Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Why do exes do this?

(27 Posts)
brokenhearted55 Mon 26-Aug-13 17:59:21

I was dumped in December / January and it broke my heart. Hence the nickname. I started a thread a while ago asking for tips on how to contact him and what to.say as I couldn't let go of it.

I thought better of it thank god! I started making new friends, new hobbies, dating again and got over my ex bf. We were together less than a year.

I have not seen him for about 9 months, not spoken to him for about 8 months and there were just the odd texts after the break up: no more than a couple. then radio silence.

Now he's texted me a few weeks ago about nothing, I ignored him. Now an email about something he thought Id like and asking how i was.

WTF!!!! He was horrible when we broke up and said some really cruel things.

Why would an ex do this? Should I.just ignore?

EllaFitzgerald Mon 26-Aug-13 18:05:12

Ignore, ignore, ignore! You've done really well to get over him, don't let him drag you back in. You're not friends and he didn't behave particularly nicely during the break up, by the sounds of it.

Can you change your number and block his emails?

LittlePeaPod Mon 26-Aug-13 18:08:46

Probably because the person he has been seeing inbetween has just duped his butt and his feeling lonely and thinks you are a push over.. Agree with Ella ignore, ignore ignore.....

brokenhearted55 Mon 26-Aug-13 18:18:37

I'm not fussed about contact from him. It doesn't hurt me now. I can't be arsed to change my number because of him.

I'll just ignore him.

cozietoesie Mon 26-Aug-13 18:27:50

If they're not doing quite so well (and sometimes if they are - how greedy is that?) they often don't like the thought of you getting on and enjoying life without them. Their egos feel a lot better if they can find out that you're 'still yearning' for them, particularly if you're looking good and having a great time (as maybe reported by mutual acquaintances.)

Nothing will have changed. You're doing right to just ignore him.

jasmine3663 Mon 26-Aug-13 18:30:37

Ignore completely

Ignore.

I don't really get the whole - let's be friends thing.

I already have friends, and they are not people who I used to shag and then broke up with. confused

MexicanHat Mon 26-Aug-13 18:34:24

This happened to me.

Wished I'd ignored but ended up being sucked in again. I truly think they just like having their ego stroked, that they can pick you up whenever they please.

Well done on being so strong! I've definitely learnt my lesson. Broken heart nearly mended, hope yours is x

brokenhearted55 Mon 26-Aug-13 20:07:55

Come to think of it...he may have heard via the grape.vine that I'm doing great and dating someone.

cozietoesie Mon 26-Aug-13 20:12:09

There you go - knowing you were still yearning for him would have been even more of an ego massage in those circumstances.

cozietoesie Mon 26-Aug-13 20:14:35

Although, come to think of it, you might also get a sprinkle of 'Another man wants her so she must be worth more than I had her pegged at' added in to the mix.

Sheezz.

brokenhearted55 Mon 26-Aug-13 20:21:18

Bingo cozietoesie.....ignore him!
His text was written in a way that I swear he was trying to impress me.

kalidanger Mon 26-Aug-13 20:26:01

When my ex texts me I accidentally make really unpleasant scrunched up face "Wtf do you want? confused"

Then I delete smile

Mixxy Mon 26-Aug-13 20:37:47

I remember your first thread. Glad you thought better of calling him back.

Good for you for bouncing back.

He might have contacted you out of jealousy that you are dating again, it could have gone tits up with his new squeeze AND it could be that he wants to know you forgive him for the bad breakup. He feels guilty about how he acted and now he wants you to help him with his guilt. Whatever the reason, just ignore him. If you meet him in RL just say super nicely, " oh yeah, meant to get back to you but got busy".

AdoraBell Mon 26-Aug-13 20:38:22

People who go that are frequently attention seekers. Don't feed the troll. Keep moving forwards and well done for taking to steps you did.

MexicanHat Mon 26-Aug-13 21:04:34

I've just read your original post OP so can see how far you have come - this give me hope. Stay strong. How long have you been dating your new fella?

brokenhearted55 Mon 26-Aug-13 21:52:16

About two months MexicanHat.

It's very early days yet and it doesn't have a name yet. But I'm just enjoying it and seeing what happens.

Nagoo Mon 26-Aug-13 21:59:05

If he was a dick then he probably wants to clear his conscience.

I got an email once from an ex all friendly-like, but when I replied and let him off the hook he didn't bother with me again, so he didn't want to be friends, he wanted to feel better about how he had treated me.

Repeatedlydoingthetwist Mon 26-Aug-13 22:02:55

As others have said ignore! IME he probably wants to know that you're there if he wants you. I had an ex like this, he dumped me, I was still besotted and found it hard to let go, but as soon as I stopped making an effort and moved on he started contacting me again. Loser. You're doing great and I can honestly say that rising above this will make you feel 1000 times better than replying ever would.

Lavenderhoney Mon 26-Aug-13 22:54:09

Ignore him. Delete his text, block his phone, and set up a rule so his emails go straight to junk.

He made you so miserable when you spilt, you've got through it and moved on, and he has the audacity to contact you! Really, the nerve of the man.

If you do bump into him or anyone asks, just say you are very busy plus you have no intention of allowing him back into your life so he can do it all over again, and neither is he friend material, nor would any partner you have want to spend time with him, understandably. ( experience, sadly)

CharityFunDay Mon 26-Aug-13 23:18:47

I got an email once from an ex all friendly-like, but when I replied and let him off the hook he didn't bother with me again, so he didn't want to be friends, he wanted to feel better about how he had treated me.

Me too. Although I was annoyed by the presumption that I'd forgiven him, it had been seven years, so perhaps I got my groat's-worth of guilt out of the conniving unfaithful shit in the end.

brokenhearted55 Tue 27-Aug-13 07:47:39

I've also considered that as he has probably found out I'm dating someone and if he is seeing someone new also, he probably wants to tell me. even though he dumped me and behaved like a shit he is probably spiteful enough to want me to know, tit for tat.

I wouldn't put it past him as even though he dumped me he's pretty childish and spiteful.

Either way I have no interest in whats going on in his life and I'm not replying.

Mixxy Tue 27-Aug-13 08:58:39

You say that well, but I don't believe you yet! grin

He feels bad about the way he treated you, guilty in fact. He's learned you are with somebody else and thinks you have moved on. He wants you to absolve him of all his wrongs to you. Don't let him.

Let him hang.

And go out on an extra date with the new guy.

I'm telling ya...been there. They're like drugs... We want to believe they are jealous, but mostly they want forgiveness. You're not ready to do it - so don't. Don't try to seem all laid back and relaxed. Just ignore. Keep marching forward.

brokenhearted55 Tue 27-Aug-13 09:04:15

I will do Mixxy. I thought about it long and hard last night.

I'm not ready to forgive because I don't forgive him. Nothing good will come of contacting him and replying and I am not going to.

Mixxy Tue 27-Aug-13 09:08:44

Nothing good will come, you're right. Because you still under all this progress want to whooshy, astounding love, amazing connection you had with this guy.

It's gone. And even to fake it back, you would have to give up all your dignity and progress. sad

I don't know if you remember me from your first thread, but please believe me. DO NOT CONTACT HIM. PUT IT OUT OF YOUR MIND.

Treat yourself. And remember: don't revisit the scene of the emotional crime. Or as my Mammy used to say, "I only chew my cabbage once".

flowers

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now