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WTF! 'friend' my arse !!

(40 Posts)
PTFO Thu 29-Aug-13 22:45:06

when she's confronted, denies, denies, denies. which by default implies I'M lying which Im not.
she's a total coward.
no apology.
total histerics and tears from her, total drama all me me me.

fuck her, there are better people out there worth my time effort and friendship. I deserve better. I could not have done more for her. some people take take take and their is no give and this one takes the piss. I do not deserve to me treated like that.

bitter twisted jelousy has eaten her up. what a waste.

Bluemonkeyspots Thu 29-Aug-13 22:53:24

I take it there is a backstory to this?

Anniegetyourgun Thu 29-Aug-13 23:03:08

This is like one of those cryptic Facebook statuses, innit? Somebody, somewhere probably knows what it means.

SoleSource Thu 29-Aug-13 23:18:13

Is this Facebook?

Not!

smile

Come on tell us...

Ruprekt Thu 29-Aug-13 23:31:47

You might need to elaborate.......sad

internationallove985 Thu 29-Aug-13 23:33:14

What has she done. xx

PTFO Fri 30-Aug-13 09:36:15

sorry did type long informative message last night but I was so angry I deleted it.

Soooo...backstory.

'friend X' has for the last year been making nasty comments to me designed to make her feel better about herself. She has a chip on her shoulder about how she looks, weight etc. all comments under the guise of humour but clearly they are bitter and nasty. Ive separated these comments from our friendship as I put it down to the chip on her shoulder talking. Ive trying talking to her over the year and she has laughed in my face.

Ive put everything into this friendship and Ive been her shoulder to cry on, given her clothes as she has lost weight as shes not much money, given her son clothes that my ds has barely worn, I got her a gift when she got to her goal weight, cheered her on been supportive despite these comments. I thought that perhaps once she lost weight she would stop with the need to try and bring me down but no, she admitted that the chip is worse than ever.

Last month it was her bday, I went to ALOT of effort. She had a party and I didn't even get a slice of cake, it was boxed up and taken home, I was starving all the food had gone when we arrived and we were told to go to the chippy, so I managed to get bar staff to allow me to buy some dessert which she shared with me. (I made my ds bday cake/no party but made sure her/family got a chuck) On her actual bday I got her over to mine, bought lots of mini cupcake/presents etc etc she took cakes hm for her family. It became clear that anything Ive said to her in confidence she has repeated to someone else. Ive not had a thank you for any of it.

I saw her yesterday she acted as if all was normal, I told her we needed to chat and sort something out. she has no idea what she could have done wrong. so I said I would see her next week as kids with us.
so roll onto evening and she cant wait she needs to know now, her head is spinning, shes in tears, mentally shes in a bad place. I offer to go straight round. She declines but wants to know by text. half an hour later her hubby texts me, plse can you tell her whats she done wrong and she dosent know and shes very upset.

Now for a month she has known Im upset and not approached me. I live 2 mins away, she has not bothered her head all month but now she is.

So I go round and they ignore the door..get in my car to go and I see her hubby in kitchen....so I go back. He lets me in and X stands there in tears denys saying these things to me tells me its her houmour...her dh wants to kick me out, X refuses wants to know everything so I tell her, examples of things she said, no apology no Im sorry if you took it like that Ill be more carefull with what I say just tears and screaming that she cant take it and she hates herself and she must be a horrible person.

My mum keeps telling me she is NO friend get rid but aside from the snide remarks we got on well but maybe I have MUG across my face

so that's the jist of it...I don't even care if this outs me. IM DONE.

PTFO Fri 30-Aug-13 09:42:39

Oh and I would never have upset her before her bday as it ment so much to her and I understood that. But she is more than happy to upset me last night as today is MY bday. cheers X!!

She sounds awful.

You say aside from the snide remarks she is nice but you can't compartmentalise some of her behaviour and ignore it and just pretend the bit you acknowledge makes her a nice person.

What is in this for you? It isn't just the snide remarks either, is it? She doesn't appreciate anything you do for her and she doesn't seem to be giving you the same kindness back.

Ditch her. Who has the time to prop up somebody like this? I think your mum is right

Oh and Happy birthday!

Seriously, forget about her and enjoy your day! smile

Happy birthday!

Forget her, people like that will suck the life blood from you without a backward glance. Dumping a friendship always hurts no matter how shit the friend but you're really better off binning this one.

