Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I think I'm going to finish with DP

(261 Posts)
Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:14:32

I'm a regular. Please don't out me if you recognise me. I am female the user name is from a film called short circuit.

I'm going to finish with DP. I feel sick.

AnyFucker Mon 02-Sep-13 18:16:08

Do you want to tell us any more ? Is it just no longer working ?

SequinsOfEvents Mon 02-Sep-13 18:16:25

Why? What has happened? Sit down and take a breath or two and tell us what's happened.

There are plenty of folk here to hold your hand

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:17:07

I found something out accidentally and it led to finding out a whole load more.

And he lied and gas lighted me to cover it up.

I don't know him.

onetiredmummy Mon 02-Sep-13 18:17:20

What's happened? brew

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:17:51

He doesn't love with me. We've been together a year and a bit. No kids together but he's met mine and we see each other a lot.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:18:29

Live with me. Not love with me. He does love me and I do love him or rather I love the man I thought he was.

tessa6 Mon 02-Sep-13 18:20:35

Is it an infidelity or something else? You don't have to give details but you'd be better off discussing this somewhere more private if it's sensitive or too revealing.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:21:47

It's not infidelity. It's worse. He's not at all who I thought he was. He has lied ad lied and lied. By omission. And obfuscated and slipperied around. And he just isn't even half the man I thought he was.

AnyFucker Mon 02-Sep-13 18:23:12

Then you have to dump him, and make sure he knows exactly why.

When are you doing it ? Do you need someone with you, do you think ?

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:25:57

I don't know whether to meet him at his or get him to come here. He won't get violent or anything that's not his style. But he will tell me I'm mad and unhinged.

Interestingly, my best friend never ever liked him. She was so right. She called him controlling and manipulative. And dead behind the eyes.

AnyFucker Mon 02-Sep-13 18:27:04

Could you ask him to meet somewhere neutral and public so you can both walk away if it gets much ?

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:28:13

She has told me to phone him tell him it's over and she will go with me to get my stuff and go no contact. Delete and block his number.

Rambling sorry. This is worse than when I split from my husband. I never cried then. I haven't cried yet but I feel sick and shaky.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:29:21

He won't take the rejection well. He will make it all my fault. I've been reading threads on here about emotional abuse and the one about the husband who was always right and that's him. He's always always right.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:30:12

At least I don't live with him and I have no kids with him

AnyFucker Mon 02-Sep-13 18:30:42

Then let him tell you it's your fault. You don't need to prove anything to him, nor try to make him understand

It's over, whether he accepts responsibility or not it changes nothing

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:31:45

Thank you AF. wise words as usual [smole]

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:31:58

Oh damn. smile

beaglesaresweet Mon 02-Sep-13 18:31:59

you mean, he lied about his identity or something like job/finances? that's how it sounds. Unless it's worse and he's a criminal.
Well, thank God you don't live together and no dc, imagkine he mess if you reached that stage! After a year it's painful but possible to recover, but sorry that you were so unlucky <hug>

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:32:49

He lied by missing out a marriage in his count of previous marriages, for a start. I don't see how you can tell someone you've been married once before when it's twice. He forgot. Apparently.

tessa6 Mon 02-Sep-13 18:33:06

I'm sorry for the pain but in a way, your situation is clear and that's fortunate. You know he's a fraud and abusive, you have a supportive friend who will go and get stuff for you. You just need to let him know you know and that it's over, in whatever way you want. Then ignore any lies or tantrums that come back in response. Expect that.

beaglesaresweet Mon 02-Sep-13 18:33:11

x-posts!

PrincessKitKat Mon 02-Sep-13 18:33:35

It's never nice to finish a relationship OP but if whatever you discovered has broken that 'connection' it's got to be done. And so what if he says you're nuts - clearly he has his own issues.

Like a plaster - rip it off, get it done, get away. Yes you might feel terrible for a few days but so much lighter and it will pass. Good luck.

Johnny5needsinput Mon 02-Sep-13 18:36:50

He lied about not having a degree when he did (know who I am now?). He lied about his marriage count. And when I called him on it he made me out to be thick and stupid and wrong. And I know what he told me.

He's a liar. He lies about small things like where he's going and what he's doing. Not stuff that matters, but off to the shops vs off to the golf club or going to see his family, when he's out with mates. I don't care, I'm not checking up or asking. But he lies. All the time. I don't know him at all. I know a facade not a real person.

sooperdooper Mon 02-Sep-13 18:37:34

Thinking of you, sounds like you have a lovely friend in RL who can support you too

If you know this is the right thing then focus on getting this done, and then you can start to move on, sounds like you've made your mind up 100% so that's all you need, whatever he says or tries to blame you is irrelevant, you know what's right and it will pass

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now