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Think I fucked up - how do I make it better?

(38 Posts)

Apologies for the length of the post - I needed to get it all out iykwim

I have a 5.5wo DD and am exhausted. DH is stressed with work right now and working long hours but is my rock when he's home. I had a shit day today with no sleep overnight and a very fussy and fractious child all day. Called DH in tears at 7pm and he came home with flowers. I'm not in PND territory but I get how I could be...

DD won't tolerate being put down in the day so DH took her while I sorted dinner but he made a couple of comments I took badly and we sniped a bit. I said we were both tired so we kissed and made up.

A little later I was trying to work through plans for coming weekends (his folks, my folks etc) and he's a bit shit at planning but got increasingly arsey at me asking. Eventually came out that he thought I was 'banging on' about one aspect as I was trying to figure out what he actually wanted to do.

I then said we should talk about our communication as it was clearly shit ATM. He was hmm
I should have left it alone but I can't.
We chatted a bit and I couldn't stop crying. Felt misunderstood and unsupported (unreasonably so) and had overwhelming urge to cause myself pain.

Got ice cream to calm myself down, couldn't get the spoon in cos it was too hard and had complete 5yo temper tantrum. Ended up with pot flying across table where i jammed the spoon in and it hit DH leg. Pathetic. I ran into the kitchen and screamed ten got all passive aggressive with DH cos he didn't run after me to check I was ok.
Ended up pulling my hair and being a compete child.
DH stropped off to bed. Can't blame him.

I should have left DD with him and got an early night til the next feed but instead I've pushed away my rock and am up alone and scared, shattered and wondering how the fuck to undo my pathetic behaviour. I think I really scared DH too sadsadsad

Thanks for sticking with me if you're still reading thanks
(Shoulda name changed but dunno how to on the app)

audweb Fri 06-Sep-13 15:27:25

You sound what I was like (my little one is now approaching 7 months). I slipped well into the PND territory and my behaviour got worse and worse before I admitted defeat. Now, thats not to say you will follow suite, but I would strongly advise you to follow all the fantastic advice on this page. And most importantly, wellwobbly speaks a lot of sense. I don't think I was so kind to myself, and I struggled to ask for help - I also struggled to ask my OH for help, or even let him help where he could (as I was bf). I'm getting so much better at it, and that has helped me so so much.

And yes, nap when you can, 6 weeks old is nothing, and you're just getting used to the sleep deprivation where the 'high' of having a newborn is wearing off, and lack of sleep is a daily isolating slog. God, it's tough, but even with my PND, babycare is so much better/easier as the months go on. Hugs.

tangerinefeathers Fri 06-Sep-13 15:42:29

as others have said sleep is everything.

have two beds on the go if possible, send yourself to be early, let your partner get a good night's sleep alone so he can get up earlier with the baby before work and let you sleep in, catch up on the weekends, just do whatever it takes to get a decent stretch of sleep and dreams to sort your head out.

you're still in baby boot camp, it gets better!

absentmindeddooooodles Fri 06-Sep-13 15:50:05

Its such early days so dont beat yourself up. Adjusting to having a screaming weiggling arsey bundle that does not want to sleep is such hard work and its obviously going to take its toll.

Go say sorry to your dh. Give him a hug and just explain really nicely how bad you are feeling. Also id have a little chat to your hv.

I was a total monster for the first few months. Sleep deprivation is horrid and makes you unreasonable at the best of times. Get dh to take baby so you can have a sleep now and again. Hope you feel better. It will pass smile

LondonNinja Fri 06-Sep-13 16:15:48

Marialuna, you don't get a prize for that you know. Needs must.

OP, it's bloody hard work and the emotional side can knock you for six. Go easy on yourself. Seek support and help and remember - lots of people go through this. Take care.

madrudge Fri 06-Sep-13 16:23:52

I once threw a 2 pint bottle of milk with the lid off at my sleeping husband because he wouldn't.wake up to help with the baby. He took me straight to the Doctors, but it would have been much more helpful if he had just let me sleep. Doctor gave me pills , which I knew I didn't need - it was purely lack of sleep and extreme anger at seeing husband happily snoozing.

ModreB Fri 06-Sep-13 18:56:13

I remember when Velcro baby DS3 was about 7wo, DH had told me go to bed early as I was so tired, and he (equally tired but didn't have to get up the following morning - I did as I had a hosp appointment with DS2 and DS2 wouldn't let anyone else take him - he has ASD) stayed up with a crying, colicky baby.

He told me the next morning that he sat with a crying baby at 11pm, himself crying with tiredness and emotion at Titanic grin

Be kind to yourself, and your DH. Speak to your HV, and if you need help, take it. It will get better, I promise.

You're doing brilliantly Remembering glad you managed a smidge of sleep and sounds like you managed to calm the situation down with your DH in the morning.

I'm really sorry to hear about the loss of your mum last year. I would strongly advise postponing the flight to see your dad. If you take that trip you will look back on it and think, "what the was I doing??!". Hopefully you can help your dad understand its not personal, its for the sake of your health at this point.

Ah... it does gradually get easier with every week and month...

I'd put a load of asterisks in there but of course they all disappeared!

skyeskyeskye Fri 06-Sep-13 22:46:22

Have you got any Sure Start Children's Centres near you? They usually have baby groups and classes and you hopefully meet new people and make some friends. Hopefully your HV can help you or refer you to the doctor.

I remember one night when up feeding at 2am, sat there crying my eyes out because work hadnt sent me a card. I was surrounded by over 100 cards yet crying over 1.

Tip for the ice team next time? - put it in the microwave for a few seconds, then you will get the spoon in smile

PuddingAndHotMilk Wed 11-Sep-13 10:17:15

Hi all. Name changed since my OP but wanted to say thanks again for all the support. Things are starting to look better, I had a great chat worth the HV who is coming to see us every week for 'listening support'. DH is working from home one day per week so I can catch some sleep while he looks after DD and I've decide to stop being to hard on myself (in theory at least)
I'm also making sure I get out every day I'm home alone - slowly I'll make some friends locally I'm sure.
Thanks again for the support thanksthanks

caramelwaffle Wed 11-Sep-13 11:49:34

Good to hear that.

Good luck with everything.

cloudskitchen Wed 11-Sep-13 14:00:48

That's good news. I used to have to get out at least once a day when dd was a baby even if only to get her weighed (and preserve my sanity) X

DioneTheDiabolist Wed 11-Sep-13 21:43:47

That's wonderful news OP. It's sooo hard with a new sleep depriving screaming machine baby. I'm glad you are getting support from your DH and HV.smile

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