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He is looking at children online

151 replies

StillWaitingForMotherhood · 25/08/2013 11:23

I would really appreciate the perspective of the parents on this board, especially those who have daughters. I am 32, have been married a year and don't yet have children.

Since we got married, sex has just slowly disappeared and we now haven't had sex in over 5 months. Before we got married sex was frequent although he has never been able to climax with me ever - we were getting help with this but after we got married he lost interest, and the therapist ended up asking us to leave it and come back when we were prepared to commit what we need to in order to resolve the issue.

In desperation and frustration (he bluntly refuses to discuss the problem) I did something last week that I'm not proud of and hacked into his email and social media accounts. What I have found is that he is registered on a photo-sharing social media site used almost exclusively by teens, and he is following, commenting on and interacting with scores of very young girls, around the 13-14 age, although a couple that he seems particularly interested in look much younger and are very much pre-pubescent, I suspect around 10-11. He has hundreds of their pictures saved to his account, with three or four very young girls that he is obviously especially interested in.

Pubescent girls with newly-discovered curves being as they are and social media being the scary thing it is these days, a great deal of these pictures are quite sexual in nature, and he is interacting with these girls by posting inappropriate comments on the pictures and in many cases striking up conversations. I have worked out from what he has posted on his own profile that he is also registered on a 'chat' platform that is used through a mobile phone app, and I think he is using this to chat to young girls - I can't look at his phone as he keeps it with him at all times.

He is using a profile picture where his face is quite obscured and in which he could be quite young. He is in fact 45 next month.

I discovered various other worrying things on other sites like Facebook but this post is long enough already.

To be honest I feel sick and confused. I don't know what to make of this. He hasn't done anything illegal like downloaded child porn (although he has lots of adult porn on his computer), and obviously none of it is real as it is all online so pretty much fantasy. I am also acutely aware that by hacking his accounts I have massively betrayed his trust. But it just seems terribly terribly wrong.

Apart from the sex issue our relationship has up to this point been very happy, although he has always been a very closed and guarded person who doesn't talk about much. Now I feel as though I don't know this man I am living with. I don't know if I can ever look at him the same way again.

The reason I am posting here is because I daren't speak to my family or friends about this, and I really need to hear from the parents out there, especially those with daughters.

Being a mum is the most important thing in the world to me and we are planning to have children (how we would do that without having sex is obviously another matter completely). Would you have children with a man who looks at sexualised pictures of other people's children on the internet? Would you even stay with this man?

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this very long post.

From a lonely and confused young wife.

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puds11isNAUGHTYnotNAICE · 25/08/2013 11:25

Report him to the police. This sounds like grooming behaviour.