So, is new man odd?

[HockeyNag]

Regular here, who has nc as I feel a bit of an idiot and possibly a bit of a cow!

I have a new relationship that's been going well for approx 6 weeks. I've been single for 3 years; he hasn't had a gf for 14 years! I can't see any obvious reason why not, except perhaps he has been overweight in the past and is now losing weight and feeling more confident. He is very intelligent and ridiculously thoughtful.

So, what's the problem? I feel he's a bit clingy, although he is very respectful of my need for space. I have a lot more going on in my life than he does. I have two teenage dc. He is divorced, with no dc and very few friends locally - although he does have several very close friends in other cities. He is also very well loved by said friends.

He has parents who live abroad and already, he has told them all about me and how happy he is. They have asked to e mail me and give their congratulations. His mum has also arranged for wine and chocolates to be sent. They are delighted for him and it makes me feel odd somehow. I have given very brief details to my own mother so far but that's normal for my family.

The reason it all feels so odd is because his family and friends are so overjoyed and it's such early days. I do like him, he does have lots to recommend him but still I feel a bit freaked out. I did try to explain (he's a good listener) but still the celebrations continue and I am beginning to feel myself backing off. Imagine I decided not to continue with this relationship? Am I right in thinking the way I do?

[japonicabumsplatt]

CELEBRATIONS? Cos he is seeing someone for a matter of minutes.
RUN

[japonicabumsplatt]

An EMAIL? Oh my word. I simply cannot understand such a reaction to their adult son seeing a woman...flabbergasted here.

[HockeyNag]

So, I am being realistic?

[wannaBe]

I would say that because he hasn't had a relationship for fourteen years it's likely that his family are just really very happy (if perhaps a bit too demonstrative) about it. Are they from abroad? this kind of acceptance/celebration may be part of whatever culture they are from, so while in the UK may seem OTT, in another culture may be considered perfectly normal iyswim.

I wouldn't back off just because of that.

[FamiliesShareGerms]

This is odd... But it seems to be his parents who are odd, not him? I don't think you should cut short a relationship with someone just because their parents (who live abroad, therefore you won't have to see on a regular basis) are a bit intense

[HockeyNag]

No, his family are British but live abroad. So, not excuses there! He is very close to them and I feel he might be over-sharing just a little.

[HockeyNag]

And no, he hasn't dated either in that 14 year period.

[japonicabumsplatt]

Well, someone I know married a bloke who seemed a bit odd at the begining. She overlooked him still living at home with his mum aged 40, bringing an album to each date and meticoulosly noting each aspect of said date, his sister leaving notes for him down the side of the couch telling him how she prayed for him and loved him and many other things besides. He had girlfriends. They all dumped him.
If you think it is odd then you listen to yourself.

[temporarilyjerry]

I wouldn't necessarily say ltb, but I think you need to be less tactful in telling him how odd this is.

[japonicabumsplatt]

By the way, my friend? That didn't work out one little bit.

[KatieScarlett2833]

Giving him the benefit of the doubt it sounds like he really, REALLY likes you and isn't afraid to show it.
DH raved about me to anyone who would stand still and listen when we first met. It was fine by me as I felt the same way. It doesn't sound like you do rhough, so you need to tell him to calm the feck down.

[TracyK]

It would freak me out a bit tbh

[HockeyNag]

He really is very sensible and I know I can risk saying how I feel without causing him to be upset. He says he likes me a lot - he
said so right from the start but I feel myself becoming less keen as the pressure for things to succeed mount.

[wannaBe]

no dates either in fourteen years? why?

how did you meet?

[DonkeysDontRideBicycles]

They probably can't understand why a kind genuine man like him remains single, is all.. Does he have a tragic past, a long gone gf he loved? Did he fancy you from afar and maybe describe you to them in glowing terms.

I just made that sound creepier still didn't I .

[daphnesglasses]

how did he react to it? did he seem like it was a bit funny/amusing etc or a perfectly normal thing for his parents to do?

I can see why it'd put you off... depends how you feel about him but it'd make me worried that it could be hard to dump him should you want to later on. 6 weeks is very early days!

[daphnesglasses]

x-post yes OP you don't want to feel press-ganged into it. Could just be inexperience/lack of practice on his part. Could you tell him just to back off a bit and give you some space?

[TheMightyMarge]

I wouldn't write him off just (yet) because of this - it does seem that it's mainly his parents being odd. You could try to tell him that you are a private person and this feels like invading your space. That he is free to talk to his parents/ people about what's going on in his life, but that you don't want to be involved or indeed contacted by strangers at this stage.

I have a very good friend who didn't have a boyfriend or dates or anything in about 10 years, despite being super lovely, good looking, smart, all the rest. WHen she did finally meet someone (now her husband and father of her 2 children), we in the friend group were perhaps a bit overjoyed (although didn't send emails or chocolates or anything to the poor chap!). We genuinely were so because she is brilliant! Not because she finally managed to land a partner who would put up with her. Anyway, just wanted to tell you that side of it. Good luck either way :)

[Chubfuddler]

I agree with Marge.

But equally after six weeks you owe him nothing so if you are not happy bin him.

[CharityFunDay]

I doubt that the family will keep up this level of intensity for long. They're probably just thrilled for the man, and trying to be welcoming. Ride it out, with a smile. After all, it's not your man who's doing it.

If, on the other hand, the barrage is never-ending then in your situation I would feel a bit claustrophobic and weirded out. Wait and see.

[HockeyNag]

I already have (kindly) asked him to back off. He took it all on board and says he will do 'whatever it takes'. His reaction to his over-enthusiastic mother is to find it amusing and kind.

Absolutely not a tragic past. On the contrary, has had only two significant relationships both of which were loving and fulfilling as far as I can judge. He is just lacking a bit of confidence with women and thinks no-one fancies him. He's not particularly good looking but definitely makes up for it in personality.

It just feels a bit like because he has no dc's, he is happy to be treated like a chils by family and friends. 'Good boy, well done', type of thing!

[HockeyNag]

• child

[FloraSpreadableMacDonald]

Its only human to run at the signs of desperation. All the books tell us folks trying to win back our exes to appear aloof and as if your life is full and busy. A confident person is attractive.
However, he is probably a bit out of practise with relationships and is open in showing his feelings. My dp is the opposite but somewhere in between is nice.
His parents will be overjoyed because they were probably at the stage of knitying him a girlfriend!
How old is he and how did you meet? What attracted you to him?