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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

I do not, and will ever understand men.

143 replies

watchforthesnail · 09/09/2013 09:19

Dating, horribly for years, no luck.

This weekend this has been the chain of events:

Nice date on friday, lovely. He stayed in contact sat but didnt ask for a second date, sometimes made some odd comments, ended up at the end of the day asking for full lenght pics of me in my underwear. sleeze.

Set up a date for this morning, chatting all sat and sun,was going to be some sort of casual thing, ok for both of us... ie - it was going to be easy for him.... he stops replying late last night, get no response this morning so tell him in not going to be there.... arsehole

been chatting to a guy who lives a distance away, had plans to meet up, he texts me sat, i respond, he never replies. I whatsapp and then skype when hes online on both... no response. dickhead.

3 shit things in the space of 2 days. pretty much more than i can handle and am wondering if im so god damn awful and unattractive...
because otherwise none of it makes any sense.

OP posts:

Report

Theeverexpandingrodders · 09/09/2013 09:24

Have you thought you're maybe coming on to strong sometimes it's not easy to reply to messages straight away?

watchforthesnail · 09/09/2013 09:27

but it is easy to reply within 12 hours..... esp so if you have a date, and the last message was confirming it was all good.......

OP posts:

Trills · 09/09/2013 09:28

Some people are on online dating sites without any real intention of setting anything up, they are just killing time.

Some people don't always want to reply to messages straight away, even if they are "online" that doesn't mean they are available.

Some people are twats.

However, if you think that "understanding men" is somehow massively different to "understanding people" then no you never will understand them.

watchforthesnail · 09/09/2013 09:39

trills - no need to be patronising. im just sick of being messed around so much.

If someone is online, a reply within a few hours is generally ok, that wasnt forthcoming, so i sent a message 24 hours later, which was also ignored.. thats not being demanding.

setting up a date and not cancelling, or saying anything, leaving the other to just turn up, is pretty shit, if they were killing time or not, its not nice to be on the receiving end of this.

OP posts:

niceupthedance · 09/09/2013 09:45

The Friday guy doesn't sound so bad, it's just that you were turned off by his requests. That's not his fault necessarily, you just weren't into the same thing. Also, I wouldn't expect someone to ask for another date within 24 hours of the first, but that's just me.

The others sound flakey.

Trills · 09/09/2013 09:46

I didn't say you were being demanding. I said that you were wrong to think of men as an alien species.

Some people think that online datng is not "real", so they don't need to follow normal rules of politeness and say "I met someone else" or "I don't want to take this any further", they just stop messaging. This is because they are rude, not because you have done anything.

watchforthesnail · 09/09/2013 09:47

eh - turned off by his request for underwear pics... when he hadnt even kissed me on a date... NOR asked me out for another one...
??????? yeah, thats not bad at all, is it.

OP posts:

watchforthesnail · 09/09/2013 09:48

i dont think they are alien, ive got lots of male friends. i just dont understand them.

i also think its unlikely, since todays date asked me out yesterday... that he has found someone in less than 24 hours.

OP posts:

niceupthedance · 09/09/2013 09:52

Well I wouldn't be turned off if I'd had a great date and he was hot. It's your preference to be offended though so obviously you were not right for each other.

watchforthesnail · 09/09/2013 09:56

nice - seriously?? i think id rather not send semi naked pics to men having only met them once.

OP posts:

BeCool · 09/09/2013 10:00

I look like I'm online all the time. I'm not.

magicturnip · 09/09/2013 10:02

I think you are asking for too quick replies too. 'he stopped replying late last night. '. Maybe he went to bed? ' hasn't replied this morning'. It is, like, 10am!!!!!

YoniTime · 09/09/2013 10:03

It's not normal and appropriate to ask a stranger you just met once for full lenght nude pics. I can imagine that if OP sent him such pics there is a huge risk those would be shared with his buddies, uploaded on the internet, etc.

watchforthesnail · 09/09/2013 10:04

yes, but the date was at 9:15am

he was ' online' on whatsapp, which only shows when you are online... A

OP posts:

watchforthesnail · 09/09/2013 10:05

thank you yoni - wondered if i had walked into an alternative universe...

OP posts:

niceupthedance · 09/09/2013 10:18

She said underwear pics. Nude pics no I wouldn't send those. Believe it or not people who have casual sex might do this sort of thing. But you are not looking for casual so you told him to fuck off. Like I said, that's your preference.

And there is another universe out there, beyond the white picket fence...

Chyochan · 09/09/2013 10:18

I think there might be something to what Trills said about people feeling that online communication is not real and they are not committed to the same rules they might follow in real life. But I have to say they sound like they are blowing you off, are you going for good looking blokes who are probably just playing around online, personaly I would not bother with online dating if you are after an actual relationship, better off just taking up a couple of hobbies or interests and hope for the best imo. Also anyone would have to be crazy to send naked pic to someone who was basicaly a stranger in this day and age, or ever come to think of it.

niceupthedance · 09/09/2013 10:19

You could have sent him a pic of you in your long johns

Thisisaeuphemism · 09/09/2013 10:21

The first man is a twat. There is nothing to understand.

The second and third were just crap.

leannedavies1991 · 09/09/2013 10:26

I dont know what to do I love my bf sooo much we have a 3 year old daughter and im pregnant with our second I think he hates me he is always talking to other women online (DATE SITES) amd watching porn im 6 monthes gone and he have done this on and off for 4 years everytime I confront him he makes me feel crazy evan ifI pull up the convos off othe women he says he aint done nothing evan when I prove it to him I just cant take no more I would never do this to him I love him way to much for that and evan when he does admit it he makes me feel he wont do it again and when I start thinking things are going wellnhe does it again everyman all my life have treated me like crap evan my dad left mu mum when I was 11 andni havnt seen him since I just want to feel loved and protected like I nnever have I just wanted a family and to be happy (WITH HIM)I just dont know if I cam take any , ore I just want to be treared right for a change I also have no one to talk to about this as I know they will judge him!!!

kmc1111 · 09/09/2013 10:33

First guy's a dick.

I don't understand the issue with the second guy? If he stopped texting at night and you hadn't gotten in the morning, surely he was sleeping? He may well have had every intention of meeting you. Not everyone is checking their messages from the minute they wake up and even if he was he may have missed your message or not read it as a question. I would have chanced it and showed up anyway.

Third guy might be ignoring you, or might simply be unavailable. I look like I'm 'online' 24/7, always have everything open, but really I might only have a spare 10 minutes a day to Skype or chat with someone.

watchforthesnail · 09/09/2013 10:38

nice... yeah. thats you. he wasnt hot, was considerably older. nothing until that point had said he wanted something casual. i dont want something casual.

the thing with sykpe is if you are inactive it says ' away...and again he had two days to reply but didnt.

the one with the date this morning... again, whatsapp shows when you are online and a timestamp of when you were last online. he got my messages just didnt reply...

OP posts:

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SirRaymondClench · 09/09/2013 10:40

Leanne It might be best to start your own thread and you will get some replies

SolidGoldBrass · 09/09/2013 10:45

Sorry but you sound demanding and desperate. Not everyone who is into online dating is obsessed with it and constantly checking their messages. Some of the people who use it are arseholes with no manners, or complete timewasters, but no one owes you a relationship or a second date.

watchforthesnail · 09/09/2013 10:51

again
i wasnt messaging him on the site. it was on whats app where he was ' online' which it only shows when you are

he didnt have a problem sending me messages when he was online when he was asking me out or flirting...

OP posts:

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