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I think I've just gone non contact with my Dad - please tell me it will be ok!

(18 Posts)
Repeatedlydoingthetwist Fri 06-Sep-13 19:11:52

The backstory is too long to go into, but it's honestly not a decision I've taken lightly. I've given him multiple chances to improvise things but after a particularly vile conversation today where he called me all manner of names, and once again changed history to suit himself, I asked him not to contact me again. I know it's the right thing to do for my own mental wellbeing and happiness but DP is at work until later so I'm home alone and having a wobble!

Please reassure me it'll be ok!

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Fri 06-Sep-13 19:12:13

**improve things

Hissy Fri 06-Sep-13 19:15:49

Of course it will be ok.

He has no right to swear at you and verbally abuse you!

Hissy Fri 06-Sep-13 19:16:41

Standing up for yourself, and meaning it might make him stop and think.

*nd pigs may form a flypast

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Fri 06-Sep-13 19:20:39

Thanks Hissy I hope so. I think you're right about the flying pigs though!

Hissy Fri 06-Sep-13 20:30:02

At the end of the day, what you think about yourself is what counts.

No-one has the right to belittle you,

Have you found the Stately Homes thread on here? Invaluable!

technosausage Fri 06-Sep-13 20:40:01

I went nc with my dad about 5 years ago, its gets so much better from now on.
My dad used to mock me all the time, put me down and blame me for everything that was wrong in his life. The best thing you can do is live you life and be happy! You don't need that negativity in your life.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Fri 06-Sep-13 21:24:26

Thanks techno. It makes me feel better to hear that people have done it and it's been ok. I know it's the right thing, it's just a big step.

Viking1 Fri 06-Sep-13 21:26:53

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Fri 06-Sep-13 21:29:44

Thanks Viking I'll have a look over there. Good tip to keep an eye out for flying monkeys! I need to be prepared for guilt trips I think.

MarianneBrandon Fri 06-Sep-13 21:58:54

I went nc with my dad about 8 years ago and although I have days when I wobble and want to contact him I know I have done the right thing. As time goes by it gets easier and I feel that I get stronger.

lola88 Fri 06-Sep-13 22:05:49

It will and you will be better for it. I didn't speak to my dad for years but after DS was born we started to go out with him on a sunday as he takes Dsis and DNeice out I somehow had it in my head that seeing DS every week might make him change and care but it didn't, last sunday he sat through lunch not saying a word ignoring both kids to play snake on his phone like a fucking teenager and I suddenly thought wtf am I doing here and why am i torturing myself hoping he will change. I was happier not speaking to him so am just going to let it die again.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Fri 06-Sep-13 22:11:57

Thanks all for your support, it's really helping. I'm sorry that you're all in the position where you have tales like this to tell though.

Pollywallywinkles Fri 06-Sep-13 22:32:40

I've had to do it with both my parents who have been divorced since I was a teenager. Sick of the constant verbal abuse from my mother and the lies from my father. My sibling has also cut contact from father and has only limited contact with mother. Crap parents and even worse grandparents. Their loss not ours.

perfectstorm Fri 06-Sep-13 23:06:18

I went NC with my father when DS was born. I realised that at his age, and with his complete lack of insight, he would never change. All he ever did was upset and hurt me.

It was the best decision I ever made, other than marrying DH and having DS. It was a liberation. You will second guess for a while, but if he is genuinely incapable of honesty or reciprocity, which mine is, it will make you feel so much lighter and happier, in time.

ratbagcatbag Sat 07-Sep-13 04:36:51

I've been nc with my dad for over 12 years. My life improved hugely. I was18 when I did it. It's such a relief to not have to jump through hoops, justify my decisions and actually not be physically and emotionally battered. I'm at peace with it all, he will never know my dd and I'm a big believer in you reap what you sow.

Big hugs and good luck.

Zorra Sat 07-Sep-13 08:02:39

Another NCer here and it's fine. I was NC from 12-26 then decided I had to get to know him in case he died and I felt guilty forever. Got to know him and he is the narc wanker I thought he was, so went NC again at 32. He sends texts on birthdays and key dates but these are to make sure that he can still force himself on situations, not because he actually cares. Other than those messages, I never hear from him and am not missing out. He doesn't even know I have a daughter.

It makes me sad because I would love him to not be how he is. But as he isn't going to change, all I can do is deal with the reality of him, and not expose my kids to it.

Snog Sat 07-Sep-13 08:30:27

i did thus a month ago.
Your own sanity and mental wellbeing are priceless OP. it hasnt been totally plain sailing so far for me but i feel better about myself without my mum belittling me and have no doubt that i have done the right thing.

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