AIBU to be really pissed off that she's let my cat out again!!

[RogueRebel]

I rescued my cat from Cats protection league a few months ago and have kept him in, on advice from the vets.
I phoned after 2 weeks of getting him to find out about getting flea and worm treatments before I let him out and as he was due his booster this month they advised to keep him in and have his check up, jabs and then flea and worm treatment before letting him out.

I have two children 4 & 2 who seem to understand the cats not allowed out.

But my Best Friend has just let my cat out for the 3rd time since I've had him. It wouldn't be quite so bad but I warn her every time she stands on the door step chatting as she's about to leave. I then rushed bare foot round the back garden to cut him off and grab him and she was stood round the front, he walked away from me right passed her and got away (I could of grabbed his tail as he crawled through a hole in the fence and under the bush, but that would hurt him)
Her Excuse!!! she was on her mobile!!! That Pissed me off even more because she's always on it, while eating, watching a film, in the car, while having her hair done! it needs to be surgically removed from her hands!

I've explained I don't want him let out yet, I have a reason from vet, Its raining, dark and another cat has chased him off down the neighbours garden! I have to have two kids up and out of the house at 7am, I'm at work till 5pm and wont be back home until 6:30/7pm so will be out of my mind all night and day stressing because I haven't got a cat flap yet because I'm still mulling over if I should get a tag or microchip one. I didn't get more than 2 hours sleep last night because the very same friends phoned me at 12am for hours crying and to ask if she can move in with me because she doesn't want to live with her Ahole of a brother and she cant afford to live alone. I've said yes and spent the whole day with her being a good friend and trying to measure my bed and the box room to see if it will fit in the tiny room so she can have a decent sized room.

Am I being a bit cat Lady crazy? Feel better after a rant

[cozietoesie]

I think you need to post on AIBU or Relationships, RogueRebel because this 'cat tale' has legs like a centipede. (I'd be showing her the door at least - and more likely the end of the street.)

[Sparklingbrook]

I think the cat stuff is the tip of a very large iceberg Rogue.

[lljkk]

?? Had him months and still not ready to let him out... when will he go out?

[MumnGran]

No, YANBU, she should be a lot more aware when she has been told 3 times.

But ......have you found the poor cat, yet?!?!?

I do think it is a bad idea for her to move in when she obviously drives you nuts

[RogueRebel]

I think its all just got to me today, I've have had a bad week grandad rushed to hospital in ambulance (we now know its nothing too serious), my oldest was bitten in nursery and the doctor was talking about blood tests and injections, lack of sleep and the fact that this isn't the first time she's let him out after being warned not too and that she has no remorse.

He went to the vets yesterday but the vet couldn't get him to take the wormer tablet(it was huge) so she said to give it a couple of days for the flea spot on to work and then apply the spot on liquid wormer and he could then go out no problems. So I would of let him out by the end of this week. I was also told to keep him in just incase he had a bad reaction to the jabs (highly unlikely). As I said I would of been happy to let him out after 2weeks but only with the flea and worming treatments - it was the vet that advised against it.

I want him to go out but I would of been a lot happier if his first time was during the day and on a day I don't work so I could keep the door open for him when he returns.
But surely that's not the point, he could of been a house cat, the point is she clearly couldn't give a rats ass about my pet or my wishes.

[hettienne]

Why would you give her your room? I don't understand.

[RogueRebel]

Mumngran still no sign after the other cat chased him off with hisses and growls, I'm considering leaving the downstairs window open for him over night.

I'd love to help her out and we normally get on really well (we've been friends well over 20 years now and never fight) its probably me being a crazy cat lady! but he's nearly an OAP now, doesn't like jumping and he's very timid. He wont come out if anyone else is in the house apart from me, my two daughters (who he now loves), and said friend.

I didn't pick him personally I just wanted a cat - any age, colour, sex as long as he would be suitable around the small children. Cats protection were overjoyed they said they normally get a check list off of people full of details mostly for younger cats and kittens. He fitted in really well during his 2 months house arrest and has his own routine of sleeping under my bed during the mid morning, then has cuddles and play time afternoon/evening and he always comes to bed with me when I go and although I usually notice him jump off after a while he's always there when I wake up. He's very vocal and likes to chat to me and will only drink from a running tap!

[JumpingJackSprat]

I wouldnt let her move in. she has no respect for your rules regarding your cat so what else will she disregard? Think this can only end badly.

[RogueRebel]

I can't put her in a tiny box room I'd feel guilty, I can put my wardrobes drawers in the children's room without a fuss but there is no way she'd get a double bed and a wardrobe in the box room so where would she put her things?

