Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Does this sound suspicious to you??

(29 Posts)
herewegoagain101 Fri 23-Aug-13 10:42:57

Or am i over thinking and reading into things too much?

Last night my DP was working a night shift, was due to be home around 7am. He text me about 9:30am saying he came in, saw i was still asleep, so drove 4 miles away to his mothers house to go to bed hmm
Why wouldn't he just get into bed? (we live together btw)

The only other red flag in our relationship was a couple of months ago. I discovered he had been recording me while he was at work. He had a sleep talking app on his iPhone which he used to do so. when i found out i obviously went mental. His excuse was that he didn't believe someone like me (what exactly?) would love him and he wanted to hear me say it to someone in a normal conversation confused

I know this sounds very childish, I promise we are not teenagers!

GrandstandingBlueTit Fri 23-Aug-13 10:49:12

Overall it jut sounds generally weird to me (sorry), but not necessarily suspicious.

Do you live together? How long have you been together?

What do you get out of this relationship now?.

He recorded you while he was at work?. He sounds both devious and emotionally immature at the very least and I am being charitable here.

I have to ask you though why you remained together after that behaviour of his?. Was that not a deal breaker?.

From the little you have written I do not think that you should be together at all.

herewegoagain101 Fri 23-Aug-13 10:53:20

Yes we live together. Been together almost a year. I'm not sure if i'm still up in arms over the whole recording thing or if it something to genuinely worry about

herewegoagain101 Fri 23-Aug-13 10:56:48

I forgave him because this is his first serious relationship i.e. living with someone. I keep trying to remind myself of this and the fact he is adjusting to life with me and my DS.

sorry to drip feed but on a whole he is a good man. Works hard, treats me well (apart from the recording) and we are happy. I just found this mornings circumstance out of character and weird. So not sure if i should bring it up or stop being silly.

RaRaZ Fri 23-Aug-13 11:01:20

I think that's really weird hmm. I wouldn't really know what to think...dunno if I'd suspect him of cheating or anything, but I definitely wouldn't be comfortable with that kind of behaviour and it would set alarm bells ringing.

mammadiggingdeep Fri 23-Aug-13 11:03:02

I may be old fashioned but I think a year is quite quick to be living with somebody, especially when a child's involved. Do you truly know him??? Its very odd behaviour to record somebody....I'd b worried. Sorry if I seem negative- I'm just being honest

GrandstandingBlueTit Fri 23-Aug-13 11:12:34

You have a chid?

Get out now.

herewegoagain101 Fri 23-Aug-13 11:17:09

so i'm not being silly? Sorry, i struggle to trust my own judgement due to being gaslighted in the past.

do I bring it up with him?

Gruntfuttock Fri 23-Aug-13 11:33:17

His behaviour is extremely bizarre. Why on earth would anyone come home from work to get into bed, come into the bedroom where you were asleep and then go to his mother's to sleep there? It doesn't make any sense at all. As for the recording, that sounds even more insane (which is saying something!)

No, OP, you are not being silly and yes, you do bring it up with him.

The alarm bells are deafening.

Jan45 Fri 23-Aug-13 11:48:28

Both scenarios just sound plain weird - and you've only been with him a year, I'd seriously be very careful.

DukeSilver Fri 23-Aug-13 11:56:05

It is all really odd but I can't really work out why he would do these things confused What does he normally do after a night shift? Does he normally get into bed with you?

The recording thing is really fucking weird...I'm afraid that for me it would have been it over when I found out, especially with a child involved. (Not judging you or saying that you should of left then btw, it is very easy to make these statements from the outside looking in but much harder when you are in the relationship)

TiffanyAtBreakfast Fri 23-Aug-13 12:08:08

Putting myself in your shoes, if going to his mum's to sleep was out of his ordinary routine, I would instantly assume he had slept at another woman's house. But then I am overly paranoid cautious.

Please mention it to him. The worst thing that can happen is you are wrong, and he can reassure you. After all, you've forgiven him for way worse (the extremely weird recording thing...)

BaldricksTurnip Fri 23-Aug-13 12:12:39

He RECORDED you. Ummm?? What?

mcmooncup Fri 23-Aug-13 12:25:00

The whole thing about him thinking he is not good enough for you is a massive red flag. He's got inadequacy issues.

Not a great thing to deal with. Ever. Leads to all sorts of shitty behaviour e.g. recording you when he is out. What do you have to do next to make him feel ok about himself?

IDontBowlOnShabbos Fri 23-Aug-13 12:25:56

He sounds really, really insecure. I don't think he stayed at another woman's house but I think he wants you to to think that, or at least worry about it.

The recording thing is just weird and people like this usually get worse not better. Sorry op

herewegoagain101 Fri 23-Aug-13 12:29:29

thankfully my son is with his dad today. so i will talk to him when he finally returns. after talking about it i feel even more uncomfortable than i did this morning. i've been a mug again haven't i? sad

Whose property do you live in and are you named at all on either the tenancy or the mortgage (if the property is mortgaged).

What do you know about this person in terms of his background, his parents, his relationship history?.

You've been gaslighted before and I think you are now dealing with a similar type of person. The covert recording of you itself is a dealbreaker in its own right or should have been. In this instance it was not, why was that?.

How long was it between meeting and moving in together if you have only been together a year?. Whose idea was it also to live together as well?.

TalkativeJim Fri 23-Aug-13 12:36:50

I would have dumped him quicker than quick after the recording thing, sorry.

You have a child - GET OUT.

OctopusPete8 Fri 23-Aug-13 12:38:39

He sounds wierd, anything else strange he does?

herewegoagain101 Fri 23-Aug-13 12:39:53

i live in a rented property. everything is in my name.
i know quite a lot about him. very close to members of his family (that's how we met). as far as i know there is nothing out of the ordinary with his past relationships.

i thought the recording was a deal breaker. but after discussing it with close friends and family i chose to forgive him. like i said before this is his first serious relationship. and i know he can be insecure. so i gave him the benefit of the doubt.

i just spoke to him on the phone. said he is on his way home. i told him this mornings scenario was very weird but he doesn't think so. he said he didn't want to wake me and wouldn't be comfortable on the sofa.

Doubtfuldaphne Fri 23-Aug-13 12:46:28

Can you talk to his mum?

Fairenuff Fri 23-Aug-13 12:47:25

It sounds like he is spying on you - recording your conversations and coming home to check you are in bed, alone, then going again.

Serious red flags.

Ahhhcrap Fri 23-Aug-13 12:47:33

Run for the hills shock

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now