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32, single and childless

(31 Posts)
ihavenonameonhere Fri 16-Aug-13 04:39:37

Hey people.

Please be gentle with me as I am a bit fragile at the moment.

I was single for 6 years (dating etc but never anyone serious) until I met a guy a year ago. We got on straight away, started dating etc. He would stay at mine when he was in town (3 nights a week) 6 months in he decided to move home and that was the next place I was moving to (I was travelling and working) and so we decided to move together.

We got a place together and all was pretty good, to be honest I was starting to think maybe this was it. We just got on so so well, we rarely argued, he was kind, a great cook and we just enjoyed each others company. However, he couldnt find work and got quite down so when a 3 month placement came up living elsewhere we both agreed he should go there to work. 3 weeks in I went to visit him, his job was going well and there was talk about me moving there.

When I went to see him we had an argument and he told me he was unhappy and wanted space, he said his head was messed up and he didnt know if he wanted to settle down etc. I was a bit shocked but went back to where I was living and game him space. To cut a long story short, 4 weeks later he still just kept saying he needed space so I made the decision for him and walked away.

I have been totally gutted, he was honestly the best thing that has happened to me for years. I dont think hes met someone else but I also wise enough to know that it probably means he just wasnt that into me, and its better to know now etc. However this hasnt stopped it hurting more than the end of any other relationship. Previous relationships were for over 3 years but it always felt they had run their course.

On top of all this it also means our plans for me to stay in the current country I live in are over and I will have to return home without a job in the New Year. I am now so stressed at the thought of returning home, where I dont really want to be.

Finally I am terrified, I am 32 and want children. It took me so long to meet him I am just scared I am going to be alone sad

Thank you for listening smile

bluebell234 Fri 20-Sep-13 06:12:18

of course you miss him- at least from time to time I guess.
its not been long you left him.
it will take time.
did he try to come back?

Seasidegirly Fri 20-Sep-13 14:39:39

OP dont be down - you have plenty of time yet to settle down. Im 41 no children, never been married and only had one serious bf ages ago. I havent chucked in the towel yet that theres no Mr Right for me out there but then again I have fab friends so I really dont crave one smile.

crazyhead Fri 20-Sep-13 14:50:03

I was 33 and in the throes of a falling apart relationship. I was so terrified about the children thing as well.

However, at 33 and a half I got together with OH, pg at 34 and I'm now 36 and expecting baby number two in the next month. We're so happy.

I've got lots of friends whose love lives turned themselves around in their 30s in similar way. When it is right it can move pretty quickly in your 30s. I honestly think that the main risk is staying too long with the wrong person which you've avoided doing.

It is normal that you feel crappy about this guy right now, but you did the brave thing and walked away and I bet you'll feel so much better when the dust has settled a bit.

CogitoErgoSometimes Fri 20-Sep-13 22:21:54

You realise you don't have to have a partner in order to have children. If all you really want is to be a mother, it's something you can organise quite independently. Find a partner another time

whitesugar Sat 21-Sep-13 00:09:53

OP you have definitely made the right decision. I know its hard now but you will get through this. Just keep thinking what it would be like if you were still with him. Nothing would have changed and you would be just as unhappy as you are now. I am sure the future looks scary with relocating and looking for work but change can be a good thing. If you do date please please don't draw up a checklist. I always said I would never date a short man despite the fact that my abusive EXH was 6ft 2. Then I met a guy who was about 5ft 6 max and trust me like someone said up thread he was the sexiest man I ever met. We didn't last long but it was a good lesson. I hope you start to enjoy life soon because you really can be happy again.

Please bear in mind that you can have babies without having a couple-relationship. If you want to be a mother, you can adopt, use donor sperm, make an arrangement with a male friend to co-parent (ie bring up children but without a couple-relationship) or have a lot of no-0contraception sex with various men.

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