Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

I am unsure whether I have just had my first ever orgasm

(61 Posts)
Totalluvvie Mon 19-Aug-13 21:23:00

A bit of background: I have never ever had an orgasm. Not on my own or with a partner. Neither have I ever masturbated. I have been married, very happily so, for nearly 10 years, and, with a lot of encouragement from DH, decided that it was definitely time to work through why. So I have invested in a vibrator from emotional bliss, read some books on why women son't orgasm, or lose their orgasm etc, and decided to try and masturbate to find out what works for me. The idea is that I have time and space to have a go myself, and then involve DH when I feel comfortable. No rush and no pressure.

Right. So whilst having a play with the vibrator tonight, after 10 minutes or so, feeling more and more turned on, I sort of tensed up, and felt a series of five or so involuntary muscle spasms in my vagina, and then felt something wet inside (though nothing came out of me) and my heart raced. It was quite nice smile but not mind blowing, and didn't last more than five or so seconds.

Is this an orgasm? I know that some people will say that if I am unsure, then it cannot be, but I don't have anything to compare it to, which is why I am asking!

MushroomSoup Mon 19-Aug-13 21:58:36

thisisyesterday I have no idea what you mean by the lesbian comment...

Faezy Mon 19-Aug-13 21:59:10

I think you'd definitely know if you'd had one, even if it was a weak one.... but then everyone is different and I don't know what it's like for the next woman

Some are definitely better than others.

I think sometimes a quick orgasm with a vibrator can be a bit underwhelming - just spasms like you describe.

The slow-build up ones are much better.

Keep at it OP, don't be disheartened!

thisisyesterday - er, pardon? What the hell?

juneybean Mon 19-Aug-13 22:06:37

Don't worry I've given myself some let downs too. Keep at it though smile

LEMisdisappointed Mon 19-Aug-13 22:06:49

Yeah to be honest, vibrator orgasms are a bit lame ime you need to use your fingers, its all to do with the pressure really. But now you know what you are working with, you can now have lots of fun exploring smile

If you start a thread asking about RSI over the next few weeks we shall know why grin

Totalluvvie Mon 19-Aug-13 22:08:58

Thanks for the support all. Its been a bit underwhelming really, but I agree that practice makes perfect. I might keep it to myself rather than tell DH, as he will be v keen to get in on the albeit it limited, action, and I think I probably need to invest me more time and effort. I appreciate your support.

Thisisyesterday, cut me some slack, eh?

AnyFucker Mon 19-Aug-13 22:11:54

I think you might have had a learner orgasm smile

Keep practicing.

Yonihadtoask Mon 19-Aug-13 22:12:06

OP.

I can't link as we have too much security on our stoopid wi fi.

But - google Tingle Tip. It's a little attachment which goes on your electric toothbrush. Fab. Much more powerful and precise than any traditional vibe.

Worth a tenner of anyone's money.

Twinklestein Mon 19-Aug-13 22:16:58

Sometimes that's happened when I'm tired - you get the muscle contractions without the intense pleasure. If you think it's underwhelming then it's not an orgasm...

Samu2 Mon 19-Aug-13 22:18:03

Some really aren't that earth shattering, but I would have thought that even with a bad one you would know for sure.

It's a very 'whoa' WTF was that?? when you have your first.

IMO fingers are best to experiment with. I find vibrators can make everything too intense leading to a bad orgasm so you may have one of the ones that build up leading to pretty much nothing. Very frustrating.

Either way, it's a very positive step smile

Earthworms Mon 19-Aug-13 22:23:49

Careful with the wine though. A little can help you relax enough to have alone, but annoyingly I find a drink makes me really randy, but I just cannot orgasm. Or if I do it's a really lame one.

I have to be quite alert at the outset to have a good un.

I agree with everyone else though. You had a what sounds like a learner orgasm. That.s brilliant. You just need to find out what works for you.

a kiss has an excellent suggestion. That pretty much always works for me unless I have had a lot to drink.

I also find pleasuring dh orally at the same time works wonders. I think it kind of helps me take the pressure to achieve off myself iyswim.

Oddly enough he has made it his responsibility to check that the batteries in my rabbit are always fully charged.

Can't think why.

DistanceCall Mon 19-Aug-13 22:24:32

Erm, they get better. The first time I had sex, I thought the man had got the wrong hole and I needed to go to the bathroom! (TMI, I know).

If you are not used to that kind of sensation down there, it takes time to experience it more intensely. And, as other people said, there are more and less intense orgasms. Try to think of the things that arouse you next time (even if they feel shameful, "naughty", or just plain daft).

It will get better, honest.

LoisPuddingLane Mon 19-Aug-13 22:29:45

The first orgasm I had, I thought I'd peed myself. (I was about 10). Once I realised I hadn't...

Re vibrator ones - I find vibrators a bit insistent and bullying. YOU WILL HAVE AN ORGASM. Hands much better.

Twinklestein Mon 19-Aug-13 22:33:13

I've never used a vibrator blush - is plastic better than the real thing?

LoisPuddingLane Mon 19-Aug-13 22:37:47

It's not really comparable. With a willy you have the whole force of someone's lust behind it.

Sidge Mon 19-Aug-13 22:38:55

It sounds like you did, but be reassured that it won't always be like that!

I find vibrator orgasms a bit nothingy - you get the release but I find it strangely unsatisfying.

A "proper" one for me is like a big sneeze - that build up and then a satisfying release.

fuckwittery Mon 19-Aug-13 22:42:43

Yeah i have crap orgasms like this often too. They are not mindblowing at all, more mechanical. BUT your body now knows what to do, you have to work on this happening while you are really turned on or with a partner, keep at it!

jeez it was just a joke.

op sorry if i offended you!

lollylaughs Tue 20-Aug-13 09:54:05

Use the vibrator during sex - much better experience grin....

Apileofballyhoo Tue 20-Aug-13 09:56:06

When I had my first one I wasn't really sure if it was one or not - but 20 years later they are pretty strong and amazing! I still might have a small one from time to time that is a bit of a let down. But the beauty of being female is that you can try again fairly quickly afterwards if you feel like it! I'd say like any part of the body it has to be exercised to get stronger. (I was actually wondering if orgasms give the vagina a work out which helps with child birth, but maybe that's silly.)

Chibbs Tue 20-Aug-13 10:04:29

i giggled thisisyesterday!

LoisPuddingLane Tue 20-Aug-13 10:08:44

This is going to sound really odd, but I don't care. If you are starting out on the road to fanjo delights, make a friend of your fanjo. Don't wait until you "feel like" masturbating, just do it to relax. Explore your holes, and explore the outside too. (It's best to do this on your own, or with a consenting adult, but not on the train.) Sometimes I just feel really tense and it's a great way to unwind. Try pressure in different places, try different kinds of touch. Try inserting things. Try lubes. It's a wonderful thing to play with and the great thing is you never get tired of it.

internationallove985 Tue 20-Aug-13 18:45:59

Yeah it sounds like you did. There's all different levels orgasms some that are O.K, some are amazing and others that make you feel like you're not even on this planet.
I hope that was the first of many for you, congratulations. xxx

Nottalotta Tue 20-Aug-13 20:55:00

I also have variable orgasms. Some are amazing - some pretty mediocre!! Sometimes i just know its not going to happen. I ALWAYS need 'outie' stimulation.

Not sure what sort of toy you are pkaying with but the rabbit has to be a handsdown winner. Innie and outie stimulation. I always have a very quick intense orgasm from this. But need to work up to using the damn quite large thing.

Does sound like you had a starter orgasm!

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now