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new boyfriend constantly telling sexist jokes.. should I end it or am I over sensitive??!!

(184 Posts)
misssounsure Mon 26-Aug-13 17:52:59

I've been seeing a lovely man for a few months and he is great in every way except one... he makes some sexist jokes. They are just jokes and initially I laughed as I didn't want to come across as having no sense of humour or being over sensitive! His father is also like it... cracking sexist jokes all the time and jokingly saying his wife cant do x, y, z etc because she is a woman... its constant joking sexism with his family.

The other day my boyfriend started telling me how he and a colleague told a female colleague they could tell she was on her period. He was laughing hysterically as he told me this and told me she got very embarrassed. I've been thinking this over and over and I dont think its acceptable. Q. is would this be enough to end the relationship for you? He is amazing in all other ways but for these stupid jokes and comments

His friends are also like it too!! Last month we went on a weekend away with his friend and his friend's wife. His friend CONSTANTLY leered at the air hostesses saying "phhwwoooor look at that" (this was a 3pm flight with families, kids about... not a night club environment!

My boyfriend is 33 years old by the way. Would you get rid now???? He is great in all other ways!!

tribpot Mon 26-Aug-13 18:44:49

I agree, the sexist jokes, whilst not funny, could be toned down. Leering at cabin crew and humiliating a colleague for sport - wanker. (Okay it wasn't him leering at the cabin crew but wanker by association in that case!)

FWIW, if the female colleague had refused to take the bait and simply talked about the symptoms of menstruation, perhaps with a short essay comparing the benefits of tampons and the Mooncup, both he and his arse bucket of a colleague would have run away gibbering in terror. Pathetic.

BOF Mon 26-Aug-13 18:45:13

If he is looking at her with sexual interest, then it's disrespectful to both of you.

nkf Mon 26-Aug-13 18:46:42

The first thing is to stop laughing at the jokes. In a way, you're miscommunicating. He doesn't realise that you don't like it. Perhaps you're not really right for each other.

Pawprint Mon 26-Aug-13 18:48:20

He sounds dreadful and, on some level, it sounds like he despises women.

Viviennemary Mon 26-Aug-13 18:49:48

I don't mind the odd thing about men not seeing chores that need to be done. But this period thing with a colleague would be a red flag. Very immature and silly. I couldn't put up with that. I would just finish and not give a reason. Just say you're not suited.

They are not 'just jokes'. They represent his actual view of women.
Lucky escape. Bin.

IThinkOfHappyWhenIThinkOfYou Mon 26-Aug-13 18:52:19

I used to be a waitress. I hated the smarmy flirters much more than the openly hostile ones. They made you feel uncomfortable and dirty but not in a way you could complain about and they knew it. It's a nasty way to control people.

cozietoesie Mon 26-Aug-13 18:58:21

Let me come at it from another angle, miss. Right now, you're being 'admitted into the club' because you're 'special and not like the others'. Sadly, that can make some women feel good. They won the competition.

But it doesn't last because he's showing you how he basically views women and he'll give up trying with you, eventually.

How would you feel if he started telling that sort of joke to his mates about you? Because that's how it will end up.

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Mon 26-Aug-13 18:59:36

Get rid now.

Sexist jokes, sexist friends & family, leering at waitresses, bullying colleagues: He's telling you who he is.

How did you react when he told the story about the colleague? Because I'd have been shock and angry and shown it.

ouryve Mon 26-Aug-13 19:00:38

He sounds a right plonker.

ExcuseTypos Mon 26-Aug-13 19:07:02

Hes acting like an immature, leery twat. I don't expect he'll change if he surrounds himself with like minded individuals.

grimbletart Mon 26-Aug-13 19:19:56

OP - he's not a "lovely"man. Lovely men don't continually make sexist jokes. You know what you should do.

MexicanHat Mon 26-Aug-13 19:25:19

I should have seen a huge red flags when I started dating STXEH and he was always making fun/undermining and being downright rude and disrepectful to his Mum - yep he eventually started doing it to me.

He sounds pathetic. Dump.

YoniMitchell Mon 26-Aug-13 19:46:51

He sounds like a cock. Get rid.

Catkinsthecatinthehat Mon 26-Aug-13 19:47:29

So he and his male colleagues called their female work colleague out on her terrible bleeding vagina? If a man did that where I work it would be a sackable offence.

I'd lay money on the fact that if you've slept with him, his friends have been treated to an in-depth run down on the state of your nethers as well. Judge a person by the company they keep and the way they treat people who aren't in a position to answer back.

Run. Like. The. Wind.

LizzieVereker Mon 26-Aug-13 20:18:17

OP, you sound nice, and he sounds like an irredeemable twunt. Please ditch him, put it down to experience and find someone worthy of your respect thanks - I wouldn't think twice about it.

misssounsure Mon 26-Aug-13 20:19:45

Right, time to ditch him me thinks!! Thank you all so much for making me see sense!! :-) xx

SabrinaMulhollandJjones Mon 26-Aug-13 20:29:50

Tell him it's because he's just not strong & manly enough for you wink grin

<revenge for his colleague>

cozietoesie Mon 26-Aug-13 20:32:30

Oh I think you'd already seen it, eh ? Just needed to talk about it.

You were already feeling uncomfortable and questioning it. Cherish that instinct!

smile

PAsSweetOrangeLurve Mon 26-Aug-13 20:35:55

You do realise that if the female colleague had complained to HR they would have been on a formal disciplinary for it?

Would you find it funny if a man came up to you at your work and told you that he could tell you were on your period? If your answer is no, then you need to dump this twat. He sounds vile.

ExcuseTypos Mon 26-Aug-13 21:18:04

Well done missso.flowers

something2say Mon 26-Aug-13 21:44:05

Hello I am late to this as usual!!! But yes I would ditch. I had an excessively right wing boyfriend at one stage and he was the same, making crap comments, being an embarrassment, it drove me mental.

Just one thing tho, do you think you might be able to tell him squarely what you think bout the sexism on your way out of the door? Say for example, would he make racist jokes in mixed company and expect everyone to laugh at the black people, including themselves? I told a man I was leaving him partly because he was sexist. I said I had told him and to,d him I didn't like it, and he carried on, and well, now I was leaving him, I think the more we do this as women the more men will learn that women won't put up with it anymore.

Good luck x better luck next time as well!

AndTheBandPlayedOn Mon 26-Aug-13 21:55:36

Only read the OP. Yes, I would end it. He is very disrespectful. Humiliating others for entertainment...you know if you stay with him you will be his favorite subject to degrade and I would predict that nothing would be kept private.

Portofino Mon 26-Aug-13 22:26:08

Really? surely you know the answer op?

misssounsure Mon 26-Aug-13 22:29:15

no portofino because I've just told you the negatives about him. In all other ways he is amazing... a long long list of fantastic qualities. On the list for negatives this is the only one thing! So I didnt want to just write him off with no consideration on the matter

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