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are you still friends with your NCT group or did it just fissle out?

(68 Posts)
cleoowen Tue 06-Aug-13 19:35:50

Feeling little sad as after only 8 months (since my ds was born and he was the last one) our group seems,to have fissled out. It seems very early for it to have happened as I think most people atleast last a year. But I told myself not to bank on making best friends with these people and so aren't devastated or anything but I must admit I thought the meeting up might have gone on a bit longer.

I think the mistake we,made was never arranging one day a week where we all meet. It wasn't done at the beginning, then it was mentioned lots of times but never happened as people started groups or lives away and it became apparent that finding one day that we could all do was going to be tricky. I think no one wanted to step on anyones toes by suggesting a day knowing a certain person couldn't do it, atleast that's why I didn't organise it.

The one I got on best with, saw regularly and made an effort with me is moving to America for a year and I feel since finding out she no longer makes an effort. Was meant to see her today but she canceled and it just made,me think, that's probably it then. Shame.

Lilymaid Tue 06-Aug-13 19:42:58

Still friends with people from one NCT group 25 years on even though I moved out of the area over 20 years ago! We had regular meetings (on the one day when hardly any of us worked) and this progressed over the years to socials, trips away etc.

Bakingtins Tue 06-Aug-13 19:43:13

That is a shame. Still friends with all of mine 7 years on. We don't see each other that regularly any more - I see one of them all the time, the others we have a girls night every few months and have been on a weekend away once a year with everyone, but I'd still count them as friends. We met up weekly for the first year until everyone went back to work then less regularly since then, but we've kept in touch.
Now numbering 14 adults and 15 kids, we need a big venue to accommodate everyone!

iamamug Tue 06-Aug-13 19:44:06

Still going strong after nearly 20 years! A really lovely bunch of friends that I feel lucky to have met. We regularly get together as couples, boys go away together every year and us girls holidayed together this year. Luck of the draw I think but nothing happens without a bit of effort.

TheRealFellatio Tue 06-Aug-13 19:46:21

It was 20 years ago now. It went strong for around two years, then gradually people went back to work, moved away, got busy with second babies etc. I kept in (sporadic) touch with two in particular for around ten years but that eventually fizzled out too as we all ended up living in different counties.

tumbletumble Tue 06-Aug-13 19:46:43

No longer friends with any of mine 7 years on. We did stay in touch for about 4-5 years but when the DC started school and some of us moved away it got too difficult. Still, I'll always remember how great they were when DS1 was tiny and I hadn't got a clue about this mothering thing!

SunnyIntervals Tue 06-Aug-13 19:48:42

We didn't even last until the babies were 3 weeks old!! grin

9yrs on most of us still see each other ? Monthly. I think it 'helped' that none of us had nearby family help so we needed each other. We went through phase of mainly meeting in the evenings due to different preschool etc. Also sometimes meet for lunch/ in holidays. I would suggest e-mailing them and arranging night out and see whether anyone interested, if not there are plenty more opportunities to make new friends.

Oblomov Tue 06-Aug-13 19:54:27

Met with mine today. Totally lovely. 5 years on.
Ds1's just fizzled out. Bit like op's. no logical reason for it.
I think OP should have just arranged days and those that could make it, could make it. Plus if you arrange a night out, for pizza/ curry and wine, then workers can come aswell. Pointless trying to arrange a day when everyone can come, if a big group, nigh on impossible.

JambalayaCodfishPie Tue 06-Aug-13 19:55:14

I had to end it. We didn't have enough in common, and my final night out I was the butt of all the jokes. Realised I just didn't want to be around them. I lasted a year.

Its uses really lie in early-days meet ups I think. I lived for the weekly group coffee, plus additional 1:1 pairings in those first few months.

They're probably still meeting up, but I think, as others said - once people are going back to work, and the babies are older, you just don't 'need' them so much. I certainly don't miss them.

Mum friends can be found almost anywhere OP, my local sensory place has age related sessions, we bob along every now and again.

Pobblewhohasnotoes Tue 06-Aug-13 20:18:15

We still meet up after 18 months. Usually once a week if we can.

IvanaCake Tue 06-Aug-13 20:29:48

5 years on I see one of them every couple of weeks, another 2 I see semi-regularly and the other 4 I haven't seen for 18 months or so.

We all met regularly until we started having our second babies, at which point there were just too many of us to all meet up together. We've got 17 under 5s between the 8 of us now.

BikeRunSki Tue 06-Aug-13 20:30:06

Most of my group are still going strong, but my involvement with them has fizzled out, and one family has moved away. Of the main group, they all live in the sane village, so.lots if popping found, bumping into each other in the park and spontaneous stuff, and I live about 5 miles/ 20 mins drive away, so the main group bonded a lot mite than just on arranged meet ups, particularly after we started going back to work. They are also all a lot better off than us, and we just couldn't keep up with the meals out, trips away and foreign holidays. They have never been umfriendly to me, we' ve just not git much.in.common apart from our children were born within a few weeks of each other. When they were babies, that was big deal, but they are coming up 5 and it doesn' t matter so much. In the last few years we' ve always been invited to each other's birthday parties, but this year I am politely turning down the invitations. It is not fair on DS to expect him to play nicely with a group of children he doesn' t know.

