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AIBU to be really pissed off that she's let my cat out again!!

(171 Posts)
RogueRebel Wed 21-Aug-13 21:47:39

I rescued my cat from Cats protection league a few months ago and have kept him in, on advice from the vets.
I phoned after 2 weeks of getting him to find out about getting flea and worm treatments before I let him out and as he was due his booster this month they advised to keep him in and have his check up, jabs and then flea and worm treatment before letting him out.

I have two children 4 & 2 who seem to understand the cats not allowed out.

But my Best Friend has just let my cat out for the 3rd time since I've had him. It wouldn't be quite so bad but I warn her every time she stands on the door step chatting as she's about to leave. I then rushed bare foot round the back garden to cut him off and grab him and she was stood round the front, he walked away from me right passed her and got away (I could of grabbed his tail as he crawled through a hole in the fence and under the bush, but that would hurt him)
Her Excuse!!! she was on her mobile!!! That Pissed me off even more because she's always on it, while eating, watching a film, in the car, while having her hair done! it needs to be surgically removed from her hands!

I've explained I don't want him let out yet, I have a reason from vet, Its raining, dark and another cat has chased him off down the neighbours garden! I have to have two kids up and out of the house at 7am, I'm at work till 5pm and wont be back home until 6:30/7pm so will be out of my mind all night and day stressing because I haven't got a cat flap yet because I'm still mulling over if I should get a tag or microchip one. I didn't get more than 2 hours sleep last night because the very same friends phoned me at 12am for hours crying and to ask if she can move in with me because she doesn't want to live with her Ahole of a brother and she cant afford to live alone. I've said yes and spent the whole day with her being a good friend and trying to measure my bed and the box room to see if it will fit in the tiny room so she can have a decent sized room.

Am I being a bit cat Lady crazy? Feel better after a rant

RebeccaMumsnet (MNHQ) Fri 23-Aug-13 14:19:00

Hi all,

We've moved this over to Relationships now.

somewheresomehow Fri 23-Aug-13 14:31:57

for you, your kids and the cats sake please dont let this friend move in she will take you for a ride and probably dump on you at a later date.
your stressed enough with her visiting, think how bad it could be if she did move in

Do NOT let this woman move in.

It's got disaster written all over it and you will regret it.

Gruntfuttock Fri 23-Aug-13 14:46:25

I'm sorry, because I know she's your best friend, but she sounds absolutely horrendous. If you want to make your life a living hell, letting her move in with you would be an excellent way to do it.

Squitten Fri 23-Aug-13 15:13:42

Good grief - DON'T let her move in!

And honestly, giving her YOUR bedroom to stay in? Are you mad?! She's already telling you she HAS NO MONEY - where do you expect your rent to materialise from?

Stop being a mug!

MildDrPepperAddiction Fri 23-Aug-13 15:19:36

Your cat, your responsibility. Put it in the sitting room and close the door so he can't bolt when she is leaving.

And it's could have, not could of.

saggyhairyarse Fri 23-Aug-13 15:33:56

I would be pissed off about the cat. She sounds like her head is up her arse.

As for her moving in, she is talking about having BFs over and she hasn't got her foot in the door yet. It would be one thing if you have a mahoosive house but it doesn't sound like you do...

My Dad has moved in with me and taken over my bedroom and I am sleeping in with my youngest however my Dad has taken over the childcare and helped me out of a well sticky patch so I cannot complain. he also doesn't bring GFs round.

I would deffo not move out of your room. Put her in the box room in a single bed with a chest of drawers if she needs somewhere temporarily. There are plenty of houseshares for single professionals out there which would be more suitable.

don't forget if you get any type of benefit like wtc or housing benefit having a lodger will affect that. I think you are mad to let her move in plus give up your room? you will never get rid of her and I can bet se does not pa rent on time.

sorry for missing letters keyboard and water did not mix

cozietoesie Fri 23-Aug-13 16:51:27

Rogue

You say she's been your friend for 20 years. What is this friendship like? Is it equal - or are you the one always 'providing' things emotionally or otherwise?

This is a terrible idea. Do not let her move in fgs!

