Note: Mumsnetters don't necessarily have the qualifications or experience to offer relationships counselling or to provide help in cases of domestic violence. Mumsnet can't be held responsible for any advice given on the site. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I am unsure whether I have just had my first ever orgasm

(61 Posts)
Totalluvvie Mon 19-Aug-13 21:23:00

A bit of background: I have never ever had an orgasm. Not on my own or with a partner. Neither have I ever masturbated. I have been married, very happily so, for nearly 10 years, and, with a lot of encouragement from DH, decided that it was definitely time to work through why. So I have invested in a vibrator from emotional bliss, read some books on why women son't orgasm, or lose their orgasm etc, and decided to try and masturbate to find out what works for me. The idea is that I have time and space to have a go myself, and then involve DH when I feel comfortable. No rush and no pressure.

Right. So whilst having a play with the vibrator tonight, after 10 minutes or so, feeling more and more turned on, I sort of tensed up, and felt a series of five or so involuntary muscle spasms in my vagina, and then felt something wet inside (though nothing came out of me) and my heart raced. It was quite nice smile but not mind blowing, and didn't last more than five or so seconds.

Is this an orgasm? I know that some people will say that if I am unsure, then it cannot be, but I don't have anything to compare it to, which is why I am asking!

StElmo Thu 22-Aug-13 23:27:13

Sounds like a manual orgasm to me! There is a huge difference between orgasming alone and with your sexual partner, he sounds very understanding and like he wants to please you, so be honest and tell him what feels good and what doesn't, try and relax and also have a laugh if something feels silly or weird to you, tell him, giggle about it. Sex and exploring each other is fun. Best of luck!

Sallyingforth Wed 21-Aug-13 18:04:05

Just keep practising OP. You need time to understand exactly what and how you are feeling. It really will get better.

TwoStepsBeyond Wed 21-Aug-13 14:08:42

I actually thought I'd used up all my orgasms (a la Samantha from SATC) until I met DP and he reawakened them big style.

Vibrators never did it for me. Trouble is, now I know I have to hold on to this bloke as he is the key to my underneathsie's (love that word!) happiness.

Fortunately like Earthworm, I find my best orgasms are when I'm pleasuring him at the same time (helps to keep me quiet too!) so we both have a vested interest in keeping them coming, if you'll pardon the pun.

I tend to have a series of good smaller ones, but he won't give up until I've had the earth shattering, scare the neighbours one at the end too.

BitOutOfPractice Wed 21-Aug-13 13:53:34

Hurrah! :D

Norgasm Wed 21-Aug-13 13:34:02

OP - well, this is weird - I started a really similar thread recently. But it sounds like you have got a bit further than me!

What books did you read and did you find them useful?

internationallove985 Tue 20-Aug-13 21:41:44

I agree O.P once you've had your first orgasm there's no going back. I had my first from oral at 19 and my first vaginal orgasm at 21 and I've not looked back since. There has only been one time where I've not had an orgasm through vaginal sex since my first orgasm. I can't comment on having an anal orgasm as I'm very proud to say I'm an anal virgin. I know I shouldn't knock it til I've tried it and I'm sure you've gathered I'm no prude but anal sex is a no no. I also enjoy giving pleasure as well. xx

ComtesseDeFrouFrou Tue 20-Aug-13 21:20:35

A tip - don't stop too soon when you feel it happening. Stick with it, IYSWIM.

SomethingOnce Tue 20-Aug-13 21:16:02

GB Women's Wankers for the 2016 Olympics!

LoisPuddingLane Tue 20-Aug-13 21:13:35

Well done on the fanjolele success! You'll be wanking for England soon. grin

SomethingOnce Tue 20-Aug-13 21:08:15

The solo ones are never mindblowing in the way the best ones with DP are, especially those after a long, lazy afternoon in bed.

Maybe the best is yet to, um, come smile

Totalluvvie Tue 20-Aug-13 21:02:57

I am using femblossom heat by emotional bliss. The rabbit looks a little scary! It worked for me again tonight, and it was better than last night. Hurrah! Onwards and upwards. Maybe I am getting addicted? I could go from non orgasmic to sex addict in world record time smile

Nottalotta Tue 20-Aug-13 20:55:00

I also have variable orgasms. Some are amazing - some pretty mediocre!! Sometimes i just know its not going to happen. I ALWAYS need 'outie' stimulation.

