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(30 Posts)
notnotnee Fri 23-Aug-13 11:34:23

Ok. so that's a bit of an exageration.

Where to start. My stepdaughter is 26 yrs old and has a very poor education, therefore can only do menial jobs. She cleans and waitresses. She starts a job, loves it then leaves. She is always pleading poverty and dropping hints about how poor she is. Her Dad in the past has bailed her out far too much and so have her Grandparents which has made it all too easy.

On top of this, she smokes dope daily and seems to me to be a bit of an emotional wreck. Cries very easily and always seems to be in a bad place.

Her manners are apalling and she seems to think the world owes her a living. Its all about Me, Me, Me. What can I get out of my Dad, he owes me, kind of attitude.

I am trying really hard to bite my tongue but am finding it increasingly difficult to like her, let alone, love her. What dosnt help, is my husband says nothing. Dosnt want to upset her as he rarely sees her.

It is driving me mad. I cannot say anything without it causing a row. Should I just put up and shut up or should I continue to try to make him see what a mess she is and man up and say something to her, in the hope she may see sense???

PatriciaHolm Fri 23-Aug-13 14:14:37

How is your relationship with your DH? You don't sound as if you respect him very much either, tbh, for good reason.

Jan45 Fri 23-Aug-13 15:14:57

Right so you know he's basically a crap parent, you're happy to stay with him so if I was you I'd leave it alone cos you will never win or be right.

stepmooster Fri 23-Aug-13 16:25:07

She's a drug addict, as she says she can't function without it. Until she kicks the weed she will never change. That's something she's got to want and can't be forced.

Every time someone helps her financially they are enabling her addiction.

My mother was an alcoholic and prescription drug abuser for many years.

I think DH wants to save his daughter, as I wanted to save my mother. He's on a hiding to nothing but he's got to figure that out for himself.

Sometimes addicts need to see what they've lost in order to turn things around.

I wouldn't get involved in this at all. This is your dp & his ex partner's job, this girls sounds like she has many issues. She does sound in need of growing up, being in her late 20's but it's up to her parents to help her with that. There could be many reasons behind her behaviour and drug taking. She needs help not you putting your foot in, it will only make things 10 times worse.

MrsWilberforce Fri 23-Aug-13 17:27:24

Glad to see you say the thread title is an exaggeration - she certainly doesn't sound anything like 'hell' - sad and frustrating certainly but not 'hell'. She is working, even if she has no ambition for more fulfilling roles and although the dope smoking isn't great you don't say that she's gone on to harder drugs which is the usual objection raised against dope.

It's interesting that you feel you should have to like or even love her - she is not your child and you've had no input to her upbringing so why would you? I think in her place I would resent it and she probably feels inadequate in comparison with your dc.

She sounds as if she's stuck in a teenage mindset of entitlement and resentment. Hopefully as she gets nearer to 30 she will grow up and realise she can stand alone and make a better life for herself.

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