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H finds married life boring

(50 Posts)
QuiteSo Fri 30-Aug-13 17:54:40

That's it really - H says things are dull with me and 2dc so he spends 3-4 nights out a week mainly with colleagues who have no kids, at pubs/nightclubs/parties till the early hours of the morning.

Was just wondering whether this is common among other people's husbands. When I was growing up, my father worked long hours but was home every evening and did domestic things (reading, TV, DIY). I just feel my H is acting like a student and not like a 40-something married father.

Lweji Sat 31-Aug-13 02:36:49

So you also spend 3-4 nights out a week, right?

I'd be out the door every night he's in. Possibly racing him to the door on nights he's supposed to go out too.

I'm sure you find married like to such a crap husband boring as well.

One of DH's friends is like this. He plays away as well. Sorry. He thinks he got married and had DC too early. His choice so I'm not crying for him. He was always moaning about his life, his hard-working, beautiful and wonderful wife. He was talking about divorce until she called his bluff and told him that he added nothing to her life, she added to his and he needed to sort himself out or fuck off. He has, partially at least, sorted himself.

Your DH needs a reality check.

Gracie990 Fri 30-Aug-13 21:12:28

I would also spy on him. I also think he's infatuated with a fun 20 something . :-( sorry.

AnyFucker Fri 30-Aug-13 20:55:59

Yup, a little simple detective work is needed here, IMO

FrancescaBell Fri 30-Aug-13 20:40:45

I think it's possible he's met someone else and is comparing her idiotic attempts at pretending to be a 'free spirit', with a real-life flesh and blood woman who by dint of being married to a boring drone of a man, unremarkably doesn't hang on his every word and tell him he's witty and marvellous all the time.

My advice? Check his phone and his laptop.

Has he always been like this or is this a bit of a midlife crisis, hankering after the youth that's slipping away so quickly? If the latter, you have a chance of repairing things. If he's just never grown up, I fear he never will.

Squitten Fri 30-Aug-13 20:29:16

Ask him if he would like a divorce so that he can go and live seperately as he wishes. I would like to hear what response he gives

Zoe900 Fri 30-Aug-13 20:22:44

puzzling I mean.

Zoe900 Fri 30-Aug-13 20:22:04

hmm, it sounds a little punishment. You are the mother of his children. he is not a 25 year old dating a woman nearly 15 years older. HE is part of the set up. He is a father. A husband, yet suddenly he's acting like this whole family thing is not his scene. confused Agree with anyfucker i'm afraid. I reckon he's infatuated/flirting in an EA with some younger and/or childfree woman from work.

As yellowballoons suggests, take the wind out of sails by calling his bluff.

"yes, yes! I need more me time! yes, I need to go out more! yes yes I'm so glad we discussed this as there are so many things I could get done if we split childcare 50:50

AnyFucker Fri 30-Aug-13 20:18:59

Men like this would simply use some other woman to provide child care for his half of the week (if it came to that)

His mother, or some naive bimbo he picked up along the way who thinks the sun shines out of his arse (for a while, at least)

Zoe900 Fri 30-Aug-13 20:16:57

Let him be crystal clear that if you split up he'll have the children HALF of the week.

He sees the alternative to married life as being freedom to come and go as he pleases. He probably doesn't visualise being 100% responsible for two children half of the week does he?? that's not what he's hankering after I bet.

I'd frighten him by listing off all the experiences you fancy having yourself and say you could get a chance to do them while he has the children.

yellowballoons Fri 30-Aug-13 20:08:36

This current situation is dangerous for your marriage.

tbh, I think I would slightly call his bluff and see what happens.

Get a babysitter, and you go out with your friends 3 or 4 times a week for a couple of weeks. See what happens.
A bit drastic and dramatic I know, and it may not have the intended result. But at least it will make him sit up and think.

If you carry on doing the same thing as you are doing now, you will get the same result.

AnyFucker Fri 30-Aug-13 20:06:48

I think he is comparing you, and your life together, unfavourably with other (younger and carefree) women

Do you have any suspicions he is playing away at all these late nights out, because I would after those last comments.

QuiteSo Fri 30-Aug-13 20:00:01

In a recent argument he said when we met (in our 20s; now pushing 40) I was much more fun, more lively, more sociable. Well, I was a carefree student then with no dependent children or job to get up early for!

He even complained on our recent holiday (which I booked) that it was too family-friendly and not adventurous enough, and he didn't want to go on 'family'-type holidays any more.

Bogeyface Fri 30-Aug-13 19:41:06

I am assuming he is now out, so tomorrow, around 6 ish say to him

"I have been thinking about what you said, and you are right, married life is boring. So I'll see you tomorrow. Dont forget the kids baths, dinners and homework!"

And go. Go anywhere, preferably to a friends where you can sleep over and dont go back until lunchtime. When he kicks off about it, as he will, explain to him that you were just agreeing with him about life being boring so you are just going out as he is doing. Act as if you genuinely cant see a problem, say to him that after all he does it so why cant you?

Whogivesashit Fri 30-Aug-13 19:40:09

He's a Twunt. But you know that already.

Gracie990 Fri 30-Aug-13 19:34:51

I don't think life is boring with children!

I slept way too much pre children, now we get up and do fun family stuff.

How old is he? I married at 31 so had a good, wild 12 years pre DC.

Portofino Fri 30-Aug-13 19:28:44

No not normal. He sounds like an arse.

calmingtea Fri 30-Aug-13 19:25:22

He is entitled and spoilt.

Nagoo Fri 30-Aug-13 19:16:54

Not normal.

I admit that I do get fed up of sitting in front of the telly while DH falls asleep.

So I go out once a week, send him out with his friends so he has something to talk about, and try to book us a 'date' once a month at a comedy night or something. He also cooks dinner every fortnight or so where we turn off the telly and have wine and talk to each other.

He's being a dick and blaming you for it. Not on.

Yes family life can get boring, but if you love your partner you try to make more fun for both of you -- either going out more, or finding fun things to do at home together, or making sure both of you get to go out with your friends on your own.

Someone who just says 'you're boring, I'm out' has basically checked out of the marriage. I don't know how you stay with someone like that.

Is there anything left between the two of you that can be rebuilt? I'm sorry but it sounds pretty dire.

mammadiggingdeep Fri 30-Aug-13 19:05:29

It's normal when the relationship isn't right and the bloke isn't into his family enough. Been there, got the t shirt. You'll feel so much better when you tell him to sling his hook......

stargirl1701 Fri 30-Aug-13 18:54:33

No, not normal. Most people get this out of their systems when they are students in their 20s and actually relish the settling down into family life in their late 30s/early 40s.

AnyFucker Fri 30-Aug-13 18:53:31

You tolerate this shit ?

Why ?

Notmadeofrib Fri 30-Aug-13 18:50:06

No it's not normal. My dh said his favourite bit of the day is the cup of tea we have in bed in the morning with our DC having their milk. Life is 'boring'.

I'm sorry OP but this doesn't sound very positive. - why are you with him? What do you get out of this?

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