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Single, how to meet people (men?)

(42 Posts)
MissDD1971 Thu 15-Aug-13 10:54:01

I know this isn't a mummy question but it's a question I'm going to ask for me and few single ladies.

We're aged between 38 and 41 (about 4 of us), totally normal, with jobs, solvent, attractive (dare I say it?!), funny etc. But we either find it hard to meet nice men or to socialise with them.

Doesn't help that one of my friends isn't much into bars but prefers salsa dancing etc but then discounts any men there. This friend is also a church going Christian (she's used a Christian dating website but it was affiliated to other ones and not really Christian).

We've tried dating websites - I met my last boyfriend through there - and though they're good I prefer to meet people in public.

We go to the gym/cinema/occasional meet up groups/dining out etc and also go to the occasional local festival (music/food etc).

I think personally we need to strike up conversations more and get to know men not just as partners but as friends/acquaintances etc (we did this recently with some guys, I got asked out twice same evening in space of 5 minutes! This happened in the communal gardens of my friend's private flat, we then got asked into a nice guy's flat where he had some friends who we had a drink with). But for me it was more we'd actually spoke/hung out with normal guys, not seeing them as partners?

Are we being really picky? Any tips?

MadeMan Sat 17-Aug-13 15:43:28

"I wouldn't approach anyone IRL most I do is chat to barista at coffee shop and he's gay Lol."

MissDD1971 If you really, really wanted to chat up attractive men on the street then I suppose you could try opening a conversation by asking them for the time (make sure your Flavor Flav clock necklace is tucked away though).

Or you could walk up and point to something on their shirt and when they look down, flick them on the chin. smile

EBearhug Sun 18-Aug-13 22:43:53

People have recommended that I join a walking group. I have joined, but due to work and various other things going on at weekends, I've not actually managed to join a walk yet...

MissDD1971 Mon 19-Aug-13 13:02:55

MadeMan - I would NEVER approach someone in the street! : Shocked

I wouldn't bat a man away either but I certainly treat them with caution if they do approach me. It takes a lot of front/confidence to approach member of opposite sex unless just asking them the time (and JUST the time etc).

MadeMan Mon 19-Aug-13 16:22:39

"...but I certainly treat them with caution if they do approach me."

Yeah it's probably best to be a bit cautious.

"I would NEVER approach someone in the street!"

Again, probably best really. Most people on the street in everyday life are just getting on with their lives and will not be expecting to get chatted up in a million years; so they will have their defences up if you start talking to them. Complete opposite to the pubs and clubs environment where the majority of people have their defences down because they expect that they might be chatted up.

missbopeep Mon 19-Aug-13 16:33:47

I think the real answer to this is- there is no answer.

I married later than most ( albeit it many years ago) and met men all over the place.

Sports clubs- tennis, squash, etc etc- join some and play in matches etc.
Friends who know other men- brothers, colleagues, friends of friends partners, etc.
Neighbours! yes, really- house next door had 2 single men- one asked me out.
Nightclubs/ dancing.
Work- one long term was a close colleague.

My DH was friends and colleagues with the guy my close friend was dating. We met when she organised a drink with her guy and several of his friends ......

You just have to get out there.
Be friendly.
look open.
Look as good as you can most of the time.

men I know say they look for women on public transport- trains etc- and even over the ready meals at the supermarket.

If you appear open - your body language-and are receptive to eye to eye contact from strangers, it makes it easier for men to talk to you.

ladybranston Mon 19-Aug-13 18:07:18

I'm only trying to help! I've been chatted up at the bar in a steakhouse (maybe a bit too new york for the uk), on the subway, in line for starbucks, whole foods in manhattan, in the elevator at the doctors. Here we have "meetup" groups that are interest-based and while yield a lot of nerds, every now and again there is someone interesting. i do agree that workplaces are good - there's some statistic that 20% of relationships were through meeting at work - i'll try to find the link. i am definitely interested in hearing from single men where they might go or want to go to meet women. every little piece of information is useful, after all.

Xenadog Mon 19-Aug-13 19:31:07

Aren't there singles nights anymore? That might be an alternative to internet dating and bars/clubs if you have an aversion to them.

I met my DP when we were both 38 on eHarmony and found it to be the best of the internet dating sites - it seemed to sort out the wheat from the chaff IYKWIM.

I would suggest volunteering as well; it's a way of being sociable as well as focused on something but not as focused as being at a class if that makes sense? Volunteers tend to be nice people as well (IME) and if nothing else it will widen your social circle which could in turn lead to Mr Right.

OP, you need to lose the pack too - maybe do something in a pair but a group of 4 is too many. I think most men will be intimidated by going up to a whole pack of women

MadeMan Mon 19-Aug-13 19:49:37

I think also we have to be realistic about what we're prepared to do in order to meet members of the opposite sex. To be honest, I'm not really going to start doing things that I'm not particularly into, just on the off-chance of meeting some 30-something females. I know in theory taking up a new hobby seems good on paper, but surely you have to have some kind of interest in what you're doing. For example, I have no interest in Zumba or salsa lessons, so if I only go along to chat up women I'll probably end up looking like a pervert.

I sometimes think of Hugh Grant's character in the film About A Boy when he turns up at the Single Parents Alone Together meetings to try and pull the single mums. smile

Kiwiinkits Tue 20-Aug-13 02:24:28

MadeMan had it not occurred to you that you're at the online equivalent of Single Parents Alone Together. You're at the Relationships board of Mumsnet. People here hold hands in a circle and bitch about their terrible relationship histories IN EXACTLY THE SAME WAY. (Nice work trying to pick up chicks!)

Kiwiinkits Tue 20-Aug-13 02:25:10

brew for MadeMan.

MadeMan Tue 20-Aug-13 15:03:57

"MadeMan had it not occurred to you that you're at the online equivalent of Single Parents Alone Together."

Haha, no it hadn't actually, but you're absolutely right, thanks for pointing it out. blush Oh dear, I now have even more in common with Hugh's character than I thought, which is a bit worrying. I'm not as blank/empty as him because I go to work and have some social life, plus I don't have a swanky west london pad or drive an Audi, but there are a number of similarities.

Here's hoping I don't end up singing at the local school talent night.

tomgonzalez Wed 23-Oct-13 15:20:38

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Themanfrommanc Wed 23-Oct-13 17:15:28

I guess the level of male availability is low in certain age groups. They are either married,have a GF,are gay,divorced and dont want to do it again or confirmed bachelors.

That doesnt leave a lot left save for people moonlighting as single just for excitement or sexual advanture.

Speaking for myself,im not actively hunting for a woman. I couldnt really care less if i never met another one. That said, i have no issues with socialising with someone who i find good company as long as there are no hidden agendas. If things develop a little well thats fine.

redundantandbitter Wed 23-Oct-13 17:20:56

Vegetarians can be fun you know. .., honest!

Heartbrokenmum73 Wed 23-Oct-13 18:32:55

Tomgonzalez I've reported you resurrecting this thread to push your own website.

UnexpectedFrightInShaggingArea Wed 23-Oct-13 18:49:02

Sport - cycling, walking, running.

tomgonzalez Thu 24-Oct-13 15:35:47

Message deleted by Mumsnet for breaking our Talk Guidelines. Replies may also be deleted.

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