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In Private Browsing.

(58 Posts)
Dobbiesmum Tue 03-Sep-13 11:09:29

I need you lot to help me decide if I should dig a little deeper on this or if I'm overthinking it.
Last night DH was in the office on his laptop. He shouted through to me asking if I knew someone who had sent him an FB friend request, I went through to have a look and we figured it out. No issue there. His FB login is his work email address. About 10 minutes later I made us a brew and took his through to him just as he was logging onto hotmail. In the top left corner of the window it said 'In Private Browsing is on'. He didn't realise that I had noticed and we chatted for a few minutes. During the chat he didn't type anything in on the keyboard at all.
The toddler woke up screaming, night terrors I think, a few minutes later so I ended up upstairs sorting her out for about half an hour, took her into our room and dozed off on the bed with her. I woke up at around 2ish this morning. He was still on the laptop but was shutting it down when I went downstairs. Apparently he was working. This isn't unusual, he often brings home work.
So this morning as I am an early riser I went onto his laptop before he got up. There are 3 sites on the history in the last 24 hours. FB isn't one of them, even though I saw him logged in last night. The sites are innocent ones, hotmail, news and a football forum.
Digging back a few weeks there is nothing out of the ordinary, but even that's weird. We do online banking but there is no history of the bank website, even though I know damn well he's been on (and there's nothing strange going on with the bank account either).
So.
Would hotmail even show (just the login page) if he was using in private browsing?
Is there anyway to bypass the private browsing without installing spyware or similar? I am fairly techie in most things (more so than DH thinks) but having an iPad rather than a laptop for the last few years I know very little about this.
I should say that this wouldn't ring major bells for me so soon, but coupled with very out of character behaviour recently it's niggling. He's very very over affectionate at the moment, constantly stroking my hand or hair, telling me he loves me all the time, over cuddly in bed and suggesting nice underwear for me. Again, on it's own mildly irritating as we're not 'touchy' types but these things together are strange.
I'm starting to think I'm not overthinking at all...

MadAboutHotChoc Tue 03-Sep-13 11:13:32

On its own, its not a real biggie (e,g banking online via in private browsing, maybe he was worried about security?) but this along with the other stuff including your instincts, I would be concerned.

Do you have access to his laptop at all? what about his mobile?

Maybe you could check stuff that you do have access to eg bank statements for unusual cash withdrawals...

Dobbiesmum Tue 03-Sep-13 11:18:38

I have access to his laptop in the evenings and occasional mornings when he's either in bed or hasn't taken it to work, same with his phones, no passwords on either - he has a work phone and a private one-. I didn't check his phones this morning. I know his FB password and had a quick look, nothing there unusual apart from a 'hello stranger' type email from his ex that he hasn't opened, let alone replied to.
It's the little niggles that are bugging me. Like I'm missing something...

Quiltcover Tue 03-Sep-13 11:19:36

What do you think he is doing in private browsing?

Dobbiesmum Tue 03-Sep-13 11:19:58

Sorry, forgot to mention, I checked the bank, nothing strange at all.

Dobbiesmum Tue 03-Sep-13 11:22:10

Well this is it Quiltcover I have no idea why he would even use it let alone what for! Maybe because it wouldn't occur to me to use it when browsing the web I've drawn a blank!

mirai Tue 03-Sep-13 11:22:41

Private browsing is just that - not even the hotmail login page would show.

Was it still in private browsing when you came down this morning? If not, then there's your answer. sad

Dobbiesmum Tue 03-Sep-13 11:25:04

No it was fine this morning, does it stay in private mode or do you have to manually do it every time!

Foxred10 Tue 03-Sep-13 11:25:08

It's likely he is looking at porn online. Whether that is a big deal or not is down to how you feel about it. For some people it's a huge no-no and very emotive, for others it's no big deal.....

SuddenlySqueamish Tue 03-Sep-13 11:28:06

I use in-private browsing just because the extent of ad tracking on the web makes me really uncomfortable. And there is a lot more awareness of how much people are tracked in light of recent NSA revelations (although I doubt in-private deters them).

So it could be perfectly innocent

mirai Tue 03-Sep-13 11:30:08

You have to manually switch it on and off

MadAboutHotChoc Tue 03-Sep-13 11:37:11

Yes it is done manually.

What is your sex life like - any change at all?

It could be porn - maybe you could come down to catch him in the act next time he has late night.

As for your niggles, always trust your instincts.

Dobbiesmum Tue 03-Sep-13 11:38:33

It could be innocent, I agree. He's fairly protective of the laptop, he's rebuilt it so many times he's very picky about what goes on it. He uses it in addition to his work computer so he may use it in the office as they're on and off each others computers all the time there.
The thing about porn is that we have watched it together in the past, so I think if he was looking at it online he wouldn't hide it. I don't actually mind some of it in general and he knows this.

