Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Meeting someone who doesn't fit with what you imagined?

(20 Posts)
obviouslyneedsupernanny Mon 26-Aug-13 20:32:50

I am single and in my head have an ideal 'type' of man I can see myself settling down with. But I have met someone who doesn't fit that image at all. Do you give that person a chance?

GilmoursPillow Mon 26-Aug-13 20:33:11

Yes!

cozietoesie Mon 26-Aug-13 20:33:42

Well what do you feel about him?

SubliminalMassaging Mon 26-Aug-13 20:34:47

Of course, if you like him. One of the loves of my life and the one that got away was someone I didn't fancy at all for the first year that I knew him.

Smartiepants79 Mon 26-Aug-13 20:35:04

Yes! If you like him and he likes you. Is he interesting? Funny? Reasonably attractive?
It's always worth a go.
Having a type is dangerous in my opinion. Could mean you never give anyone a chance.

obviouslyneedsupernanny Mon 26-Aug-13 20:36:31

Well it's a woman. She is gay and I have always thought of myself as straight, I still do. But I am attracted to her

Casmama Mon 26-Aug-13 20:37:43

My husband wouldn't have fitted my ideal type and we are very happy, same could be said for most of my friends. Types tend to be pretty superficial IMO so give him a chance.

flipchart Mon 26-Aug-13 20:37:45

Absolutely!!
As long as your not getting any red flags and feel like your settling because you 'have to'

23 years ago I met a man that wasn't my ideal image of the bloke I thought I would end up with.
He is (and truth be told still) overweight, not conventionaly good looking (according to my vain friends of the time)

He is the most fantastic husband and father of our boys. Loves us all to bits and goes way way beyond the call of duty to make us happy.

Love him to bits.

All my friends love him and think I got lucky. No, I saw a nice bloke that respects women and adores family life and had similar values to mine.

(my vain friend is on her third divorce)

obviouslyneedsupernanny Mon 26-Aug-13 20:37:53

She's lovely and kind.
We are just friends at the moment and she has no idea really that I have these feelings, although I know she has them about me.

Mumsyblouse Mon 26-Aug-13 20:38:53

Are you attracted as in wanting to have a relationship and sleep with her? I don't see why life can't surprise you in this type of way.

flipchart Mon 26-Aug-13 20:40:02

Ok I have just seen your post about your gay friend.

My SIL was married for many years and when her relationship broke up with DH she feel in love with an American woman.
SIL is still with this women 12 years later - she is a lovely person.

SIL said she never felt gay - just that this person was her soul mate.
Fair enough

There were children involved and things got sorted with no issues.

whitesugar Mon 26-Aug-13 20:40:06

So long as the person who doesn't fit the image still has the attributes that you find attractive i.e. works hard, is loving, caring, honest, intelligent, kind and makes you laugh. Don't compromise on these issues. If he is rude, crude, unkind, work shy, bit of a moron, feckless, drinks too much ... I could go on but you get the picture.

obviouslyneedsupernanny Mon 26-Aug-13 20:41:58

I have had some wine so probably am thinking about it more positively than I usually would. Suppose I will wait until tomorrow and see nwk I feel

whitesugar Mon 26-Aug-13 20:42:54

SuperNan, apologies for stereotyping. I assumed you meant a bloke which just goes to show how narrow minded I am. Lesson learned! Good luck.

obviouslyneedsupernanny Mon 26-Aug-13 20:45:30

Yeah I am sexually attracted to her but feel like something is holding me back

obviouslyneedsupernanny Mon 26-Aug-13 20:46:27

That's ok. I did say I had an ideal man after all!

Mumsyblouse Mon 26-Aug-13 20:51:28

In this situation, you don't have that much to lose and hopefully if you know she likes you, it could all take off very nicely. Much better than pining over someone you don't know if they like you. What is holding you back? (genuine question, there may be lots of things).

obviouslyneedsupernanny Mon 26-Aug-13 21:08:20

I think the only thing holding me back is having a vision of being married to a nice man and just having the perfect family life. No offense meant, I know being with a woman isn't 'abnormal' it just doesn't fit with what I had in mind for my future.
So confused. Suppose I just need to see her more and see how I feel but won't mention it to her until I have thought about it more

shootfromthehip Mon 26-Aug-13 21:18:42

People make you happy, not images in your head. Spend more time with her and enjoy yourself!

People fall in love and lust with people, not genders.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now