Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

DH slept in same bed as another woman - would you be annoyed?

(659 Posts)
onesiebore Sat 17-Aug-13 11:07:50

DH was away with work this week for a night and since he's been home he's been a bit odd - a little jumpy and quieter than normal. I asked if something was wrong and he said there was something that he felt I should know but he didn't think I'd be very happy about it although he hadn't done anything.

He'd already told me that his colleague Beth had had to leave early as her Dad had died suddenly while they were away and last night he said that he'd ended up staying in her room to make sure she was ok. Apparently she'd found out when they'd been drinking, had gone to bed upset (had been drinking and couldn't drive), he went to check on her and she'd asked him to stay. He swears nothing happened other than giving her a hug and sleeping next to her.

I believe him that nothing else happened but still feel uneasy about it

Coconutty Sat 17-Aug-13 11:09:19

Yes of course I would be fucking furious and wouldn't believe him either.

I would be seething and would actually struggle to let it go.

cozietoesie Sat 17-Aug-13 11:11:56

I'd be deeply annoyed although i wouldn't necessarily disbelieve him. In those circumstances, and if she was so upset that she couldn't have been alone, I'd have expected him to sit in a chair in her room - with a rug or blanket if necessary.

maras2 Sat 17-Aug-13 11:12:14

I would be furious.Sorry for her loss but both him and her must know that this is highly inappropriate < and I suspect that you do too >

MexicanHat Sat 17-Aug-13 11:12:27

Of course. It's totally unacceptable!! I expect your H wouldn't be thrilled it you'd got into bed for the night with a male colleague to 'comfort' him.

Dearjackie Sat 17-Aug-13 11:12:45

My god I'd go mad and no I wouldn't believe nothing happened. It's not his responsibility to look after her

nurseneedshelp Sat 17-Aug-13 11:13:46

Sorry but I think there's probably more to this from his changed behaviour, sounds like he just trying to minimise it all.

Think you need to dig deeper! Even if it was innocent I'd be furious, how would he cope if you'd "innocently slept at the side of a male"?

NotConnie Sat 17-Aug-13 11:14:19

I'm afraid I would think there was more to it than he's saying. And I'd be furious too.
Even if his version is accurate, this is very suspicious behaviour showing total lack of boundaries.

trinitybleu Sat 17-Aug-13 11:15:14

Yes. He could have slept in a chair or something.

HaroldLloyd Sat 17-Aug-13 11:15:40

sorry that sounds as suspicious as hell.

I'd be furious.

mynameisslimshady Sat 17-Aug-13 11:17:22

That would be enough for me to leave dh. Holding another woman all night long is far too intimate. Regardless of whether anything else happened, what he has admitted to isn't acceptable.

Bowlersarm Sat 17-Aug-13 11:17:44

I'd be furious. I would get over it because I know DH adores me and trust him not to jeopardise our relationship. I don't think he would have done this. I wouldn't share a bed with another man.

What's your relationship with your DH like?

delilahlilah Sat 17-Aug-13 11:18:49

I would have some issues with this BUT, I don't think she should have been left on her own either. Imagine you we're her, and you had such devastating news, would you be thinking about sex? I doubt it. Also, he has told you himself. He wasn't caught in a lie. Instinct is to console someone, for me at least, if you trusted him prior to this then I don't think you need to worry.

GetStuffezd Sat 17-Aug-13 11:19:54

Quite frankly I would bet next month's paycheque he shagged her. My ex did this and I found out years later he'd done it. Of course he fucking had. I wouldn't tolerate this, it's immensely disrespectful.

YoniBottsBumgina Sat 17-Aug-13 11:19:55

I was going to say no because from your title I assumed it was a lack of sleeping space sort of situation but hmm, no I think I would be uncomfortable with him hugging her and staying because she said "don't go"

Although.. I don't know because I suppose if I think what would I have wanted him to have done, I wouldn't have wanted him to leave her alone if she was upset and just needed someone to be there. I'd feel really conflicted about my husband giving someone else that comfort but if nobody else was there to do it? And it was a one off and extreme situation. I would have preferred it if he'd given her a hug and then sat with her perhaps until she fell asleep and then gone to sleep somewhere else/on the floor etc but maybe he intended to do that and fell asleep.

I think I'd be uncomfortable about it but ultimately if I believed that nothing sexual happened then I would think that he did the right thing in an awkward/uncomfortable situation. I could see DP getting into this situation and then feeling uncomfortable about it afterwards, and I think that would be good enough for me.

notanyanymore Sat 17-Aug-13 11:20:09

Bless him. The fact he's told you and obviously feels uneasy about it is a good thing IMO. And it was hardly usual circumstances. I think you need to try and talk to him (calmly) about it and move on.

MortifiedAdams Sat 17-Aug-13 11:20:09

He is doing the classic "admit to A so you can hide the fact that you did B and C"

He slept with her.

delilahlilah Sat 17-Aug-13 11:20:30

I would want to know why there wasn't another colleague (female, possibly) that could have stayed with her though.

More than annoyed. That would cross my line.

gillywillywoo Sat 17-Aug-13 11:21:26

My DH has a female work colleague who is a really great girl and I've become friends with her.

We all go out for drinks sometimes and she's stayed at our house in our spare room. She's not a girly girl.. Definitely more "one of the lads" in his work... but still pretty!

If DH and her were away on business and went back to his room/her room I wouldnt mind if it was for a few drinks, chat and watching tv but I would 100% expect DH to go back to his own room to sleep.. And I KNOW that he would.

Even if he was BLIND DRUNK he would find his way back to his own room.

I would find it very strange if a female asked him to stay in her room and the thought of a female saying that to my DH immediately makes me think she probably wants something more than just "company".

If this woman was upset or whatever then he could've sat and talked to her for a while and then left. He did not have to stay in her room and certainly did not have to sleep in the same bed!

I would be livid.

I'd also be wondering if anyone else they work with know that they shared a bed? Because that is some serious gossip in a workplace hmm

I'd go apeshit. I don't necessarily think he slept with her, but it implies an intimacy that a married man should not be having with another woman. Completely crossed a line, imo.

curlew Sat 17-Aug-13 11:22:39

"My god I'd go mad and no I wouldn't believe nothing happened. It's not his responsibility to look after her"

Whose responsibility was it as a matter of interest?

gillywillywoo Sat 17-Aug-13 11:25:14

If she'd gone to bed upset, why did your DH even go to her room to check on her? Surely a text or call would suffice?

curlew Sat 17-Aug-13 11:26:03

Because her father had died and he's a nice guy?

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now