I hadn't been using the box room because it was originally the cats quiet room away from the kids when we first got him he actually only used it for a week and then moved in to my room.

Yes I can actually hear myself as a crazy cat lady now lol

[lljkk]

I am not sure I've ever heard of anyone being more precious about their cat.

You realise cat will chuck you in a heartbeat for neighbour with nicer flavour kitty nibbles? I lurvs my cats, but no under no illusions about them.

Re friend: do you normally have trouble setting boundaries?

[hettienne]

Sorry but it's ridiculous to move out of your room so a friend can stay - don't be a martyr. Put a single bed in the box room for her.

lljkk - I don't think not wanting your elderly housecat locked out all night and day is particularly precious tbh.

[DameDeepRedBetty]

You're not a crazy cat lady, but you are a bit crazy to be allowing your friend to take your life over like this. If she's already being so self absorbed as to prioritise her phone over the real life human being in front of you, what on earth's she going to be like 24/7 in your home?

[saintlyjimjams]

Why on earth would you give up your room for her? That is beyond bonkers.

[DameDeepRedBetty]

sorry in front of her not you.

Need more tea...

[RogueRebel]

My boy came back around 1am, soaked through and was crying poor thing, he might drop me as soon as he finds a nice lady who will feed him as much as he likes while I enforce a strict feeding regime. but I got a cat so I can look after and care for it. It's because of people who don't care and think "oh its just a cat" that there are so many in shelters.
What's the point of having a pet otherwise? although I am aware there is a difference between being caring and precious. I've realised I'm ok with being precious about a cat, he's old and might not have long left, probably why noone else wanted him.

I think I am a bit of a people pleaser, I don't like confrontations and find it even harder to say no to or walk away from someone who's crying.
She's currently got a whole house of possession so I was more worried about where she would put them than anything else, I don't really want it stashed in my room or round the house.
I'm going to look at all my bills and set out a rent she's got to stick to as otherwise I doubt ill be able to bring up the money issue once she's in. She's already saying she's skint.
I'm living on a shoe string at the moment as a single mum working pt with no involvement from Ex. So the bills are going to go up dramatically.

Also she's already expressed a wish to have a male friend over(hes not a bf officially). I don't really want any strange men introduced to my young children how would I approach this without making her feel like a child. I have managed to say he can come over but I would watch a DVD with children upstairs and they would have to stay downstairs. (I felt like a prude and like I was treating her like a child)

[cozietoesie]

If you had posted this in Relationships I would advise you absolutely not to let her move in. She's playing you for a complete mug.

[JumpingJackSprat]

It might be worth you reposting in relationships - you might get some good advice on setting boundarys. I really, really really wouldn't let her move it. Once shes got her feet under the tables she will probably make your life a misery. Its your house - why should you hide upstairs with your children so she can have someone over? when will you get to relax?

[RogueRebel]

How do I get this Fred moved?

Ive been thinking about this all day. and was actually considering telling her no. Mostly because I don't want to unsettle my kids or expose them to her promiscuous behavior.(I usually don't really care or get involved other than to tell her to be careful, but I don't want to expose my children to it)

I've just had another phone call of her Crying, The brother has had a house party with 4 in attendance while friend was out. landlord phoned her to ask why the police have been called and where she was? She's saying she's been evicted via Facebook.

I honesty don't know what to do.
if I say no now I'm a total bitch!

[cozietoesie]

Oh boy - you are not!

(To ask for the thread to be moved, press report on the link on your opening post and in the text box, ask MNHQ to move it - to Relationships would probably be best - because you realize you posted on the wrong board. They'll usually oblige on that.)

[JumpingJackSprat]

Youre not a bitch you need to put yourself and your children first...do you really want such an unsettling influence around your children? Will they feel comfortable having areas of their home as no go areas because of your friend and her boyfriend?

[HansieMom]

This isn't going to work, you know. What if she won't pay anything, eats your food, brings boyfriends in, isn't responsible about your cat, has lots of belongings. You and your family are of utmost importance to you, and that's enough on your hands. She will bring stress, chaos, and trouble with her.

[Fluffycloudland77]

She's an adult, she has to act like one!.

Don't let her move in, you will regret it.

My favourite saying at times like these is "I'd rather be a bitch than a doormat".

[WandaDoff]

Please don't let her move in.

[DameDeepRedBetty]

Rogue you really mustn't let her move in, you do sound like a people pleaser as you've already recognised, so armed with that self-knowledge put yourself and your family first.

cozie has it bang on in thread moving - I've done it in the past, they're pretty efficient.

[RebeccaMumsnet]

Hi all,

We've moved this over to Relationships now.