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I've not had sex for almost three years!

(57 Posts)
MygodImdesperate Fri 16-Aug-13 11:23:53

Help me get back in the saddle (no pun intended). Posted this in chat but no response.

I've been single mum now for over three years. Haven't had sex in almost three. Its now becoming a bit of an issue for me. I've joined internet dating sites, but there is no one that I would even want to have a one nighter with. How do I er get sex then? My self esteem is just on the floor, I feel repugnant so the longer it is, the more of an issue it is becoming.

Have name change for obvious reasons.

treadpattern Fri 16-Aug-13 11:44:53

Oh dear having not met someone you are willing to have a one nighter with suggests the situation is not that desperate... That said as a bloke, I too have gone long periods without sleeping with anyone, never had a one night stand and doubt I ever will, just not in my make up to have it off with someone I don't know. Find some young lean lad 'cause you can be sure he won't want to be in it long term, beware the self loathing hangover though. hmm

beaglesaresweet Fri 16-Aug-13 11:50:33

did you try to join a gym? I've heard quite a few people having casual flings out of that, you'd have to flirt/initiate eye contact with younger guys, it can work! Or join the toyboy site, you'd be amazed how many younger men (many good looking and all types - professionals and in physical jobs) are after sex with older - within reason usually - women. Assuming you aer not 20 yourself!
I can't do casual sex myself, but kind of envy those who can, as finding a relationship is SO much harder than a fling.

MygodImdesperate Fri 16-Aug-13 11:53:08

I would like a relationship long term, but having three dc's one with special needs, I don't know how I will manage it. The children take up so much of my time and energy. I would also be worried about bringing someone else into our little dynamic as at the moment its so delicate managing her behaviours.

For now I would like to er 'scratch the itch'. I'm 36 btw!

beaglesaresweet Fri 16-Aug-13 11:55:05

tread, many women are happy with young lovers and no commitment, no need to generalise about 'self loathing'! Op sounds like she wants sex rather than anything emotional, so that's fine and it works for many (of not for you). For a woman with a child finding a relationship is ten times harder than for a single woman - and that's hard enough for a 35+ as the pool of single men who want a relationship at that age is tiny.

Libertine73 Fri 16-Aug-13 11:55:31

Escort? Get a reputable one, get the kids out for the night, and fill yer boots smile

Libertine73 Fri 16-Aug-13 11:56:30

or go out? May do your confidence good to get dressed up and feel good about yourself?

Have you got single friends?

nkf Fri 16-Aug-13 11:56:37

I thought it was supposed to be fairly easy to get sex if you're a woman. Are you looking for a relationship?

beaglesaresweet Fri 16-Aug-13 11:56:41

cross posts, Op! exactly, especially with THREE kids. Don't apologise for wanting just some release (mental and physical).

MygodImdesperate Fri 16-Aug-13 11:57:01

Libertine it has crossed my mind.

nkf Fri 16-Aug-13 11:57:22

Get an escort. Isn't that just a euphemism for pay for sex. Hire a prostitute. Yuk.

MygodImdesperate Fri 16-Aug-13 11:58:26

I have no single friends, everyone I know is married with a young family. No one ever goes out and I would feel uncomfortable going out by myself and picking someone up! Plus I wouldn't have the first clue as to how to do it.

Libertine73 Fri 16-Aug-13 11:59:28

People sell themselves every day nfk in various guises.

Libertine73 Fri 16-Aug-13 12:00:02

singles nights?

nkf Fri 16-Aug-13 12:00:15

Well, hello, I know that. I just don't approve of it.

Libertine73 Fri 16-Aug-13 12:01:02

Fair enough, I was asking the OP.

kinkyfuckery Fri 16-Aug-13 12:02:55

Are you just looking for a one off shag, or to start having regular sex, with or without a relationship?

Do you have a single male friend that you could explain your situation to and see if he is willing to 'accommodate' you?

MygodImdesperate Fri 16-Aug-13 12:04:04

I've looked at singles nights, god I sound pathetic, but don't have the confidence to go by myself. I know no single people, and I've found that because I'm by myself, the invitations to things like BBQ's or couples nights out have dried up.

Truth be told, I'm unbelievably arse achingly, desperately lonely. Shit now I'm crying.

If you want some NSA sex but are wary of introducing a new man into your family life (which seems entirely sensible to me) I would suggest maybe a swingers' club on a 'mixed' night. Generally the people there are upfront about what they want, friendly and not offended if you turn them down. You don't have to have sex in the club, you can arrange hook-ups for later. Also, contact/personas/swingers websites are good for finding playmates. I'm a single mum, too, and aware of the practical difficulties of getting laid when you have to organise your time off round childcare possibilities. Good luck.

Libertine73 Fri 16-Aug-13 12:06:38

Oh love, don't cry! Have you got a friendly rabbit? grin

beaglesaresweet Fri 16-Aug-13 12:06:49

OP, why do you ignore my suggestion of the toyboy site? you'd surprised how easy is it to meet someone, they aer young and eager! some aer nice too - I've dabbled years ago and they aer not weitd or anything, didn't actually have a fling, just a couple of nights out, but you could.

MygodImdesperate Fri 16-Aug-13 12:08:23

I will look at a toyboy site, do you have any suggestions for good ones.

Libertine, my rabbit has been whittled down to a sad, buzzing stump. He needs replacing stat grin

beaglesaresweet Fri 16-Aug-13 12:09:42

..and don't assume the men on there are 18yr olds, some are 30-35 and majority mid-20s.

Libertine73 Fri 16-Aug-13 12:09:50

Ha ha ha!! Poor rabbit stump sad

toy boy sites sound good in a relationship,but yeah, which are the good ones

JaceyBee Fri 16-Aug-13 12:10:23

There really doesn't need to be a self loathing hangover after a ONS. Why should there be? It's only sex, it's not wrong to have it with someone you have no intention of being in a relationship with. I appreciate not everyone is comfortable with this but I wouldn't assume you'll feel bad afterwards, it might be fine!

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