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Mil (age 67) and fil (72) say they now find it "too tiring" to have our dc to stay for 3 days in the summer holidays

(347 Posts)
Mintyy Sun 01-Sep-13 18:09:09

I'm a bit surprised. When I'm 67 I would hope to have the energy to hang out with a 10 year old and a 12 year old who require no more care than having their meals cooked and to be reminded to have a shower/go to bed (10 year old only).

Or is that unrealistic of me?

Mil is less than 17 years older than me to put it in context grin.

LadyMilfordHaven Sun 01-Sep-13 18:32:25

my boys still love going to my ILs - who are almost exactly the same age.
They go and eat shit food and go bowling and stuff
I think the ILs like having them alone too, without me!

usualsuspect Sun 01-Sep-13 18:32:54

Mind you I took two of my grandkids out today. And now I'm having a lie down and I'm no where near as old as 67 grin

TwoTearsInABucket Sun 01-Sep-13 18:35:14

I loved staying at my grandparents, what a shame for your DCs. Don't think it was viewed as free childcare either, more as a family holiday.
My parents will take my two when they are bit older, but only one at a time. And it is seen as part of summer holiday ritual as that's what we did with our grandparents. Probably both together when they are your kids age. Although by then they will be late 60s early 70s so maybe not!

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Sun 01-Sep-13 18:37:02

What a shame - 3 days isn't a long time once every summer.
My inlaws who are approx 71 & 74 always love to see their grandchildren (my nieces and nephews), which are a lot younger, 10 months 4, 5, 6 & 10 years, and this also includes sleepovers from time to time.
I worry about them because I wouldn't want them to get too tired etc., but they adore their grandchildren and get so much pleasure out of seeing them and don't see it as a chore at all.

LadyMilfordHaven Sun 01-Sep-13 18:37:24

Have you asked them what has changed? Or does that seem a bit cheeky?

AnyFucker Germany Sun 01-Sep-13 18:38:50

3 days per week of the holidays or 3 days total ?

Mintyy Sun 01-Sep-13 18:39:14

Just thinking back to when I went to my grandma's in the summer holidays (grandad was dead).

I used to go for 4 or 5 days every year, either with a cousin or two, or a school friend of mine. Until I was about 14, when I probably wanted to stop. Grandma would have been 70 then.

BIWI Cote D'Ivoire Sun 01-Sep-13 18:40:17

I would be surprised too. Mind you, my parents had the cheek to have a full social life which meant they could never fit us in. My PILs would and did do anything for us until they reached their early 80s.

Mintyy Sun 01-Sep-13 18:40:33

Anyfucker: 3 days in the whole summer holidays. 3 days in the whole year, infact. They never go to stay on their own at any other time.

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Sun 01-Sep-13 18:41:20

It's nothing to do with 'child care' whatsoever. It's about children knowing and having a close and loving relationship with their grandparents - afterall they are not around forever.

My parents do have a spare room (with a made up bed in it) in their house. Its mainly used these days to store my brother's ironing!.

I feel that my parents only visit here these days when they want my help with something, rather than wanting to see me or DS per se. I may be wrong but I do get that impression and have had feeling that more than once. As someone who had quite a close relationship with her now late grandmother, I feel at times very saddened by the choices they have freely made.

I have learnt some valuable lessons though in how not to behave in terms of grandparenthood!. If I am fit and able to help then I will do so, people younger than they get tired too!.

Mintyy Sun 01-Sep-13 18:43:59

No, quite right, its nothing to do with childcare. The gps have never done childcare for us ... they live 100 miles away!

Gosh, when people make assumptions in their replies they really do make an ass of themselves don't they?

CharlotteCollinsismovingon Sun 01-Sep-13 18:47:38

What if you went with your dcs?

AnyFucker Germany Sun 01-Sep-13 18:49:06

Ah. I am in the "selfish fuckers" camp of this debate then

My own parents are the same. They show no interest in their gc's life, then act all hurt when they are clearly sidelined by them in favour of my ILs

Consequences, m'dears

Oblomov Sun 01-Sep-13 18:50:04

My mum is the same. She is mid 60's and says she can't have ds's 9 and 5. Makes me really really sad and determined never to be the same.

TwoTearsInABucket Sun 01-Sep-13 18:51:00

I hope I didn't sound like I thought you were wanting free childcare, more that your children going to see their grandparents were like my childhood and now my nniece and nephew with their grandparents.

We went to see our grandparents in another country so it was always longer than three days!

So do your ILs have plans to see your DC at other times?

usualsuspect Sun 01-Sep-13 18:51:09

It's a shame really, if they live that far away.

I don't suppose they get to see them very often.

CharlotteCollinsismovingon Sun 01-Sep-13 18:52:42

My parents would never have any of my dcs by themselves, but love the opportunity to see them when we all go and stay (or have them to stay here).

Mintyy Sun 01-Sep-13 18:55:29

Thread is supposed to be more about what I would feel capable of achieving at 67 than anything else. Pils constantly on our cases to see more of them! As it is we probably see them for a weekend about every 8 weeks.

forehead Sun 01-Sep-13 18:56:53

I also think that they are 'selfish fuckers'. The kids are old enough to wash , feed themselves fgs. It's only for three days.
My mother has just looked after my kids for five days and my kids are younger than the op's.

RatherBeOnThePiste Sun 01-Sep-13 18:57:07

Maybe there is a big difference between what they feel they should be doing and actually what really is needed, Maybe they find the extra meal planning/ shopping a trial. My mum in her early 70s only cooked if she could be arsed, often having a banana/toast for a meal.

Dunno really, maybe your DH could find out, make sure everything is OK, no health scares etc. Shame they don't live nearer (maybe!) so instead of 3 days or so it could be a one night.

Hope everything is OK

KeepCoolCalmAndCollected Sun 01-Sep-13 18:57:21

TwoTearsInABucket - no not refering to you at all - it was someone upthread.

LadyMilfordHaven Sun 01-Sep-13 18:59:15

my mil rocks - loves having them and when she comes here if we go away sorts out my linen cupboard and cleans out my drawers. LOVE IT PLus ina really low key way. not " oh it was such a mess"

she never judges - never gives opinions, makes me very happy to ask for her ideas.

She is superbo

TwoTearsInABucket Sun 01-Sep-13 19:00:25

Sorry, I'm so sensitive!

My parents do get tired, they are 64 and 67 but they do it anyway. They love their grandkids to bits and love spending time with them.

NorkyButNice Sun 01-Sep-13 19:00:30

My parents are a similar age and wouldn't manage with my 2 younger boys, whereas my inlaws would be Ok.

My parents live locally though so see the boys every couple of weeks and take them out to the park or have them round for dinner. They used to have DS1 to stay one night a week when he was little then look after him the next day to save us childcare... Luxury!

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