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I want to die

(56 Posts)
maniclady Fri 23-Aug-13 13:07:07

I have nc for this. I want to kill myself all I think about is how many pills I have. The reason I want to kill myself is because I have type 1 bipolar and on my last episode started a affair with my best friend. The problem is not only did I fall in love but discovered he has loved me since I was 13.

This affair is continuing and I still love my DH but the thought of choosing between my best friend who I love very much and my DH is making me want to kill myself so I don't have to. I also hate myself for lying to my dh and have stopped my meds as I don't deserve to feel well which means I'm depressed and the voices are back telling me to kill myself.

I hate what I am doing so much, I hate lying to dh and I just want to die

maniclady Mon 26-Aug-13 19:53:49

Thanks marimeifod

LadyMud Wed 28-Aug-13 20:02:24

Oh gosh, maniclady - that's complicated! Is your friend receiving appropriate help for his grief and his depression?

maniclady Wed 28-Aug-13 20:07:45

He was receiving help but is not anymore the only help he currently has access to is cruise (sp) and Samaritans.He is in a very bad place at the moment.

LadyMud Thu 29-Aug-13 11:03:09

Perhaps you could persuade him to go to his GP? And maybe go with him for support?

And then I think you should give yourself a break from him, at least until after your holiday. Think of it as a "virtual hospital stay", if you like. You really really need to focus on yourself at the moment, my love.

And maybe having an affair with a married woman isn't actually doing him any good.

In the past, I have been drawn into helping desperate people, and lost sight of my own personal boundaries. I think that's what's happening with you at the moment, maniclady. We are not indispensible - except to our children.

JuliaScurr Thu 29-Aug-13 12:55:09

keep going, Maniclady
one step at a time
you'll make it
well done for going to dr smile

maniclady Thu 29-Aug-13 14:14:40

I can't leave my friend he has been there for all my episodes now he needs me. I will get him to go to the gp the problem is he doesn't want medication.

Thank you JuliaScurr.

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