Hi,
I currently feel like the world's worst person because I have met someone else and I cannot get him out of my head.
Basically I am in a very unhappy marriage with my husband - our 4 years of marriage have been hellish, through little fault of our own. First my Dad got put in a psychiatric unit and then was told he had dementia and is losing it quickly, which heartbreaking. Now my Mum got ill with kidney disease through high blood pressure looking after him, he often yells at her and makes her life so hard and she is struggling to cope - she then calls me 5 times a day, which I am finding hard, especially as I go round whenever I can and try to help, when she lets me.
I got pregnant, which was one of the few happy times, but soon after the little was born I got bad post natal depression, as an intervention during the labour brought back memories of some abuse I'd suffered as a child and I kept getting flashbacks. Then, 2 months after that, my poor husband ended up finding out that not only did he have epilepsy, he also needed brain surgery to treat the problem that has caused it, he has consequently had to start taking medication and give up driving and cycling (he blames me for not being able to cycle, even though the doctors have told him not too).
On top of all this he had to reapply for his job. Then we found out there is a strong possibility his father is taking heroine. I am now back at work part-time and struggling to cope with all this stuff going on in my life. I love our beautiful little baby. But all this stress and craziness has put an insane amount of pressure on our relationship and the cracks are starting to show.
Everyone wants me to be there for them all the time. I am one person, how many people can I be there for? Everyone needs me to fight their battles, I had to organise/fight for my husband's op, my Mum and Dad's care etc etc. I am also a Mum. My in laws also expect a lot from me and often nitpick the way I bring up my daughter but rarely help or support.
The romance has gone out the window. I feel I just live with my best friend but the spark has gone and we've grown apart. I have been with him 11 years and never really been in a relationship before I met him. I think the last time we went on a date was about 3 months ago, and it was the 2nd date in 18 months. I feel so put upon and taken for granted and unappreciated. I know everyone else is having a hard time but feel it is all being placed on my shoulders. This was made apparent last Tuesday when I was told by my GP that I was going to be put on antidepressants to deal with everything as 'you have to stay strong for everyone else, if you fall down, the whole house falls down'.
I am 29! I am a working Mum! I want to just be a good Mum and want everyone else to stop taking me for granted. :( How can so much be on my shoulders? Why can't they help themselves? I'm so tired.
Anyway, 2 weeks ago I met someone at my friend's wedding (a friend of the bride whom I had met before) whom I found very attractive. Nothing happened then, but we were talking and he told me he has been married for a year to an opera singer, who has now run off to be with someone else, he is devastated - I listened to him as he needed to talk about his problems that night and I could tell he was upset. I emailed him some photos after our chat at the wedding of him from the hen do and said he made me laugh (he asked me to jokingly dance with him at the hen do and was great fun). I also said he could ask me for a girl's advice on his marriage issues anytime. He then said he wanted to meet for coffee, so we did last Weds. Even though I knew I was attracted to him, I was not going to act on it. I also never thought he was attracted to me, but unfortunately as the evening went on it became apparent he really liked me. He tried to kiss me twice and kept complementing me. I asked him 'why are you being so affectionate to me?' he said 'because you deserve it and need some fun and happiness in your life'. He held my hand and took me to the Serpentine lake, we sat under the stars, arm in arm and talked about our life and all our problems. I have never felt so many butterflies or such a connection to anyone before v- I told him though, we can be no more than friends, as we're both married to other people and I am a mother. But he has been in contact again and me with him, sending me quotes from philosophers while I send him Joni Mitchell songs. He even send me a message from The Little Prince saying 'Everything is invisible to the eyes but visible to the heart.' This has all confused me even further and I cannot eat or sleep or do anything because my life is too mad now. He came and showed me a new life away from all my problems and made me feel so wonderful, but it is wrong and I should not have put myself in this situation. My husband knows I met him and said it was ok, as I genuinely thought we were just going to be friends, not that all this would happen. But now I can't stop thinking about him and want to see him again and just see what happens. I am so very very stupid.
I am so confused. I told my husband we need a few days apart, just so I can clear my head, not because of this new guy but because I feel suffocated in our relationship and the demands our parents place on us etc. I also need time to think about who I am now and what I want from my life.
I am so lost, I feel I am heading down a long abyss. Help, somebody, please. Thank you xx
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
Am married but have met someone else - life is now a mess - HELP!
Crazysouthallian · 09/09/2013 16:09
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