NatashaBee Fri 23-Aug-13 17:11:08

Do not let her move in. If her landlord has evicted her, have her call Shelter and take advice from them on what she should do next, help her search for possible properties. Find her a storage company to store her property until she gets herself sorted, and if you have a car, help her move stuff there. That is more than enough to help her. Do not let her get herself holed up in your bedroom with all her stuff stashed at your house, you will never get rid of her and she won't pay you any rent.

CerealMom Fri 23-Aug-13 17:39:01

You can't be evicted via Facebook. Unless the tenancy is with her brother and he's telling her to leave.

Her behaviour, lack of regard for you/family and possessions will just carry on in your house if you let her stay.

I'd wonder why the landlord/brother is telling her to go...

RogueRebel Fri 23-Aug-13 17:45:51

Friendship, when I sit and look at it feels one-sided. If I mention what I plan to do/take the children she invites herself. I've recently mentioned I was looking into taking them to see Disney on Ice in London and she's invited herself and talking about what dates she can do. I won't be going with her though. Same if the children mention the cinema, she has to come. She doesn't really do much for me other than the odd lift here and there and only if it suits her.
She's made me feel really small on a few occasions. I found out a musical we both like was on. My oldests has it on DVD and loves it so I was looking into taking her, when I mentioned it to friend she told me very matter of factly that she already knew months ago and had tickets. I asked why she didn't let me know it was on, she agreed DD1 would love it and her response was she didn't think I could afford it. I do live on a shoestring but I never moan about it ever! and any money spare I save to treat the children (I don't drink alcohol at all or smoke and very rarely treat myself), I always pay my way on days out/meals and have treated her on several occasions, which I enjoy doing. I've also recently managed to scrimp together course fees so I can better myself. It really hurt that she felt she couldn't even mention it to me and that she saw a divide between us.

She says she has no money but has also said in the past that push come to shove she could afford her private rent/housing costs on her own.
I am on WTC and live in a council house so I have said I would need to declare her living here and check with them first.

The more I think about it, I hate the idea of her having BF's round at all, I don't want strange men I've never met around my children. I will tell her this and see what she says - it might be a deal breaker for her and I wouldn't feel quite so guilty.
She's posted on FB that shes going to move in with me but worded it so it sounds like she's helping me out, I pulled her up on this and she made out it was a typo and deleated the comment.

she's since informed me she going away for the weekend I didn't have a clue what was happening, she'd mentioned something about moving in on Monday, so.I asked her to let me know what's going on because I couldn't move furniture by myself and I have to work Monday - she was with other people on route and spoke to me quite rudely saying she needed to go away because of stress. I told her I didn't mind but just wanted to know what was happening so it doesn't turn into a big rush and I haven't managed to move anything in the house. She then told me she didn't need to be out until October so I don't need to worry.

Fluffycloudland77 Fri 23-Aug-13 18:00:03

If you are getting a discount off your council tax as the only adult that would go, what if she doesn't make up the shortfall?.

I hope you meet lots of lovely new friends on your course who deserve you.

I had a friend like this at uni, she borrowed money off me and made me feel petty for asking for it back but she was bankrolled by her mum and I used to think twice about affording petrol that week or food.

RogueRebel Fri 23-Aug-13 18:01:40

evicted due to brothers behavior, she is telling everyone on FB, not the landlord he rang her after the police informed him of the brother party which she didn't know about.

I don't drive, so cannot help her in that respect however she does drive (when I asked her if she would help me move just by driving the van - I would be covering all costs) she refused.

She's also already mentioned she can't afford storage, and has suggested that because a few of her white goods are newer I should use hers and throw mine.

Frettchen Fri 23-Aug-13 18:11:43

Oh gosh; the more I read the more I want to plead with you not to let her move in. If you do, then definitely don't give up your room in your house. You're doing her a favour, not the other way round.

Before she moves in you have to sit down with her and go through the conditions; spell out clearly what you would expect her to pay towards rent, council tax (as a PP said; this will go up if you're currently getting the single person's discount) electricity, food etc. Lay down strict rules of no guests round unless you've agreed as it's not appropriate to have strangers traipsing through the house when you have young DC. Also make it very clear that the first 3 months would be a trial period and that if you don't feel it's working out that you'll give her a hand finding somewhere else, and that you don't want it to damage your friendship (although she doesn't sound like a great friend IMHO) but it's your house and you kids and you have to put them first.

