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pregnant and paranoid or right to worry????

(56 Posts)
namechanger1979 Thu 22-Aug-13 20:30:25

I'm currently pregnant with dc4... Dh is acting oddly and im not sure if im being paranoid and what to do next.
Weve been together for 10 yrs and outwardly have a great relationship. Things were fine until abput 4wks ago. I put it down to me being very tired. He tells me almost saily that im nagging. I guess i do a bit but ive bwen very tired and need more help with children and housework. Along side this hes lost a stone and starting using moisturiser (trivial i know).

Today we had a big argument. The children are all staying away tonight. Dh rang me and asked if i was going away to visit my family tonight saying he "wouldnt mind if i did". (background family membrr unwell dying) i said no... Tjat i wanted to take children with me to visit at weekend". He kept insisting that i go tonight. I lost it and asked "why are u so keen for me to go out when we rarely get an evening together." He accused me of being hormonal and hung up.

Cut to tonight. He got in. Asked me what my plans were ( takeaway and early night) and then announced that he wasnt tired and was off out with ppl from work ( he doesnt normally socialiae with work mates).

Am sat now wondering wtf has happened to my marriage. Am wondering if i am a bit hormonal of if i should trust my bullshit detector. Any ideas???

GetStuffezd Thu 22-Aug-13 20:47:11

Never ignore your spidey senses.

ReginaPhilangie Thu 22-Aug-13 20:48:50

I'd trust your bullshit detector, sounds suspicious to me.

namechanger1979 Thu 22-Aug-13 20:52:15

Thats what i thought. Im not normally suspicious. The only time ive felt like this was with a boyfriend aged 17 i asked him outright if he was cheating and then dumped him.

Bit different with 3/4 children and a mortgage! sad

mrspaddy Thu 22-Aug-13 20:53:06

I wouldn't tackle him on it tonight.. but keep the radar going. It does sound funny.. but maybe his new confidence is giving him more energy/wants to get out more. I would be wary though.

I would sit tight and see if anything else happens to give you cause for concern. It does sound suspicious though.

lunar1 Thu 22-Aug-13 21:05:38

I would sit tight too, if you say anything he will put his guard up

namechanger1979 Thu 22-Aug-13 21:09:50

What should i do now though? Should i be checking his phone or his pockets???? I didnt ever rhink id need to do this! I.dont know his work mates at all so cant dig for info there.

I dont feel there is anyone who i can talk to irl. I honestly dont think my friends would believe me as hes such a " good guy".

DfanjoUnchained Thu 22-Aug-13 21:29:33

Check his phone tonight when he's sleeping

namechanger1979 Thu 22-Aug-13 21:46:34

Will try and check his phone tonight.
The thought that he might be cheating on me id making me feel a bit sick. Worried about the children. Even if he isnt having a full blown affair im sad he's gone out. We have an evening together without children about once a year... And hes gone out with his friends sad.
Going to try and watch some netflix- take my mind of it. Not expecting him home till late

kookieangeluk Thu 22-Aug-13 21:56:37

I'm so sorry you feel like this - such a rubbish situation, especially with #4 on the way. It does sound iffy unfortunately, so if he's not up to anything, he's not behaving brilliantly anyway! Is there any chance you could catch him out??

mammadiggingdeep Thu 22-Aug-13 22:00:51

Really doesnt sound good. Always, always follow your instincts.
Poor you. Look after yourself and try not to get too stressed out with it....

Check the phone and try to find receipts etc. It could be nothing and it'll put your mind at rest. Good luck

ofmiceandmen Fri 23-Aug-13 07:29:58

Reading this thread and thinking ... 'really!!'

Think some of the MNetters are going soft... what ever happened to direct practical advise before the fact. I'm no expert but nc1979 why didn't you just say 'hun I really need you to be with me tonight' . state that you hardly spend time together and you needed that fulfilled.
Or better still once he had gone out. Call him and say 'come home'.