Not sure what sort of toy you are pkaying with but the rabbit has to be a handsdown winner. Innie and outie stimulation. I always have a very quick intense orgasm from this. But need to work up to using the damn quite large thing.

Does sound like you had a starter orgasm!

internationallove985 Tue 20-Aug-13 18:45:59

Yeah it sounds like you did. There's all different levels orgasms some that are O.K, some are amazing and others that make you feel like you're not even on this planet.
I hope that was the first of many for you, congratulations. xxx

LoisPuddingLane Tue 20-Aug-13 10:08:44

This is going to sound really odd, but I don't care. If you are starting out on the road to fanjo delights, make a friend of your fanjo. Don't wait until you "feel like" masturbating, just do it to relax. Explore your holes, and explore the outside too. (It's best to do this on your own, or with a consenting adult, but not on the train.) Sometimes I just feel really tense and it's a great way to unwind. Try pressure in different places, try different kinds of touch. Try inserting things. Try lubes. It's a wonderful thing to play with and the great thing is you never get tired of it.

Chibbs Tue 20-Aug-13 10:04:29

i giggled thisisyesterday!

Apileofballyhoo Tue 20-Aug-13 09:56:06

When I had my first one I wasn't really sure if it was one or not - but 20 years later they are pretty strong and amazing! I still might have a small one from time to time that is a bit of a let down. But the beauty of being female is that you can try again fairly quickly afterwards if you feel like it! I'd say like any part of the body it has to be exercised to get stronger. (I was actually wondering if orgasms give the vagina a work out which helps with child birth, but maybe that's silly.)

lollylaughs Tue 20-Aug-13 09:54:05

Use the vibrator during sex - much better experience grin....

jeez it was just a joke.

op sorry if i offended you!

fuckwittery Mon 19-Aug-13 22:42:43

Yeah i have crap orgasms like this often too. They are not mindblowing at all, more mechanical. BUT your body now knows what to do, you have to work on this happening while you are really turned on or with a partner, keep at it!

Sidge Mon 19-Aug-13 22:38:55

It sounds like you did, but be reassured that it won't always be like that!

I find vibrator orgasms a bit nothingy - you get the release but I find it strangely unsatisfying.

A "proper" one for me is like a big sneeze - that build up and then a satisfying release.

LoisPuddingLane Mon 19-Aug-13 22:37:47

It's not really comparable. With a willy you have the whole force of someone's lust behind it.

Twinklestein Mon 19-Aug-13 22:33:13

I've never used a vibrator blush - is plastic better than the real thing?

LoisPuddingLane Mon 19-Aug-13 22:29:45

The first orgasm I had, I thought I'd peed myself. (I was about 10). Once I realised I hadn't...

Re vibrator ones - I find vibrators a bit insistent and bullying. YOU WILL HAVE AN ORGASM. Hands much better.

DistanceCall Mon 19-Aug-13 22:24:32

Erm, they get better. The first time I had sex, I thought the man had got the wrong hole and I needed to go to the bathroom! (TMI, I know).

If you are not used to that kind of sensation down there, it takes time to experience it more intensely. And, as other people said, there are more and less intense orgasms. Try to think of the things that arouse you next time (even if they feel shameful, "naughty", or just plain daft).

It will get better, honest.

Earthworms Mon 19-Aug-13 22:23:49

Careful with the wine though. A little can help you relax enough to have alone, but annoyingly I find a drink makes me really randy, but I just cannot orgasm. Or if I do it's a really lame one.

I have to be quite alert at the outset to have a good un.

I agree with everyone else though. You had a what sounds like a learner orgasm. That.s brilliant. You just need to find out what works for you.

a kiss has an excellent suggestion. That pretty much always works for me unless I have had a lot to drink.

I also find pleasuring dh orally at the same time works wonders. I think it kind of helps me take the pressure to achieve off myself iyswim.

Oddly enough he has made it his responsibility to check that the batteries in my rabbit are always fully charged.

Can't think why.

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now