Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.
SHARING HOUSE WITH EX TIL SOLD - caught flirting with another man!(9 Posts)
TWO-and-a-half years ago I discovered my partner was heavily involved/sexting a girl in the office. It had been going on for 10 months. He promised to end it. He didn't. And I caught him again a few months later. There were up to 200 messages a day at times. She works in my office too and I see her daily. I never said anything to her about it.
While searching for evidence, I discovered he had been using prostitutes since we first started dating (13yrs). And was a member of 17 no-strings attached sex websites for here and travelling abroad. It kinda put the girl in the office into perspective.
After counselling and crying and begging from him, I stayed but after a completely sexless three years and more I realised I may have forgiven him but I could never forget. We have been in separate bedrooms pretty much since our 5-year-old son was born. In February, I finally had the guts/confidence to say I wanted out. I felt the relationship was not a healthy example to our son and would drive me to drink and depression etc.
It has been very hard, but we officially separated in April but have had to share the house until it sold. He is a control freak, makes digs and has always put me down. My parents have been extremely supportive and my Mum even said she'd had to bite her lip for years because of the way he has put me down.
We move out a week Friday.
The problem now is that I stupidly flirted with a guy who I've had a crush on a for a few months and have been flattered by his attention. My ex accessed my phone and read the messages - some quite saucy - and then confronted the guy in the street.
The guy blamed me completely, sent me abusive texts saying he had never encouraged me, he doesn't need the stress and neither does his girlfriend (who he has previously denied existed calling her his PA and some blonde - turns out he has bought the house next door for her). He said he was just being friendly.
My confidence has been destroyed AGAIN. I feel like a total fool and can barely function at work without wanting to cry. I feel stupid as I've done just what the ex did a few year back and now he is taking the moral highground.
I bump into the flirty guy A LOT and don't know what to do when I do see him. I also have to admit I did actually really like him even though he has absolutely revealed himself to be an utter twonk to put it politely.
Any advice on handling the a-hole when I do see him and any advice on what to say to the ex when we "meet to chat" tomorrow night.
You haven't been stupid (I am assuming the texting was mutual and not just you sending them to him unsolicited!).
Say thank you very much for revealing what an arsehole he is before you got too deep. If he gets wankish ask does your girlfriend know what a sleaze you are as you still have the texts...
And nothing to say to the ex apart from don't you ever invade my privacy again my life/sex life is none of your business and you are in no position to judge me.
No, it wasn't unsolicited, I'm sooooo not the type of person to send saucy messages at the best of times after years of being told I'm an emotionless, cold person who is dead inside. The guy reawakened me and it felt good.
I'm glad I know the guy for his true colours and I can't believe I've fallen for another a-hole!!
Just need to get out of the house. 11 days and counting.
The ex is very good and making me feel useless and stupid and he will do his best to blame me for the split. He is incapable of taking responsibility for his actions over the past years.
Thank god your free of these wankers and you can open your self up to meeting someone who can give you the emotional satisfaction you deserve.
You will be okay, eventually. I don't think either of these men will ever be in 'normal relationships' you should pity them.
It's very raw indeed but I am trying hard to pity flirter - and indeed ex who is emotionally retarded.
Just peed off the first guy I'd actually fancied in donkeys years turned out to be the same kinda emotionall facked up twonk.
That's a pattern I'm clearly needing to break.
I was doing so well until this happened.
You are still doing well!
Tell your Ex that it'll be a cold day in he'll when he has the right to even raise an eyebrow at your conduct, given he has no bloody leg to stand on.
As for thé other guy, sadly until you're properly out of the house you're stuck in with ex, most likely any bloke that'll approach you will be a tosser.
Get out of the house you are in and then see how you feel about new relationships.
It's most definitely not you, it's them!
why do you meet to chat? you dont have to say anything
I have been in a situation that matches yours in some ways - prostitute using ex, lived together for 4 months after split.
I dated for 2 of those months. So what? I'm sure ex knew, my the fancy new underwear that turned up on our washing line, and me smiling as I skipped out of the door.
So fucking what? He wrecked our marriage, it was over, I answered to no-one.
If your ex wants to talk about it - simply refuse. It is not his business.
You have lost no moral high ground.
Don't worry that this one was a tosser. Happens. I think a bit of space is no bad thing after a long awful marriage like you and I have had, but just accept the positives - like that re-awakening. My summer fling turned out to be a bit of a twat, but it got me past first date / first sex in years nerves. Just accept the good, and look forward to moving out very soon.
And don't talk to the ex! "This isn't your business". End of!
'I feel stupid as I've done just what the ex did a few year back and now he is taking the moral highground.'
You most certainly have not!
1. You are now single, he wasn't
2. You made contact with a man you were interested in, which is normal, and allowed, and none of his f*cking business.
HE is making you think that you are now as bad as him, because that suits him and he is a very angry nasty bastard who hates women and spends his life trying to prove that everything is their fault.
Please cut him loose as soon as you can, not just from your life but from your mind.
Good luck pet xxx
Join the discussion
Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.Register now
Already registered with Mumsnet? Log in to leave your comment or alternatively, sign in with Facebook or Google.
Please login first.