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new boyfriend constantly telling sexist jokes.. should I end it or am I over sensitive??!!

(184 Posts)
misssounsure Mon 26-Aug-13 17:52:59

I've been seeing a lovely man for a few months and he is great in every way except one... he makes some sexist jokes. They are just jokes and initially I laughed as I didn't want to come across as having no sense of humour or being over sensitive! His father is also like it... cracking sexist jokes all the time and jokingly saying his wife cant do x, y, z etc because she is a woman... its constant joking sexism with his family.

The other day my boyfriend started telling me how he and a colleague told a female colleague they could tell she was on her period. He was laughing hysterically as he told me this and told me she got very embarrassed. I've been thinking this over and over and I dont think its acceptable. Q. is would this be enough to end the relationship for you? He is amazing in all other ways but for these stupid jokes and comments

His friends are also like it too!! Last month we went on a weekend away with his friend and his friend's wife. His friend CONSTANTLY leered at the air hostesses saying "phhwwoooor look at that" (this was a 3pm flight with families, kids about... not a night club environment!

My boyfriend is 33 years old by the way. Would you get rid now???? He is great in all other ways!!

buss Mon 26-Aug-13 17:55:07

That's grim.
Tell him - see what his reaction is.

Nagoo Mon 26-Aug-13 17:55:17

I would tell him I thought the behaviour was twattish and unacceptable and see if he could stop. But TBF, if it's entrenched in family and friends I doubt he'd change. I don't want to move in those circles.

If they talk the sexist talk, presumably they live like it too? Does his mum run round after his dad etc?

perplexedpirate Mon 26-Aug-13 17:55:30

Jesus. He sounds absolutely awful. Personally, I couldn't spend a minute in his company, let alone have a relationship with him.
He had zero respect for you, you know that, right?

hiddenhome Mon 26-Aug-13 17:57:01

Laughing at someone because they're on their period is plain nasty. I would ditch him, he sounds like a bloody teenager hmm

MissDD1971 Mon 26-Aug-13 17:58:01

Ugh no. It's ingrained in this cretin and he won't change.

I'd give him the old el-bow.

MissDD1971 Mon 26-Aug-13 17:59:02

And what hidden home says the period stuff is nasty and he's 33 not 13.

LittlePeaPod Mon 26-Aug-13 18:00:37

Mmmm what he did to the girl at work wasn't a joke. It was demeaning harassing. That doesn't sound like a nice person to me. Nothing wrong with jokes but if they make you uncomfortable then that's a different story.

I love a laugh like the next person but personally I couldn't / wouldn't stay in a relationship with a man that behaved like your partner did to the girl at work. It's sad, idiotic, sexist, very childish and shows a serious lack of respect. Can you imagine how you would have felt if you were her?

No one can tell you if you whether you should or shouldn't be with him. I wouldn't be able to carry on in a relationship with this kind of behaviour going on.

BrianButterfield Mon 26-Aug-13 18:02:17

I would hate that. We were at a family do with DH's brother (who we rarely see) and he kept making these "women, eh?" sexist jokes. Everyone else was obviously uncomfortable but he wouldn't take the hint and kept looking around at the other men expecting them to join in. DH made a few sarcastic comments to try and burst his bubble but he is very thick-skinned! I remember thinking how embarrassed his girlfriend must new and hoping he is not like that at home.

TheGirlFromIpanema Mon 26-Aug-13 18:02:25

The entrenched sexism could probably be worked on but the nasty bullying of his colleague would be enough for me to bin him tbh.

TheAwfulDaughter Mon 26-Aug-13 18:03:09

Plenty of women I know can have relationships with these men, and that be their only awful trait and they are good in so many other ways?

But me personally? I would literally die if he kept on making comments like that over Sunday dinner or leering at air hostesses on romantic weekends away. Seems harmless enough, but so juvenile I would literally start to hate him.

I couldn't see myself with someone like that. If you think you can try not to explode or blush with embarrassment as he goes through life making these bizarre comments, then erm...good for you?

FourGates Mon 26-Aug-13 18:05:31

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

LadyMud Mon 26-Aug-13 18:09:22

Someone constantly telling any sort of joke would really irritate me.

captainmummy Mon 26-Aug-13 18:13:00

I have a friend who's husband is like this - because she works 'only' part-time (having 2 dc, the housework, the gardening, the ironing, the shopping etc is obv not enough work to be treated as an equal ) he treats her 'jokingly' like shit. Even the dc (2 boys) make jokes like 'get me a drink, woman' or 'I don't clean things, I have a mum to do that', so she is teaching the dc to be as MCP as the father. Yeah, why have a dog and bark yourself, is one of the 'jokes' haha.

Another 'friend' would never go out with a girl over 25 - he was 45 at the time - because he wanted others to be envious of his 'prowess (i assume)

I don't see any of them now, TG

zippey Mon 26-Aug-13 18:26:03

If you stay with him for anything long term you might be the butt if these jokes. If you can give as good as you get, that's fine. If you wouldn't like it, I'd consider ending it.

badguider Mon 26-Aug-13 18:30:42

I'd be too embarassed to take him out with my friends or family so yes, I guess I would have to end the relationship sad

I suppose maybe you could try giving him one warning, but I doubt it would work. Sorry.

cozietoesie Mon 26-Aug-13 18:30:52

He failed the 'Waitress Test'. I'd end it right away.

misssounsure Mon 26-Aug-13 18:33:01

cozietoesie he wouldn't be rude to a waitress... quite the contrary!! Lots of smiles and looking into her eyes etc

misssounsure Mon 26-Aug-13 18:36:09

cozietoesie he wouldn't be rude to a waitress... quite the contrary!! Overly polite I'd say... a bit sickening. His dad even once gave a very young waitress a compliment about the food etc and she said oh thank you etc and then he pointed to his cheek for her to kiss which she did!!!! I was sooo cringing!!!

cozietoesie Mon 26-Aug-13 18:38:07

(And that in itself is demeaning to a professional server in my view.)

It's a phrase. There's a view that people's basic attitudes to others doesn't really change so that while you might be getting the benefit of the honeymoon/on a pedestal phase, you're seeing how he basically reacts to - in this case - women. I happen to agree with that view - and I suspect you might also if you stay with him for more than a few months and he stops trying with you.

Silverfoxballs Mon 26-Aug-13 18:40:08

Yuck, he sounds immature.

misssounsure Mon 26-Aug-13 18:42:08

cozietoesie when you said "and that is in itself demeaning to a professional server".. did you mean him being overly polite? Smiling, staring into eyes etc? TBH it makes me feel uncomfortable but I thought I was being oversensitive! I'm not going to start saying "oh my god, you were staring at that waitress.... "

GrendelsMum Mon 26-Aug-13 18:42:48

If you're not careful, one day you'll have a daughter with a dad who's taught her that women are for leering at, bullying, and generally treating badly.

Tell him why you're dumping him and then get rid.

TheAwfulDaughter Mon 26-Aug-13 18:43:30

He is going to turn into his dad, you realise that?

cozietoesie Mon 26-Aug-13 18:44:17

Just think about it miss. Would he react in the same way to a male waiter? And if not, why not?

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