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What's it like dating forces chaps?

(22 Posts)
superstarheartbreaker Fri 06-Sep-13 14:59:33

I have a date with one tomorrow? I tend to think lots of moving around and hard to settle. Also, I am a peacenick deep down; but more recently I have a grudging acceptance/respect for the forces. I recently went on a date with someone who didn't like teachers and it put me off.
I am keeping an open mind...he does look and sound very sexy though (shallow).

Purringkittenmama Fri 06-Sep-13 15:55:09

Might not be forever though. Recently had contact with two policemen (neighbour growing cannabis- don't ask) and I seem to remember both were ex-forces and still young. So maybe he'll retire soon! On a much shallower note than you though, my old boss was also ex- navy- and had very large forces pension, which must be a bonus. Good luck

superstarheartbreaker Fri 06-Sep-13 17:19:20

One thing I like about forces men is that they tend to be quite physically fit.

Scrabbleyurt Fri 06-Sep-13 17:34:01

I'm a military wife but not sure i can give you much insight into your date. Men in the forces are as varied as men in any other profession, although yes, most will have to pass a fitness test.

In terms of moving around a lot, it depends what his job is. Some military roles mean staying in the same place all the time although many do involve deployments or long periods away. It can be very hard when your partner is away for say, six months, but if it is meant to be you will hold it together.

Good luck with your date, ask plenty of questions and enjoy. Also, just have in mind there are one or two weirdos out there who pretend they are military when they're not!!

worley Fri 06-Sep-13 19:28:53

I went on a date last week with someone who's just come out of army in july.. It was ok.. I got an in depth chat about what he'd seen and done.. Which was fine but a little odd at times.. obv very in to being he beat if the beat etc
I also found out he'd been out and got drunk a few nights before (he'd said he didn't drink previously) and had been arrested.. He punched the police men when they'd tackled him..
Just made me wary and not going on date 2..
Hopefully yours is better than mine was!!

StephenFrySaidSo Fri 06-Sep-13 19:36:23

mine was navy. dating was difficult tbh as he was only ever home for a couple of weeks at a time- it really was like a long distance relationship, not really getting to have long phone conversations either as they were mostly at sea without signal and even when he did call he would keep losing the signal- it got very frustrating. we were together a few year before he was in the navy though and we had our son together from then so I knew him well enough but the 'dating' part was hard and pretty much non-existent which was disappointing as that is the most exciting part of a new relationship. he was fit though grin

Lemsy Fri 06-Sep-13 20:40:49

I have an on/off relationship with an ex-army guy. As someone up thread said you get as many varied characters as in any other profession. However, i do feel like they like to talk about themselves A LOT. Not just basing it on him but his mates too. Not very attractive really, hence the on/off, soon to be pretty much off. Physically though he is quite yum but a perfect example of how that really doesn't matter if he is selfish and sometimes bloody boring. But like i said you can get that anywhere, meet him and see how it goes.

Good luck x

12345Floris Sat 07-Sep-13 00:42:50

Dated ex-Army. He liked to keep a tight ship, liked his routines, was very clean and tidy, always punctual, could cook and enjoyed it, but was a little old fashioned for his age fashion-wise, mildly chauvinist, and there was just something missing, mentally, couldn't put my finger on it. He lacked a spark of individuality, creativity, I don't know, adventurous spirit?

Ultimately, I couldn't deal with the fact he had weapons training, kept knives in his flat, and ...

6 months after we broke up (no Love declared) I learnt he had a young son living with his ex-wife. You'd think he would have mentioned he had a child!

Summarily, he kept himself rather to himself,didn't give anything anyway.

I've since known two more ex Army men and they also aloof the above apart from the child thing. That can't be coincidence,surely?

superstarheartbreaker Sat 07-Sep-13 06:55:58

Hes ex army/ nwvy reserveds. Phoned me up and very confident and chatty. Did ask about me. Sexy voice...gosh I ddnnt know that someone's voice was so important!

Mojavewonderer Sat 07-Sep-13 09:13:57

I'm a military wife too and have been since 2001 so it can't be that bad but then my husband is RAF and doesn't go away often and is a totally devoted husband & dad.
Just enjoy your dates and not worry about that stuff until its a bridge you need to cross.

GhettoPrincess001 Sat 07-Sep-13 09:15:57

I went out with a soldier, years ago when I was single. He was my then best friends brother. He was nice enough and actually said to me, 'those guys who work for an insurance company, well, you just don't know do you ?' Basically it was his way of saying we've all got our faults. I thought, ok.

We were then both in our twenties, he admitted that he loved his army life but I wasn't really listening. We went on holiday for a week once to Greece. Within four days he was fretting because he was missing barracks life and wasted a ridiculous amount of time trying to get a flight back to Britain before the end of the week. He also told me that he went drinking and clubbing at home so we wouldn't be doing that on holiday.

He seemed to have a petty attitude with Germans as well as he was stationed in Germany. Some of the German lasses were pretty, so, go figure. We were supposed to sit at the same table for breakfast each morning at the hotel we were staying at in Greece. He was determined not to do this as the person who asked us to do this was German.

Fate had the last laugh as he sat at a different table one morning. The couple who were doing it correctly came to join us and didn't mind sharing the table. Yes, you guessed it, they were German and spoke excellent English. You couldn't make it up !

