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Havent slept with husband for 2 years..

(14 Posts)
nosexforus Mon 19-Aug-13 21:27:12

Not sure what to do/think.
I have name changed but generally the subject is that we haven't done anything for over 2 years. I have no inclination to have sex again as since we had children I just don't fancy him like that anymore.

What do I do?!

Vivacia Mon 19-Aug-13 21:29:34

Do you not want to have sex at the moment, or do you not want to have sex with your husband at the moment?

What does he think about the situation?

NothingsLeft Mon 19-Aug-13 21:29:51

No inclination to have sex at all or just with him?

NothingsLeft Mon 19-Aug-13 21:30:37

X post

CoffeeandScones Mon 19-Aug-13 21:30:43

Firstly is that an issue for you, secondly is that an issue for him. Doesn't have to be.

nosexforus Mon 19-Aug-13 21:42:10

No inclination at all with 2 young demanding kids but if i'm honest I don't know how people keep up the attraction for their husbands after a while. I know he is good looking etc but we are like friends and you wouldn't have sex with your friend would you.

No idea what he thinks.

Haggisfish Mon 19-Aug-13 21:50:47

Hmm, we are almost similar, but we have talked about it and I know OH is unhappy with the situation, but understandably so IMO. We are still physically affectionate, and I have just ordered us a 'sex therapy' type worksbook thing off Amazon to try. For me it is partly related to breastfeeding with a huge drop in libido/ability to orgasm related to that. OH appreciates any effort on my part and we both appreciate each other lots in other ways. We went out for dinner the other night and it was grerat fun, and reminded me why I fancy him still. When did you last spend a 'date' together? you need to talk about it with him, really.

nilbyname Mon 19-Aug-13 21:51:17

I understand with young kids that finding the time, making the effort is difficult. But, you either have intimacy in your relationship and you are husband and wife, or you don't and you are roommates.

Sex should be a wonderful part of any marriage, and all the intimacy that is part of a physical loving relationship is good for you.

I am surprised that your DH has not spoken with you about it. 2 years is a really long time.

Do you not want to do it, and happy with that, or dont want to do it, and want to change that?

Creating intimacy that does not lead to sex might be the starting point? Lots of kisses, hand holding, loving touch? But the expectation and end goal is not sex. So no pressure?

nosexforus Mon 19-Aug-13 22:02:12

We cuddle on the sofa but that's about it. I have wondered why he hasn't asked me about it or that he doesn't even attempt anything but then again our dd sleeps in our room!

I just cant be bothered on one level as I am so tired and the other level feel like it would be so odd to sleep together now as its been so long he feels like a friend. If I am honest I know I would be very susceptible to a one night stand or something, not that has ever come up but I can just imagine it.

nilbyname Mon 19-Aug-13 22:15:43

I think saying in one breath that you are tired and cant be bothered and then saying you could have a one night stand is really confusing!

Vivacia Tue 20-Aug-13 06:11:22

I get the impression that you would like a sexual relationship. I think you and your husband have slipped in these roles because its what was best for you at the time given the demands of parenting. I think lots of couples are the same, due to children, work etc.

I think it's imperitive that you talk to your husband about the situation because it's on your mind.
I also think, but less strongly, that you should try reintroducing intimacy in to your relationship.

professorgrommit Tue 20-Aug-13 07:05:36

You need to get this sorted or one (or both) of you are on the road to an affair before long.

CoffeeandScones Tue 20-Aug-13 07:38:13

Unless you talk to him about it, this won't go anywhere (apart possibly from affair(s)).

Have you not raised it with DP because you're worried it is an issue for him and you'll feel pressured?

Wellwobbly Tue 20-Aug-13 07:48:45

Why haven't you talked about it? How does he feel?

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