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What do you make of this? Unsure how to support a friend

(5 Posts)

I have a very dear friend who recently came to visit. We live in different cities but have been very close friends for 15 plus years.
She got married last year to her partner of around the same amount of time. I know him quite well too. They have lived together the majority of that time and he has moved great distances to be with her and over the years shown great commitment and loyalty to her.
Last time we spoke about it she said that he only wanted dc if they could move close to family (both ils fairly close to each other but 100's of miles from my friend). So they had begun the process of looking for jobs that way and planning the move in a long term way.
Since the wedding he has said a flat no to dc and the relationship is stumbling. My dear friend says she cannot imagine never bring a mum but is terrified she will end up alone if she leaves her dh.
Also she describes their relationship now as being like 'flatmates'. He is increasingly preoccupied with a game on his phone - you can guess which! And has become more anti social and withdrawn. She had suggested couples counselling and he said yes but my friend doubts this will fix things.
My friend is not a mner but I might show her the thread. I know her so well yet I'm baffled as to what to say really. This man has in the past shown such amazing love and devotion - examples would out her. Is be astonished if there was an OW it anything.
What do you think?

noobieteacher Tue 10-Sep-13 13:29:06

You need to tell her that she shouldn't worry about being alone. Give her the confidence to see a happy future. There are millions of men out there are wanting to be fathers. Help her to let him go. Tell her that his lifestyle choice is up to him and he will be fine without her, and she will thrive without him too.

BonaDea Tue 10-Sep-13 13:30:53

I think the husband sounds like he could be depressed. Would he perhaps seek help from his GP?

SlangKing Tue 10-Sep-13 17:54:19

By initially promising children at a future date then reneging on that after marrying her is a form of entrapment. He's dishonest, untrustworthy, selfish and manipulative. What else might he've deceived her about, or will in future. It's not some trifling broken promise about what colour sofa they were gonna buy,,, kids, or not, is a huge issue. That kinda disappointment so soon after a marriage would be a deal breaker for me and, I'd hope, for anyone.

Bonadea - she suspects the same re depression and is encouraging him to see gp.

Interesting point about entrapment. I hadn't thought of it like that though of I'm frank he has dangled it as a carrot in the past I think and the reneging is spot on.

I think pp right about having the confidence to move on. Her confidence right now is crumbling hmm

Thanks all. V sad situation

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