Apologies for the length of the post - I needed to get it all out iykwim
I have a 5.5wo DD and am exhausted. DH is stressed with work right now and working long hours but is my rock when he's home. I had a shit day today with no sleep overnight and a very fussy and fractious child all day. Called DH in tears at 7pm and he came home with flowers. I'm not in PND territory but I get how I could be...
DD won't tolerate being put down in the day so DH took her while I sorted dinner but he made a couple of comments I took badly and we sniped a bit. I said we were both tired so we kissed and made up.
A little later I was trying to work through plans for coming weekends (his folks, my folks etc) and he's a bit shit at planning but got increasingly arsey at me asking. Eventually came out that he thought I was 'banging on' about one aspect as I was trying to figure out what he actually wanted to do.
I then said we should talk about our communication as it was clearly shit ATM. He was
I should have left it alone but I can't.
We chatted a bit and I couldn't stop crying. Felt misunderstood and unsupported (unreasonably so) and had overwhelming urge to cause myself pain.
Got ice cream to calm myself down, couldn't get the spoon in cos it was too hard and had complete 5yo temper tantrum. Ended up with pot flying across table where i jammed the spoon in and it hit DH leg. Pathetic. I ran into the kitchen and screamed ten got all passive aggressive with DH cos he didn't run after me to check I was ok.
Ended up pulling my hair and being a compete child.
DH stropped off to bed. Can't blame him.
I should have left DD with him and got an early night til the next feed but instead I've pushed away my rock and am up alone and scared, shattered and wondering how the fuck to undo my pathetic behaviour. I think I really scared DH too
Thanks for sticking with me if you're still reading
(Shoulda name changed but dunno how to on the app)
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Relationships
Think I fucked up - how do I make it better?
RememberingMyPFEs · 06/09/2013 00:33
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