Now, my Surestary friends.... I have friends I met at the local Surestart children' s centre who.I see all the time and walk over hot coals for.

shootfromthehip Tue 06-Aug-13 20:33:58

My group seems to have fizzled out- I lost touch with most of them after about 6 or so yrs. Sad but life. I was very upset for a while but then you realise that you just shouldn't have to force these things.

CMOTDibbler Tue 06-Aug-13 20:35:14

Ours never seemed to even get started tbh.

Lindt70Percent Tue 06-Aug-13 20:36:30

My group never met after the last NCT session, or if they did they didn't invite me! I remember the last session and the NCT leader suggested we all went to the pub afterwards but half the group made excuses and left and the rest weren't very friendly. I contacted the group leader after I'd had my baby and she said congratulations but that was it, I never heard how anyone else got on and have never seen them again. Very disappointing.

Pawprint Tue 06-Aug-13 20:37:06

Didn't go to an NCT Group but I never made any real friends at antenatal/postnatal class. I didn't really bond with anyone - it's a shame.

I made friends at toddler/baby group and am still friends with a couple of them now and my 'baby' just turned eleven years old.

I think the problem for me with my antenatal group was that I was the only one who said they'd had problems having a baby. When asked about worries/hopes for the pregnancy I was the only one who said they feared losing the baby. You could have heard a pin drop. The midwife looked awkward too.

Not a great experience.

cleoowen Tue 06-Aug-13 20:38:51

Wow sounds like just me then. Think it is luck of the draw really. They are all nice people, got more in common with some than other which is obvious. Did a few meet ups at peoples house/cafes at sporadic days and times so people have previously made an effort. But last one was several Weeks ago.

They all just seem slack and not bothered. We did have a night out organised by me but only two others came and then another one organised by me where only one person came. then another meet up canceled, organised by someone else, as not enough numbers. Another one has put bbq invite on facebook and only I ve replied to day we can come and visa versa for a bbq we are having. Unfortunately this is the couple going to America.

It seems busy or just not bothered and I feel like I should not be the one making all the effort and if I did no one seems to be able to come anyway.

two of us have arranged to see each other mostly on a weekly basis so guess will just have to stick with that. Shame though.

AidanTheRevengeNinja Tue 06-Aug-13 20:43:21

I chucked my group 3 months in (not in a flouncy way, just politely feigned business at each meet-up until they got the idea). We just didn't have much in common, it was very competitive, and I had better things in my life than to sit in Waitrose cafe for 3 hours a week discussing who had the heaviest/longest baby.

Not missed them at all. I have got friendly with people (People Like Me grin ) in baby groups in a much more natural, gradual way.

Xmasbaby11 Tue 06-Aug-13 20:46:01

18 months on, I see a couple of them regularly (at least every month) and as a group every 2-3 months. Most of them work part time and meet up during the week so have become closer and more in common. I work full time and envy this! I think it is really hard if you work full time. People tend to keep weekends as family time rarely go out in the evening so it's hard to find time when a few of us are free. However, we do still keep in touch and if one of us needs anything we rally round.

My thinking was that if I made one good friend, it was worth it. I tend to prefer smaller meet ups. You have a friend you see weekly, I would be happy with that!

AidanTheRevengeNinja Tue 06-Aug-13 20:51:21

Busyness, rather than business hmm

Smartiepants79 Tue 06-Aug-13 20:55:46

We are three years in and still very much in touch.
As a group we found that we were fairly similar in our outlook on life and our attitude to parenting.
During our first maternity leaves we made a big effort to get together on the same day every week. About half of us went back to work full time. Those that didn't continued to meet up every week and several of us have had second babies at similar times so we are now supporting each other through that!
As a whole group we have met up at least 3/4 times in the year. Been to each others weddings/birthdays etc and are planning a girls weekend away.
I count myself really lucky. They are great women and their support and friendship has been invaluable.
The dads all get together periodically as well!

Fizzled out after a year. Most people went back to work and then didn't seem keen on using non working days to meet us. We don't really do things in thee evening so never got going with evening meals out etc. I tried to carry it on a bit but the ones I liked less were more free than the others and I started coming away from it feeling a bit like everyone had just talked about their baby at everyone else and compared progress.
It made me feel bleurgh. So that was that.

Dc2 on the way now, I wonder if I will feel the gap. Dd is only 17 months so its all pretty recent really.

BettyandDon Tue 06-Aug-13 20:59:31

See 2 of them about monthly and another about every 3 months as she works. We don't have much in common still though. Never really gelled and my DD doesn't get much if the meets as the others are all boys. I was a bit gutted with my lot tbh. The 2 that I still see regularly are moving too to another Continent so it won't be a long term thing.

PoppyAmex Tue 06-Aug-13 21:04:27

We never got started.

I guess we were just a random collection of people with nothing in common, apart from giving birth around the same month.

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