Have a lovely day flowers

PTFO Fri 30-Aug-13 10:04:15

Bigboobiedbertha (love the name btw)

Your right, so is my mum. She has never given or done anything for me but then I don't expect it. We have a few things in common and I thought we got on well but its all one way isn't it. Your spot on about not getting the same kindness back, its all lack of respect, use and abuse. Now if I had said these things to her she would not be able to take it but she can dish out!

speaking of dishing Ive got chocolate bday cake for brekky calling me!

difficultpickle Fri 30-Aug-13 10:06:12

So you arrived late at a party and there was no food left. Why were you late? Did your friend know you were going to be late? Did you ask her to save you some food? If not then not sure what she is supposed to have done.

You bought her cupcakes on her birthday and she took them home. I assume they were a present to her so why wouldn't she be allowed to take them home?

I assume you gave her clothes that you and your ds no longer need. If she didn't say thank you then I agree that isn't very nice. The only other thing that isn't nice is telling others what you said to her. I assume you told her things in confidence but if your remarks weren't very nice then maybe she thought she was doing your other friends a favour by telling them what you were saying behind their back.

QueenQueenie Fri 30-Aug-13 10:09:40

How old are you both?

Mindmaps Fri 30-Aug-13 10:12:36

12/13?

QueenQueenie Fri 30-Aug-13 10:15:33

I think that rather generous.
Seriously op, mature people don't behave like this in friendships. It all sounds like massively hard work and far too much drama.

difficultpickle Fri 30-Aug-13 10:17:20

Whoops, I forgot it is still the school holidays!

PTFO Fri 30-Aug-13 10:19:58

bisjo

Yes I arrived late ( 1 hour) she was fore warned what time I would arrive and she was fine with this a week or so before party. Part of the reason I was late was I was organising and carrying her 2nd round of bday surprises. Never thought to ask her to save food, didn't think it would be out the second everyone arrived. But she never thought to save us any did she. I bought my own cake from bar staff (which she shared!)....which leads on to..

Yes cupcakes for her my point being Ive bought cakes for her, given her some of my ds bday cake and I go to her party and it boxed up and taken home after no food. Only to tell she spent all weekend eating it. She didn't think or want to share it with me. as I said she lives two mins away I would without a shadow of doubt have kept some aside for her. she cannot extend that kindness to me. happy to take all presents but to think further than that.

I have given all clothes I no longer need yes that's correct and she thanked me. My point being how much I give to our friendship. The info she has passed on to someone else is very personal to me, very private and does not involve talking about anyone else. Thats hurtfull and unkind and a gossip.

Happy birthday flowers cake wine

AnyFucker Fri 30-Aug-13 10:26:09

You both sound as drama llama as each other

Do people really live like this other than on the Jeremy Kyle show ?

difficultpickle Fri 30-Aug-13 10:27:04

So she passed on info you had told her in confidence? That isn't very nice but not exactly a reason for a drama. I would just choose someone else to confide in. If you didn't ask her to save you food then not sure what she has done wrong there as how is she supposed to know you wouldn't have eaten prior to going to the party, especially as you knew you would be late.

If you were the only one not to get any birthday cake and you were there when it was served to everyone else then I agree that is a bit odd. Not really a drama though. Just chose other friends.

My best friend told me to 'get over it' a month after I had been injured in a terrorist attack where others around me had died. I didn't make a drama about it I just dropped her as a friend. I was fortunate to discover who were my real friends and a bit sad that I'd wasted 20 years investing in and supporting a friend through a whole host of issues only to discover that the one time I needed her support she wasn't interested. Cutting contact also meant ds lost two of his godparents (her and her dh).

Wuldric Fri 30-Aug-13 10:29:57

Blimey o riley

HotCrossPun Fri 30-Aug-13 10:35:33

Sounds bloody exhausting.

Is your friendship really worth all this angst? It reads like you are a couple of teenagers.

Enjoy your birthday and don't invest anymore time or energy into trying to salvage your friendship.

Helltotheno Fri 30-Aug-13 13:04:55

OP the issue here really is that you need to remove your 'doormat' sandwich board. Once you do that, you'll find everything falls into place nicely.

Telling people their lives are like something off Jeremy Kyle is so unhelpful and rude.

OP you really need to ditch this friend, think of this incident as the straw that broke the camels back!

Move on and good luck.

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