Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

My mind is made up. this is the last straw.

(19 Posts)
Daisypops Mon 26-Aug-13 21:35:21

Sounds just like my exp fairy130389. Best decision I ever made was to LTB. Never looked back. And my children are better for it. When you are well enough make plans and get out because it won't improve x

PicardyThird Mon 26-Aug-13 20:42:32

By speaking to you like that in front of his dd, he is effectively abusing her too. You would have a strong case, I think, for you taking her with you being seen as you having acted to protect her.

I'm so sorry. He sounds horrendous.

fuckwittery Mon 26-Aug-13 20:32:09

If you don't have parental responsibility for your DSD it is possible to acquire it.

Does your DSD's mother still see her? You could gain parental responsibility for DSD if all parties with parental responsibility now agree (i.e. her mother and your 'D'P), it is a simple matter of filling in a form and each of you attending at a local court office with ID.

If that is something that could be agreed, might be an idea to do that before taking any other steps, to formalise your relationship with her.
link to form here, and the notes explain what you have to do.

www.direct.gov.uk/prod_consum_dg/groups/dg_digitalassets/@dg/@en/documents/digitalasset/dg_181743.pdf

If you don't think this would be agreed, it is possible to apply for PR for your DSD, by way of an order of the court, if you have brought her up this might would be successful but you should take legal advice on it.

Hissy Mon 26-Aug-13 20:32:03

Get yourself some CAB help asap, you might be able to get him out AND get HB etc until you can get back to work.

Do it! smile

ageofgrandillusion Mon 26-Aug-13 20:30:05

What do you 'love' about this man OP? Seriously, what???

Sparklysilversequins Mon 26-Aug-13 20:26:43

Any chance he's the kind of loser who would find his dd too much like hard work and let you take her?

What a terrible situation sad.

Jammee Mon 26-Aug-13 20:20:02

He sounds awful! You and the DCs deserve better!

I have a stomach bug too and today DH has been looking after DD whilst I have been in bed. He still brings her up to me every 2 hours for breastfeeding (when I also express so he can bottle feed) and when I popped downstairs I saw a trail of mess everywhere and I had a bit of a moan at him but now I feel lucky! He had no right to talk to you like that and should not leave DSD to look after a newborn. Give him an ultimatum and if he doesn't shape up chuck him!

pictish Mon 26-Aug-13 20:14:50

laxy? lazy obviously!

pictish Mon 26-Aug-13 20:13:46

Ahhh I seeee...
It read like HE had only moved in in March. Doh!

He has been verbally abusive to me all day, in front of children. Calling me a 'fucking matyr', telling me 'don't fucking tell me what to do with my child you fucking arsehole' trying to tell me he does all the childcare

That's as far as I needed to read...anything beyond that was just sprinkles on top of your cake.

This guy is a disrespectful, spiteful, abusive, laxy, selfish wanker OP. I feel for you...you're going to have to ltb because he is so ghastly.

RandomMess Mon 26-Aug-13 20:11:54

Do you have parental responsibility for your DSD perchance?

Honestly I'd be tempted to go to refuge and take her with you and worry about it afterwards but then that's me.

Fairy130389 Mon 26-Aug-13 20:10:08

Sorry, just read it back and that bit was unclear. I'm not concentrating very well.

Fairy130389 Mon 26-Aug-13 20:09:23

We moved into our new house in March, Pictish.

Fairy130389 Mon 26-Aug-13 20:08:49

Honestly Ehric? I can't remember anymore.
We do have good days, we get on well, we have the same sense of humour, but his bad points, of which there are so many, completely over shadow the good.

pictish Mon 26-Aug-13 20:08:12

* I can count on one hand the amount of times he has done the washing up since moving in in March.*

I don't want to just up and leave my DSD here, I have brought her up, it would be like her mother leaving her

These two statements are at odds with each other. Can you explain better how you have brought his dd up, yet he only moved in in march? That's confusing.

He sounds dreadful.

Shlurpbop Mon 26-Aug-13 20:07:09

So sorry you've had a rubbish day, and while you've been feeling ill.
I have no good advice I'm afraid except to say, yes, you do need to leave him.
Horrible little man xxx

What exactly do you love about him?

Fairy130389 Mon 26-Aug-13 20:03:38

I think I know that now coffee. But I'm trapped until I return to work. I don't know what to do. He certainly won't leave and I guess he has as much right as me to remain here.

CoffeeandScones Mon 26-Aug-13 20:01:49

This may be hard to believe, but you will feel better in the end. And you know you can't stay with this man.

Fairy130389 Mon 26-Aug-13 19:57:35

DH is an abusive fuckwit. We have a new baby (9) weeks, and I have an 8 year old DSD who lives with us full time.

This is just a snapshot in time, bear in mind.
Today, I have had a horrendous stomach bug, so been in bed most of day alternating between being sick etc.

He has been left to mind children.
This has consisted of him sitting in the nursery, watching films on the IPAD, whilst 8 yr old DSD watches the baby.

He has been verbally abusive to me all day, in front of children. Calling me a 'fucking matyr', telling me 'don't fucking tell me what to do with my child you fucking arsehole' trying to tell me he does all the childcare (he doesn't)

Today I made an excecutive decision to stay out of the way, I don't want children getting bug, and I feel like shit, why shouldn't I expect their father to look after them ffs?

I have heard DS crying loads. DH's default positition is to feed him. not cuddle him etc. Then he gets annoyed and says 'you've messed up his fucking routine, he keeps crying to be fed'.

He does nothing around the house, at all. He takes his top off and leaves it on the floor ibn the lounge, shoes, socks and sometimes trousers every single day. I can count on one hand the amount of times he has done the washing up since moving in in March. He has never done the laundry.
When I called him on this, he tried to tell me that he does half. HALF! he lives on another planet.
I love him, but I am sinking into depression and I know that I can't live like this. I don't want my children to grow up like this.

I am on maternity leave and now only on SMP so don't know what my rights are. I can't afford my own place although will be able to when I go back to work.
I don't want to just up and leave my DSD here, I have brought her up, it would be like her mother leaving her, but I don't have rights to take her do I?

Please help, I'm devestated and feel so alone.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now