If she doesn't understand all that and agree to the conditions you lay down then sadly she can't move in.

Frettchen Fri 23-Aug-13 18:12:54

PS I'm glad you cat came back. FWIW YWNBU

Beckamaw Fri 23-Aug-13 18:48:18

Bloody hell! There is so much wrong with this idea that I'm not sure where to start.

1) it is YOUR home. Your only spare room is the box room. Therefore, IF she does move in, this is her only option. If her furniture doesn't fit; tough shit!

2) You have YOUR furniture in YOUR home. If she needs to find space to store things, it is her problem and not yours. If she doesn't like it; tough shit!

3) YOU make the rules in YOUR home. If she doesn't like them; tough shit!

4) You are willing to inconvenience yourself to have her live with you. The only inconvenience should be working with an extra adult under your roof. She needs to cover all her own food costs plus contribute to council tax and utilities, plus extra for that inconvenience. If she doesn't like it; tough shit.

I'd refuse. She sounds exhausting. hmm

givemeaboost Fri 23-Aug-13 18:48:40

don't do it!!!

Mckayz Fri 23-Aug-13 18:52:33

Do not let her move in!!!

Glad your cat came back.

oldgrandmama Fri 23-Aug-13 18:52:49

I'm a Crazy Cat Lady and proud of it! OP is quite right to keep a new cat in for a few months, to get it used to its new home. Her 'friend' sounds ghastly and frankly, if I were OP, I wouldn't even give a passing thought to let the woman move in, however 'touching' her sob story. OP is not being a bitch, she's putting her family first, and that includes the cat. And by the way, do get the puss microchipped.

WayHarshTai Fri 23-Aug-13 18:53:34

You would be mental to let this leech move in, why on earth woudl you? And giving up your room?

shock

Squitten Fri 23-Aug-13 19:44:10

JUST. SAY. NO.

RogueRebel Fri 23-Aug-13 19:56:06

Thanks Oldgrandmama good to know I'm not the only proud crazy cat lady, he is microchipped or he wouldn't ever go out. I'm buying him a "do not feed" collar and going to get him a tag with address and phone number to back up the chip. He needs to go on a diet incase his reluctance to jump is due to arthritis. Vet said once he's out and about it should help ease up his old joints. he's going to have strict 6monthly checks to keep an eye on him.

I've decided to leave friend to it at the moment, I won't contact her and see if and when she contacts me.

Ground Rules will be

3month probation period.
No men.
Extra rent and council tax to be set up via direct debit from her account amount as adviced by council when I declare her as lodger.
All bills to be split.
If she wants Sky Multiroom she pays the extra.
Halved food bill each week or she can buy her own.

I will get a Catflap installed so I know he won't get let out at night and not be able to get back in without my knowledge.

And I will give her my room - so I won't feel guilty about living in my downstairs space. This way I won't feel quite so guilty of her spending a lot of time in it.

I won't be doing her washing/dishes or cooking of she isn't in the house.

What do you guys think? I was thinking if I do it this way I can say I tried my best.
Although if she can't be bothered to keep me informed of what's happening I may revoke the offer.

I really need to find my balls with her, and after looking at the whole friendship its made me think if I should of distanced myself a long time ago.
Everything seems to be a competition with her especially if I mention I'd like to save for an item, most recently a iPad/tablet she went out and bought one straight away or she will talk to me like a child and explain why I shouldn't get the one I like because its crap.

I just feel bad about losing someone who was originally such a great friend. I do suspect she feels she is better than me because she went to university and has a well payed job although it isn't what she intended to do, unfortunately due to not getting the right grades. I've told her to train again as she most likely would be reconsidered as a mature student with a knowledge of the job.
I chose to follow a childhood dream in a low payed profession which isnt viable now I have children (its usually a live in position)

while I was re-thinking my new career path she did put me down, said I couldn't do a whole list of things. So I guess the friendship is nothing like it was.

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