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Really annoying person I could get my own back on... but should I?

(148 Posts)
LemonDrizzled Fri 06-Sep-13 13:47:04

Looking for some votes here for or against while I decide what to do.

Two years ago I was helping organise a charity event and somebody who didn't know I was the chairman of the volunteer sports club involved was obnoxious to me. Gratuitously rude and insulting. I withdrew with dignity and said to her "I hope you never want to join our Club in the future". She didn't know at the time I was senior management.

Now two years later she has applied to join with her new partner and I could "black ball" her. She has friends who have begged me not to, she has turned over a new leaf, she is with a new man etc etc.

I have done stupid things myself in the past, and maybe I should give her the benefit of the doubt. But already she has upset me again with this, and I will have to socialise with her for years potentially.

So do I block her application and look petty? Or be the bigger person and say nothing? This is a very small place...

nerfgunsftw Fri 06-Sep-13 13:49:28

Black ball.

LadyBigtoes Fri 06-Sep-13 13:50:21

Blocking her would be v satisfying but might backfire on you - she will then get her own back on you one day.

What you want is to let her through but make sure she somehow knows this is because of your magnanimity (presumably this will happen, via the friends). Then she will always owe you one - and if she is nice now, that might be OK.

tangerinefeathers Fri 06-Sep-13 13:53:38

How rude was she?

You could let her in but make it clear she has to behave herself.

I think most people deserve a second chance... she may have grown up a bit.

solarbright Fri 06-Sep-13 13:53:52

Hmmm. Was she being rude to you because she assumed you were a 'little person of no consequence' -type thing? If so, blackball. Unless she's had some sort of personal epiphany, she's probably the same snobbish brat she was then.

LemonDrizzled Fri 06-Sep-13 13:59:26

I can't give too many details without outing myself, but it was a serious Health and Safety issue for the charity event I was responsible for and she was taking the piss to be funny and look clever. She was with a large gang of friends and I was on my own and found it very intimidating.

I think she is actually a Loser and treats the Little People with contempt, but hadn't realised who I was IYKWIM.

I just don't want to be made uncomfortable in my own safe place with my friends! I probably just need to bluff it out don't I? She should be more embarrassed than me if she has any shame.

LemonDrizzled Fri 06-Sep-13 14:00:39

yes solar exactly that, snobbish brat! And a bit of a heavy drinker then too. But maybe she is better now she has settled down.

UnexpectedItemInShaggingArea Fri 06-Sep-13 14:03:11

Black ball.

She sounds like a bully.

ZombiesAteMyBigToe Fri 06-Sep-13 14:05:34

I'd blackball.

But only because in my experience people like that very rarely change and she has the potential to make this area of your life unpleasant and uncomfortable.

Whocansay Fri 06-Sep-13 14:07:49

She sounds like a Wendy. Black ball.
They have no way of knowing if it was you anyway.

FunnysInLaJardin Fri 06-Sep-13 14:07:57

black ball, she must have some brass neck applying to join in the first place

Oh come on, you could have some fun with this. accept her graciously but make damn sure she understands and agrees to the health and safety rules which you'll feel compelled to goo through at some length. .. wink

HeathRobinson Fri 06-Sep-13 14:08:33

Would she actually find out you blackballed her? Isn't it a anonymous process?

Block her application on basis of "lack of sportmanship".

QueenofallIsee Fri 06-Sep-13 14:09:48

I would Blackball - its not revenge, it is exercising your right. I think that you may have made a bit of a mistake in discussing it with mutual friends ahead of doing it but its too late now...that doesn't mean you have to put up with a load of rubbish

oldgrandmama Fri 06-Sep-13 14:10:23

Black ball, definitely. And I'm thinking of starting a thread on 'revenge is sweet ...' Boy, have I got some stories (involve cheating ex)

perfectstorm Fri 06-Sep-13 14:10:55

Black ball. Second chances matter, but she has those in other settings. Why risk your safe space? Someone who bullies someone they think is powerless is unlikely to be a different woman a couple of years later.

How old was she, though? Late teens, and people can change quite fast. Late 20s and 30s, and more doubtful.

Invite her in for a chat about her membership application and see how she reacts when she realises who you are. If she apologises for being a drunken twat then that's one thing but if she tries to pretend that it didn't happen or was no big deal then either blackball or probationary membership.

thenightsky Fri 06-Sep-13 14:11:27

Another vote for 'blackball' here.

QueenofallIsee Fri 06-Sep-13 14:11:32

PS - I don't have much patience with you having to suffer to be 'the bigger person'..she sounds like a complete bitch and noone gets a medal or a pat on the back for putting up with that kind of bollocks

Lweji Fri 06-Sep-13 14:14:09

I'd blackball, not because of any personal insults, but because from knowing her previously you don't think she'd be a good member.
And I'd worry if she was involved in any organisation of events, should she overlook serious H&S issues.

InternationalPower Fri 06-Sep-13 14:14:25

I agree with Chaz. No need to decline her application and upset her friends (who you are presumably on good terms with?)

But, you could have so much more fun by letting her know just how big a mistake she made and how long memories are...

LemonDrizzled Fri 06-Sep-13 14:14:45

I agree it is a shame I was discussing her application with a senior member. Her friends overheard and contacted me today to intercede.

I am tending towards clemency at the moment. I once swore at someone who was being uncooperative over theatre seats and it turned out he was the local Methodist Minister. That took me years to live down. Actually my friends still pull my leg over it. I would hate to have been punished two years later.

But that was a one off and I think with her it is common behaviour.
Ach!

MooncupGoddess Fri 06-Sep-13 14:15:46

From what you say it might backfire on you if you blackball her... will people know it's you? If you're not careful you might just end up looking petty and vindictive. If she's awful she'll dig her own grave in time.

perfectstorm Fri 06-Sep-13 14:19:55

Frankly her friends calling you up to intercede is also a red flag IMO. Adult women don't behave that way... surely? Imagine the drama if she rallies the troops every time (and yes, I do think she did that, or they would have approached you to say something when they heard it).

All sounds a bit too like school for my liking. Who has time for such nonsense?

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