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how do you feel about your other half going away with the lads?

(46 Posts)
timetofaceit Tue 06-Aug-13 21:46:12

I don't know why I struggle with it but I just don't like it, never have with anyone tbh! I've never tried to stop him I've just gritted my teeth and smiled because I think its important for them to have lads time whether it be for a night out or a weekend away. Its not really a trust issue because I do trust him though there is always a slight worry probably due to past experiences. Maybe its jealously? Maybe its because I don't like him enjoying himself with other people I don't know. I know its wrong to feel like that but I can't help it. I'm just worried if it'll come between us though as my DH has a group of very good friends known since school, now in his 40's and they always done trips away together. I'm just dreading it when he says he's going to blah next time. Whats wrong with me and how do you feel about this sort of thing?

thismousebites Tue 06-Aug-13 21:52:12

My Ex went away every year with his mates for a long weekend.
At first I hated it, but towards the end of our marriage I think I looked forwards to it more than he did.

MortifiedAdams Tue 06-Aug-13 21:54:13

I look forward to it grin bed to myself, no cooking, stuff stays tidy and I miss him so its nice to have him.home at the end.

I go away regularly too so it genuinely doesnt bother me.

timetofaceit Tue 06-Aug-13 21:56:56

oh maybe I'll get used to it then, I am happy in every other way so maybe with getting to know him more and the trust grows I will feel better do you think? Kind of hate myself for it really cos he's a good bloke!!!!! grrr

Smartiepants79 Tue 06-Aug-13 22:02:00

Before we had kids I used to love it! House all to myself. Bed all to myself. TV all to myself.
I trust him utterly.
It's a bit different now we have small children. I am unable to go away myself a the moment due to breast feeding so I do get a bit resentful of him just being able to swan off without a second thought.
I keep this to myself though!
This will change again though and in a few months I plan to be the one swanning off!

ItsAFuckingVase Tue 06-Aug-13 22:10:15

Honestly, I love it! I like to make the most of having the bed to myself, fu control of the remote and indulging in my favourite foods.
He also enjoys the same when I go away with my friends.

We also have holidays with our friends.

But then, we didn't live together and infact only saw one another at weekends for the first 5 years of our relationship, so I think we've both retained our independence.

timetofaceit Tue 06-Aug-13 22:10:30

oh see that probably doesn't help, I don't live with him so don't see him that much really so if he goes away I kind of feel resentful its in our time lol!

MadeMan Tue 06-Aug-13 22:12:58

I wouldn't want my girlfriend going off with the lads, she's an effing bad influence on them and they'd all be smoking and drinking heavily!

amothersplaceisinthewrong Tue 06-Aug-13 22:14:44

My DH has done this most years since we were married and I don't mind. I do it too with girlfriends.

Squitten Tue 06-Aug-13 22:35:52

If my DH wanted to go away with his friends somewhere I'd be fine with that. He sometimes has to go away for work stuff where a lot of socialising is involved but generally his friends all have families so they don't do that sort of thing anymore.

It's nice to have him gone for a short while from time to time - I can do as I please without having to think about him! smile I certainly wouldn't worry about what he's up to. Having kids has ruined him socially - he can't drink like he used to so he'd probably be mostly enjoying child-free sleeping and suffering badly from any hangovers!

tumbletumble Tue 06-Aug-13 22:39:07

My DH is going away this weekend for 3 nights with his uni friends, I'll miss him a bit but I'm happy for him to go.

HandMini Tue 06-Aug-13 22:40:19

I quite like it, as I enjoy time at home by myself.

However, I find it hard to get any reciprocation, because its difficult to get together with my friends for a similar holiday - a bit of a generalisation, but lots of my female friends are in the midst of pregnancies, breastfeeding, young children, juggling work/home and we simply don't prioritise a jolly weekend away with the girls.

I tried to organise one a month or so back and it turned into a pedicure afternoon instead which was great, but I feel that DP has a few offers every year for a weekend away with friends walking / cycling / skiing and i just dont. Perhaps I need more outgoing friends!

Fairylea Tue 06-Aug-13 22:41:00

My dh has no friends so no going away .... ! He wouldn't want to go anyway. He likes being at home far too much... he's a proper homebody.

AnyFucker Tue 06-Aug-13 22:41:45

I like it. Do you have similar jollies with girlfriends ? If not, why not.

timetofaceit Tue 06-Aug-13 22:51:13

no not really anyfucker, maybe that's part of the problem, I was asked once but couldn't as had kids, as I say I live on my own with the kids. A lot of friends just don't have the money and the rest just go away with their husbands must have boring friends!!!! lol

chattychattyboomba Tue 06-Aug-13 22:51:26

No problem with it, i relish the the alone. as long as he allows me the same privileges! Girls weekends/trips away where he stays and looks after DD.
grin

AnyFucker Tue 06-Aug-13 22:54:01

Would he care for your kids while you had a night away with a pal ? If not, why not ? Are you actually in a proper relationship or just 2 people having separate lives and separate finances that occasionally meet up ?

HandMini Tue 06-Aug-13 22:56:42

Calm down AnyFucker - this is a bit uncalled for based on what OP has said - Are you actually in a proper relationship

AnyFucker Tue 06-Aug-13 22:58:04

Back off, HM. Let OP answer for herself, she isn't a child. I am asking about the nature of this partnership and it is a fair question.

HandMini Tue 06-Aug-13 22:58:32

Woah! You are aggressive.

timetofaceit Tue 06-Aug-13 22:59:28

he probably would if I asked him but I do get every other weekend off as my ex has them, so I could if the opportunity arose it just doesn't very often. No we live separately not quite been together for a year yet we see each other at weekends and maybe once in the week but no its not like a committed live together relationship no! He doesn't do the away thing very often really and think the lads nights out have got less since he's met me, he's just more choosy which ones he goes on, so I can't complain really!!! I'm just being selfish I guess and need to get over it

AnyFucker Tue 06-Aug-13 23:00:52

Jumping in to say "calm down" is a conciliatory act is it then ? Give over and stop trying to derail the thread.

Op is a Big Girl, she doesn't need you to protect her. How patronising would that be ?.

AnyFucker Tue 06-Aug-13 23:02:41

No, I don't think you are being selfish but you do seem a bit envious. Could you cultivate some girlie friendships a bit more when your kids father has them ? Do you save all your childfree time for your partner ? That would be a mistake, love.

DonDrapersAltrEgoBigglesDraper Tue 06-Aug-13 23:08:06

It's fair enough to feel a bit envious of him going off to have a fun weekend, so at least you acknowledge it.

My DH goes away on the odd weekend with his friends (well, not since we emigrated, though he does have a big one coming up). Likewise, his group of friends have all known each other since school days. But I know all his friends and like them all, so I suppose that helps a lot.

And of course, we're married, live together and see each other all the time. I can easily spare him a weekend here and there. Likewise, he can with me.

timetofaceit Tue 06-Aug-13 23:08:29

no I don't think I do save all my child free time for him I do things with my girlfriends in the day when not working... shopping, lunching, coffee pamper parties. I just don't go away hmmm maybe I should organise one, you got me thinking now anyfucker maybe that will help with the envy/jealousy thing !

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