I have namechanged and in need of perspective, this is going to be long....
I am at the end of my tether with my relationship with H. I come from a not so stable family background so I want to get views on how normal this is.
We have been together for 10 years and have two dcs. H has always been very clingy from the start of the relationship. He doesn't have any friends where we live (not from the lack of trying from people we know trying to engage him btw). He has always wanted to spend all his time with me usually around the house. He will usually follow me around the house for example if I am just pottering around (which drives me mental). I think I quite introverted so enjoy my own company whilst he actually needs constant interaction but only with me. People find him very charismatic when we meet others as a couple. It's not just social interaction but even going to the shops that are not familiar to him (i.e. outside our local area) seems to be an effort for him. I genuinely think he has an anxiety over it, although he will go most places with me.
From the start of the relationship, I have pretty much pleaded with him to get a hobby or some form of interest at least once every couple of weeks out of the house which he hasn't. TBH, I don't have that many friends either but when I speak to anyone he also wants to know what we have talked about in quite a lot of detail. I don't think he sees it as controlling just interest and my radar of what is normal is fundamentally broken unfortunately.
I work flexibly around the DCs so short days and then a few hrs in the evenings two/three days a week making up for it (from home but sometimes involve meetings out of the house). This has brought everything to ahead with arguments of lack of time we spend together. Pretty much every week this argument flares up.
Today's argument started when I said, I need some new clothes so am going shopping by myself this evening for a couple of hours. He made quite a PA like "ohhh so you want the whole day to yourself". When I pulled up on it he looked hurt and accused me of having no sense of humour even though it certainly wasn't said as a joke. Everytime I want to do something without him (even going to do a large food shopping without him and the kids ffs) has resulted in arguments and sulking.
Today's issue a small really but I am sitting here crying as the happiest I have been for a long time is when he was away to see his parents for a week. I just don't understand how my life has come to a point where I have fight to go shopping by myself for a couple of hours on a saturday.
The kids adore him, he is a great hands on father and tbf that is the only reason I am still here, emotionally I feel completely worn down and the more arguments we have about spending time together the less I want to anyway so try to find excuses to avoid him.
From those of you that have "normal" families with very young dc, have full on work and so on how much "quality" time do you spend with your other halves per day/week?
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feeling trapped
3 replies
wtphook · 07/09/2013 13:21
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