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Why did she say this?

(58 Posts)
pickledbeetroot Mon 26-Aug-13 22:05:58

When I was 11 years old my mother turned to me and said

"You are not and never will be as beautiful as me."

It was completely out of the blue. I don't know how to stop thinking about it.

QueenofWhispers Tue 27-Aug-13 00:56:36

My mother said this to me too. i must have been around 11 too, I had just started my period (I think it was my second or third of my first period).

She's actually my step mother, but she's raised me since I was two so she's the only mother I have ever known. When she said it though, I just figured, okay you can be as pretty as you want, I'll always have a better personality.

pickledbeetroot Tue 27-Aug-13 06:31:07

Wow alfafa what a comeback shock

You must've been very mature to think that at that age queen. I just remember crying and hiding in my wardrobe!

True thoughts though, it's definitely not hard to have a better personality than my mums. She says having a hard life growing up in a small council house (she's one of nine) has made her a strong and better person. I always think if that's the case, then I'd hate to think how much more cruel and selfish you would've been without that upbringing!

QueenofWhispers Tue 27-Aug-13 08:55:23

I had sustained quite a lot of verbal and mental abuse up till that point, while being the only childcare for my half-siblings from the age of 5. If it wasn't for the fact that I had to watch 3 children under the age of 3 almost full time...I may have become involved with the wrong crowd. Thank goodness for my full time job!

pickledbeetroot Tue 27-Aug-13 09:40:58

That must've been hard queen, your childhood taken away from you. Unluckily for me I did end up in the wrong crowd, but I met DP through that crowd and we are now healthy, happy and the parents of two gorgeous boys. That time of my life is just a big blur, I have no idea what really happened and that's scary. But I'm very lucky to have come out the other side, I hate the thought that if I hadn't of met DP I might still be in that state now.

pickled have a look at this link .

Well done on creating a happy family for yourself!

whycantimoveon Tue 27-Aug-13 12:54:37

Nowhere near as bad as some of the stories on here, but my Mum always used to make me feel ugly, I used to ask her if I was pretty and she used to say 'yes your OK' or 'apart from your nose, your fine I suppose'

She often says in public how afwul a child/teenager I was. She makes it out like a joke, but im 40, could she not just let it go now!

When I split from my H, she said I shouldnt be going out anywhere 'at my age'

I lost loads of weight, went to the gym and have never looked better, she said I was 'too thin and looked silly'

I have really really distanced myself from her now, I hardly ever contact her and I know shes upset as she has told my brothers that she is, but it just depresses me when I speak to her.

So sorry I cant help OP, but I know how you feel ! (sort of!)

pickledbeetroot Tue 27-Aug-13 14:20:34

Thanks for the link unlikely, I'll have a good look later as I busy atm.

whycant funnily enough my mum always used to comment on my nose! There is always something to make a negative comment about hmm

I totally understand how you feel, I get depressed when I speak to my mum too. I'm going to distance myself from her, I'm definitely stopping unsupervised access with my DSs. I get worried she'll be upset, have no idea why as I'm sure she won't be half as upset as she's made me over the years!!

whycantimoveon Tue 27-Aug-13 14:51:56

The thing is I dont think you will ever win, because I now feel guilty about not contacting her much !!

Every now and then I will ring her because I feel sorry for her..

I have serious issues about my nose :-( I am saving for surgery and I will get it done one day!

Just remembered another one she does! my daughter has very long, slim legs, which my Mum has and so do I. When my Mum talks about my daughter, she always goes on about how lovely her legs are and how she should thank her (my Mum) for them! all she has ever said about mine is that they are OK, but 'bandy'!!

I tell my daughter every single day how beautiful she is and will continue to do that for ever and ever!

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