He can have another night with the mates. Bloody Nora! he can say no, and can insist on going out and you can't stop that, but really if you don't let him know your needs he will assume you have none and all that builds up is resentment and mistrust.

Perhaps no one wants to sound needy or the pride factor is at play here with the comments you received, but surely egg shell walking in this situation is for chumps.

If a pregnant partner of mine ever said 'I need you' I'd be back home in a shot!
Stop trying to be clever about it, express your need. Guess what!.. any future OW certainly would.

namechanger1979 Fri 23-Aug-13 07:42:25

Oh i did say " id prefer it if uou stayed in instead" he said "oh, but youll just be going to sleep" end of conversation. And out he went. I tried to ring him whilst he was out (mainly as i needed to let him know that i couldnt get the dog in) but no answer.

Fwiw the "need" thing is interesting. I dont feel i "need" anyone. Im very independent (including financially) and he has sometimes resented this.

I went to sleep at midnight. He went to a pub with lads from work and must have left his phone in the car as i couldnt find it (not unusual for him). Pleasant enough this morning but no affection either.

lunar1 Fri 23-Aug-13 17:00:19

I hope you Are ok op. it's horrible suspecting someone you love is doing giving you reasons to be suspicious.

ofmiceandmen Fri 23-Aug-13 18:14:08

Hi op- sorry to have posted and left (morning rush). We all have needs and sometimes even the need to be needed.

"Dear this is DC4 - I need you to take more responsibility around the house" is not being 'needy' at all.

Being independent does not absolve you from need. It's not a dirty word, we all have expectations and unless we voice them some people will just trample over them. My mother was/is a feminist, so believe you me i know how hard it is for some people to accept that they have a need.

You don't need him because he is a man, but because he has committed to be your partner and have children with you, so he needs to step up.
and iF that means ditching mates for pregnant-wife-hand holding so be it.

Basically you need him to ensure he fulfils the things he needs to do. (can I squeeze 'needs' any more times in a post in haha).

Every couple should have a needs cheque/IOU book, they can pull out and use at such moments. moments when their needs out weigh anything else. the time their feelings trump anything and everything else. Start one with DH.
I'm sad - today I need a cuddle- pop- out comes needs cheque book.
Ramble over

Ahhhcrap Fri 23-Aug-13 18:21:22

Hope you're ok OP..

Trust your instincts.. As others have said, wanting company is not being needy

Vivacia Fri 23-Aug-13 18:34:09

My mother was/is a feminist, so believe you me i know how hard it is for some people to accept that they have a need.

What on earth does that mean ofmiceandmen ? It's one of the funniest things I've seen on MN smile

namechanger1979 Sat 12-Apr-14 10:23:22

Bouncing this aa i found out today he was/is having as affair.
He admitted it this morning. It is with ds3's keyworker at preschool. She alsp has a child in ds2's class.
In bits and dont know what to do/who to tell. Wtaf should i tell the children???? Aged 10- 3 months.
I know there are ppl who have been tjrough this. What should i do????

namechanger1979 Sat 12-Apr-14 10:25:24

If you have been in this situation should i tell children what is happenig or is it best to say nothing until i work out what to do?

Offred Sat 12-Apr-14 10:31:49

What has happened? Has he left?

Offred Sat 12-Apr-14 10:34:31

I think you need to inform the preschool tbh. I wouldn't want her caring for my child anymore, it's deeply inappropriate.

namechanger1979 Sat 12-Apr-14 10:39:01

He is refusing to leave house. Says that he is a "good dad" ans shouldnt have to leVe. I am a snotty teary mess. Boys want to know whats up. He is carrying on as normal... STill intends taking two oldest out on a trip this afternnon that was planned a while ago.

Sorry to hear this. I assume this as been going on since you first became suspicious. What a bastard he has been. Not sure about what to say to children but sure people will come along with ood advice. What made him admit it?

Have you anywhere you and children could go?

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