Anyway, just be as open minded as you would with anyone else. If he's ok, then that's ok. If he's some sort of wally just get rid.

meditrina Sat 07-Sep-13 09:17:51

You can't lump them all together, any more than you can say what it's like dating a teacher or a police officer, or a firefighter etc.

Though I suppose there are some obvious pitfalls - if in the TA/Reserves, then there are weekend and evening commitments, plus annual camp.

As in the OP you seemed to be worrying about the long-term effects of mobility, I suspect you fancy him a lot. Remember it's a first date! Have fun!

GhettoPrincess001 Sat 07-Sep-13 09:20:23

Oh, and btw, he wanted to take me to meet his friends wherever in Britain they lived. I thought, never mind that, let's just have some quality time together - that didn't suit.

In the end he was more interested in having yet another row with his step-mother than focussing on our future.

There was really no love lost when we came back from holiday not speaking to each other and decided to keep it that way.

GhettoPrincess001 Sat 07-Sep-13 09:22:06

Oh, and btw, he wanted to take me to meet his friends wherever in Britain they lived. I thought, never mind that, let's just have some quality time together - that didn't suit.

In the end he was more interested in having yet another row with his step-mother than focussing on our future.

There was really no love lost when we came back from holiday not speaking to each other and decided to keep it that way.

GhettoPrincess001 Sat 07-Sep-13 09:22:54

Oh, and btw, he wanted to take me to meet his friends wherever in Britain they lived. I thought, never mind that, let's just have some quality time together - that didn't suit.

In the end he was more interested in having yet another row with his step-mother than focussing on our future.

There was really no love lost when we came back from holiday not speaking to each other and decided to keep it that way.

worley Sat 07-Sep-13 09:23:36

I meant earlier he was bragging about being the best of the best (not beat of the beat! - stupid iphone) he was a paratrooper and I heard all about it.. Other weren't up to standard etc etc..
He did tell me about his daughter but also about how his wife left after he came back from Afghan as he had a hard time adjusting..
Unbeknown to us at the time of date my dad actually used to work his dad many years ago and when I mentioned his name he knew stories about him..
So def no date 2 smile

ageofgrandillusion Sat 07-Sep-13 15:13:22

Most forces men i've encountered have been not very bright, bit OTT with the macho posturing, quite dull conversationalists, overly competitive, emotionally stunted. I've often wondered - although accepted this is only guesswork on my part - about men who are so keen to enter what is such a heavily male-dominated environment. Repressed homosexuality?

SorrelForbes Sat 07-Sep-13 15:27:54

I am ex-forces, dated an army guy before I joined up, was with (and married) a marine whilst I was serving and am now married to a navy chap. As previous posters have said, you get as wide a variety of personalities as you do in other walks of life.

However, IMHO I think there is a difference in attitude, sense of humour, outlook, call it what you will, between the difference branches of the armed services. There is, without a doubt, a certain type of 'matelot' sense of humour used within the navy which is quite different to that used in the marines. It's hard to pinpoint exactly.

Both my ex and DH are low key, modest kind of guys. What they do have in common, apart from that, is a great ability to cope and to get things done with the minimum of fuss.

Enjoy your date!

Toptack Sat 07-Sep-13 15:30:14

Some very odd comments here! Am married to a warm, gentle, intelligent, independent thinking, fit, funny man who left the Army 8 weeks ago, after nearly 20 years service. Some of his former colleagues were tossers, some were great, just like in any other profession. Enjoy your date and try not to take any prejudices with you... You'll soon suss out whether this bloke is your cup of tea or not!

superstarheartbreaker Sat 07-Sep-13 18:41:18

Met him. Lovely, bright (wanted to be a lawyer ) lots of chemistry on both sides. swoon.

superstarheartbreaker Sat 07-Sep-13 18:42:55

Didn't become a lawyer as didn't want to be behind the desk. Now does goverment/intelligence stuff (stuff that he can't tell me about) swoon again. Wants to see me again!!

davidtennantsmistress Sat 07-Sep-13 18:43:51

Been married to one, and dp is one, I quite enjoy it to be honest, it affords me the freedom and independence that I need as I like to have periods of being dark and twisty alone, so it's nice when dp buggers off for a week or two at a time, but then it's a bugger when he comes in like on Monday and says oh out of this month I'll only be able to see you one weekend cos I'm working the other 28 days in the month! So you need to be flexible, which mostly I am and can be but it's so bloody annoying when you've made plans and special arrangements and then have to drop everything.

But take the rough with the smooth. The humour thing takes a while to understand, but mostly I think you either have the sort of person who's military all the way, or you have a regular Joe who just works in the forces, I've had both, and gotta say it dp who treats the military as a job not his whole life is much easier to balance for me and the family life. He enjoys that the house is 60 miles from camp so once he's left that gate even 9 pm at night that's it he's done, on the camps though xh would always get calls about something or other.

Oh and fwiw I met dp on the thurs for coffee... I had to pay! He went on exercise on the fri for 4 weeks, we had hour long phone dates, and a weekend away together at he end of the 4 weeks, and well, been together ever since, without those 4 weeks of in depth phone dates and constant contact I doubt tbh I would have hung about, he was one of 3 I was thinking of seeing at the time, however, three years another dog and 2 dc's later and were pretty ok together no matter how much his bloody unit tries to break us.

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