My mum is single, and has been since she got divorced when I was 3. She doesn't have many friends (her best friend died of cancer a few years ago), she doesn't live near her family and can't drive to see them. One of my brothers and I live very close by but we see her rarely and don't talk to her much (this is for a number of reasons). She is socially isolated and I made her go to the doctors as I believed she was depressed and not looking after herself properly. The doctor agreed and started her on ADs a few months ago but as yet, I have seen no improvement in her.
She does not look after herself. She hoards things and has a filthy house. She never cleans it (as in, her bathroom hadn't been cleaned in years until I intervened). She doesn't wash. She washes a couple of times a year at best, and she stinks as a result.
I told her when I was pregnant that I could not have her involved with my DD if she didn't sort herself and her house out as she is so unhygienic. She made a token effort on her house but still lives in an awful house and still doesn't wash.
I know that she lives like this due to depression and emotional issues but she is also like a child. She gets into a massive huff if you say something she doesn't like. She interrupts when people are talking and starts an entirely new conversation. DH struggles to talk to her at all because it's impossible to keep track of her conversation. She doesn't seem to enjoy anything and brings down everyone's mood when she is around. She is also helpless.
She just called me to say that she has an interview. It is for a job doing fewer hours than she currently does and she can't afford a pay cut. It makes no sense at all. I asked if she had showered as she won't create a good impression if she isn't well presented. She hasn't. I told her to shower. I asked how she was getting to the interview. She said she would cycle (it's a few miles away, it's hot here and my mum is very overweight). I said she would find rushing there on bike stressful and that it would make her sweaty and worn out and to get a taxi which I would pay for. She said she would consider it. She then said she didn't know any taxi numbers and couldn't look online so I had to look them up for her. She just seems go be getting more and more helpless. She seems to be incapable of looking after herself and so far, the depression doesn't seem to be any better. I know more contact with DD, my brother and I would make her happier but it is not viable when she is in such a state (I know that sounds harsh but I have tried everything to help her that I can think of and she refuses to change, and I have a dirt and contamination OCD so I can't overlook her hygiene issues).
What can I do? I feel like I need to help her and spend more time with her but I can't unless she changes and she won't. I don't want to leave her to it as she has a miserable life ATM.
Any wise words or recommendations of professionals that can help? I am only mid 20's and mum isn't even mid 50's but I don't feel like a have a mother, and have felt this way for dome time now. DD is only 7mo and I want her to have a happier, healthier nan but I just don't know what to do.
Please or to access all these features
Please
or
to access all these features
Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody
Relationships
I don't know what to do about Mum (Long!)
11 replies
Jammee · 29/08/2013 13:32
OP posts:
Please create an account
To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.