Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

How to tell child

7 replies

00ricecakes00 · 22/08/2013 07:32

Name changed. Have previously posted about recent discovery of Husband affair with very close friend of mine. He has left and is happy in his love bubble alternate reality built for himself. When he left we told daughter mum and dad have to live apart now, but still both love you.
As he is determined to continue this new relationship, we now have to tell daughter a lot more, as she will in class with OW's child come September. It is a small community and people know what has been going on, and 2 families separating because of it.
He wanted to go with, m and d already decided not to live together and now I am going to be seeing OW, who she knows very well.
I think think will leave daughter mistrusting us as it is not what she will hear from school, and I do not know what other child is being told.
Have discussed with H the words to tell her more the truth, daddy in love with other person, not what u should do when your married, and he is therefore leaving me to have this relationship.
Nightmare situation, as last thing daughter needs as is still coming to terms with separation news 3 weeks ago, but feel to send her into school without facts could be more damaging.
Advice, magic wands?

OP posts:

Report

Silverfoxballs · 22/08/2013 07:57

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Cabrinha · 22/08/2013 08:01

Age of child?
I've just told my 4.5 yo that we're divorced and living in two houses (we're not divorced yet, but I thought it was too complicated to talk about nisi /absolute!).
She was totally OK with it, and the same day told me that we should both find our "one true love"

Report

00ricecakes00 · 22/08/2013 08:16

9 years old

OP posts:

Report

00ricecakes00 · 23/08/2013 11:09

Deed done, so heart aching to see your child receiving such damaging news, her worry that OW's child was going through same and upset. She cried, and cried, and got angry. So glad I had been to see counsellor to talk through strategies with her, they helped.
How often to these men's bubbles burst and they face the reality of what they have done, the damage and hurt caused, and if so, is it a 6 months of damage still to come, a year, 5 years?

OP posts:

Report

ITCouldBeWorse · 23/08/2013 12:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Fairenuff · 23/08/2013 13:05

Make sure the school are aware of the situation. They will be professional and supportive.

I would tell a 9 year old the truth, in simple, age appropriate terms and, most importantly, make sure that she knows she can ask me anything.

Try not to blame. It's ok to let her know that you are angry, upset, or whatever you feel and to reassure her that whatever she feels is ok too.

Keep talking.

Report

00ricecakes00 · 23/08/2013 23:28

School administrator told, and am going in to see headmaster inset day before they start. So hard as H won't relay if son will even be still in same school, or what he will be told prior to school.
I have been saintly in my reassurance to her that this doesn't affect how dad feels about her, we both still love her the same, and we will get through this change, and we will all be ok it is just difficult to go through changes. He doesn't deserve this from me, but DD does. So hard.