Husband having dinner at Nobu with female friend while I'm at home with kids

[orangeblosssom]

Opinions please.
Found out today that husband had dinner at Nobu last Thursday with female friend. To make it worse, we went there for our anniversary last year.
He did tell me was going to a meeting with her but didn't know about the details.
Saw it on her Facebook page.

[AnyFucker]

That's nice for him

[MsVestibule]

And...?

[cloudskitchen]

What sort of meeting? Work or personal. If personal were you asked along?

[StephenFrySaidSo]

is there a trust issue? is it because he had a meal out or because it is with a woman or are there money issues or what? what is the issue here?

[BrianTheMole]

Why are you worried? It sounds ok to me, unless theres something else?

[AnyFucker]

Of course there is "something else" or OP wouldn't be posting. Are you ok ?

[BranchingOut]

I suppose it is a glam venue, so you would expect it to be somewhere you would take your nearest and dearest...

Or, is she a high-living sort who would have suggested Nobu rather than a pizzeria as a matter of course?

[WafflyVersatile]

What is the actual issue, for you?

It could be any number of things and we can only guess.

[HerRoyalNotness]

Depends who paid I guess? Was your DH using much needed family funds? Was it catch up with a friend or a business deal? Did your DH tell you after?

What do you want from him? Confession? Pay more attention to you?

[prettywhiteguitar]

Humm didn't mention it did he ? Lying by omission

[Unexpected]

What were the circumstances of the meeting? Work/pleasure? Would you have expected it to include dinner? Do you think he actively hid the fact that they went there?

[dontyouwantmebaby]

he mentioned he was meeting his friend but had no clue they were going to this restaurant?

do they normally eat out together when they meet up? if so, that's fair enough that had a meal but...

I'd find it odd that a) he hasn't mentioned to you by now where they'd been (given that it sounds like somewhere special to you both) and b) that he didn't know in advance this is where they'd be going that eve. It must have been booked previously?

don't think I'd like to inadvertently find out via her FB page either

if situation were reversed, I wonder how he would feel...

[Snazzyenjoyingsummer]

A 'meeting' puts a very different spin on it to 'going out for dinner'. If I was going out for dinner with a business contact I would mention it to my DH. I have no reason to hide it.

[QueenofWhispers]

Nobu really isn't thaat special. They just have a great PR team. Now if was at clos maggiore I would suspect something.

[dontyouwantmebaby]

yes we all have our own idea of what is special to us, regardless of good PR or not but the point is: if its where OP spent anniversary then it likely does have meaning for her, happy memories, 'their' place etc.

[AnyFucker]

Oh, fgs

If my H had a meal out a deux at fucking Harvester with a woman and I found put via her FB page I would be

It's a bit shitty to do a braggy restaurant snob post on a relationships thread

[B00Radley]

Newbie here - hi👋- It is odd - but do you not talk as a couple ? If my OH went out for a "meeting" I would ask how it went - where did you go - what did you eat , blah - gueuss I'm chatty . If your OH has meetings all the time then perhaps you wouldn't .
Q -are you on her FB as a friend or did you snoop cos suspicios ( no judgement )

Not sure what to think but hope you are ok ?

[AnyFucker]

Op says this was a female friend....not a colleague or business associate

And that she was left holding the babies

That would make me feel like a doormat.

[MariaLuna]

You don't have to feel like a doormat staying home taking care of the kids

while one of you goes out for dinner

as long as it's a two-way street....

[orangeblosssom]

She is a business partner and friend.
My insecurities stem from when they had to stay in a hotel, when my little one was 8 weeks old. I know nothing happened but I couldn't help but think that I would have loved to have a night away at a hotel too.
This hotel stay was a business thing.
My husband has meeting most evenings so we don't talk like we used to before we had our 2 kids.
I didn't ask about their meeting last week, because we've had massive arguments about her and trust issues before.
She is currently trying to divorce her husband but still lives with him.
I know she likes to discuss her marriage problems with my husband.
She's pretty flirtatious but my husband says not with.

[garlicbargain]

Sounds like a bummer, Orangeblossom.

Wrt the dinner, I think we'd need additional info. But, perhaps more to the point, it sounds like your marriage is in desperate need of first aid. He's got a lively social life, in which you're not included :(

What are the weekends & holidays like in your family? Does he get that your life seems to have transformed into that of a single parent, while he's off gallivanting? Can you still talk? Do you still fancy him?

[CharityFunDay]

He's got a lively social life, in which you're not included

All the situations described the OP are professional rather than social. It would be pretty fucking weird if he took his wife to business appointments imho.

[orangeblosssom]

It's not so much professional anymore Charityfunday as their business venture finished several months ago. They also have nicknames for each other. Her's is YaYa.
He is around in the weekends to have family time with the kids.
He says it's not about quantity of time but quality of time spent with the family. This means 80% of the weekdays I'm on own in evenings.

[converselover]

The sushi is good though! I met nobu (the man) at nobu tokyo once and he signed one of his cookery books for me. What a nice man he is. Sounds like you need a bit more nice mr nobu and a bit less selfish mr ramsey at home tbh.

[Vivacia]

Well you could tell him that the quality's not good enough for you during the week!

It's difficult to get a handle on what's happening. Was this work or pleasure?