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Too soon for weekend visits?

(104 Posts)
Absolutelylost Fri 30-Aug-13 23:02:33

My DH moved out at the beginning of July, saying he needed to live alone. He moved in with new lady first week in August and has now announced he wants 5 yr old DD to spend alternate weekends there in 4 weeks time. I think this is way too soon but am I letting my personal views about our marriage cloud what's best for our child?

Letsadmitit Tue 03-Sep-13 07:21:26

In a nutshell, insisting in waiting those six months so DD doesn't get confused with another woman (or to allow you some time to accept their relationship), may cost your DD the opportunity to see her dad regularly in the future.

KatyPutTheCuttleOn Tue 03-Sep-13 07:28:53

I'd let her go but insist on meeting the OW woman first. I did that and it worked OK, plus they agreed that she and the ex wouldn't be sharing a bed when the DC were there as they like to go and get in as well. They've kept to that.

Cabrinha Tue 03-Sep-13 07:34:22

I'm sorry you're in this situation, it's hard.
But 5 year olds can be really accepting and adaptable.
I told my 4.5 year old one month ago today that her father and I were getting divorced, what that means (living apart, don't love each other) and took her to see my new house the same day. She's been really excited about the house, and totally accepting of splitting her time. In our case, helped I think that I've always worked away a lot and then we've lived very separate lives at the weekend.

But also helped that we've both talked about the split positively.

Before I experienced this, I'd have been the first to talk about rules and timescales for meeting new partners. But now... I really wouldn't worry. She knows what a "date" is (thanks, Disney "Enchanted"!). Yesterday she said she wanted to be a bridesmaid so I took the opportunity to throw in that if (I did emphasise IF) daddy and I got remarried she could be. Reaction? "Then you mustn't get married on the same day and oh! wonderful! I could have 2 mummies and 2 daddies!!!"

I think you have to be careful how the new partner is presented - e.g. It would be confusing to present them as a permanent new stepmother rather than a dating girlfriend.

But actually, I would now introduce my 4.5yo to a new partner much quicker than I ever thought I was.

Frankly, she doesn't care that we're separated! Which is a good thing.

lunar1 Tue 03-Sep-13 07:37:30

I don't see how the op is punishing anyone, she is simply trying to protect her dd from being pushed into a family dynamic with her dad and his OW or brand new girlfriend.

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