Dobbiesmum Tue 03-Sep-13 11:40:44

Well we have 3 DC's, youngest is a toddler and we've been together for 20 years so our sex life fluctuates a little but on average probably once a week. The last few weeks I've been fairly knackered as I childmind and the summer holidays can be exhausting. I still have a decent sex drive though, not as high as his kind but it's still there.

MadAboutHotChoc Tue 03-Sep-13 11:46:21

Sounds like it could be something else that isn't porn - could he be having some kind of affair? Has he mentioned anyone at work? An old femail friend?

FB could offer some clues - try looking at archived messages (so many think they have deleted messages when they have actually archived these) and also go to his activity log (and look at Search as it tells you what he has been searching for).

I would also have a look at the trash bin/deleted folders on his laptop.

Rhianna1980 Tue 03-Sep-13 11:48:42

Why don't u ask him why he had private browsing on ?

Dobbiesmum Tue 03-Sep-13 11:54:38

He hasn't mentioned anyone recently but he doesn't do what he sees as gossip and is notoriously bad at telling me anything at the best of times. I had to instigate a weekly meeting in order to find out where and when he's working and what extra stuff he's doing in any particular week.
He would have plenty of opportunity in all honesty, his job involves late nights and some socialising, but it's very much a boys own type of business, most socialising is done in groups of blokes.
I won't get a chance to look at his laptop for a couple of days but will search the archived and deleted stuff as soon as I can.
The DC's go back tomorrow so I will get a chance to do as he's asked and go over to meet him for lunch soon, I meet him in the office so I can have a poke round his desk drawers while I'm there.

Quiltcover Tue 03-Sep-13 11:55:35

If he is deliberately turning the private browsing on and off each day, he is hiding something he doesn't want you to know about.
Guesses are porn, chatting to women on line, seedy porn (paying per view etc), to an emotional/physical affair.
Many other reasons too though. What goes your instinct tell you it could be?

Dobbiesmum Tue 03-Sep-13 11:55:55

Rhianna just a hunch tbh. I want a little more info before I say anything that could be thrown back in my face as being paranoid or suspicious. Even if I am being!

lucysnowe Tue 03-Sep-13 11:58:18

Eh, I use private browsing for all kinds of things. Besides pron, there's reading Onion articles (you can only read up to five without being asked to subscribe), getting lower air/rail fairs, etc. Even if you have watched porn together there's always the risk he might click 'like' or something on a video and it turn up on facebook shock I always use inprivate just for that reason. Hope it is all innocent.

Quiltcover Tue 03-Sep-13 11:58:32

When men like other women outside there marriage. They either get 'mentionitus' and talk about the person a lot or the woman never gets mentioned which is odd too (ie if they work together closely it is natural to talk about the woman in conversation as you would anyone you work closely with).
Does your dh mention anyone from work?

mummycat0 Tue 03-Sep-13 12:06:17

I also think it could be innocent, I use private browsing when planning surprises for DH or buying birthday or anniversary presents. Any birthdays or anniversaries coming up?

I'd wait till the next time you see him using it and ask, there isn't much he can get away with using private browsing tbh apart from hiding searches.

Dobbiesmum Tue 03-Sep-13 12:08:34

He mentions people occasionally, I'm good friends with his boss and his wife and have a couple of his colleagues on my FB. It's a mainly male environment. He doesn't mention the 2 women in the office really, they're in a job share and in a different part of the building. If it is someone else I'm pretty certain it's not in work. I'm thinking back but I really ain't remember him going ott mentioning anybody at all, but I may be overlooking something there.
All my instinct is telling me is that there is something not right. I don't want to think of an affair and until I see some other evidence I'm going to out that one to the back of my mind. My other instinct says that his overly affectionate puppy impression is guilt, it really isn't like him at all to be all over me like he is at the moment.
I will keep my mouth shut and my eyes and ears very open for a while I think, do a little digging when I get the opportunity.
Thanks all, it helps to get things down on here.

Dobbiesmum Tue 03-Sep-13 12:11:45

Nothing special coming up, the next thing for us is christmas but we don't do presents for each other then.
I think the other thing to do is educate myself on in private browsing. I very rarely use an actual computer, I prefer the iPad (even if my typing is shit on it) and am much more familiar with the workings of it over a laptop.

SparkyTGD Tue 03-Sep-13 12:15:54

I use private browsing all the time.

I don't want DP reading all my MN threads & seeing how many times I've googled about my latest celeb crush blush

Could be completely innocent.

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