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Lap dance at stag do

(550 Posts)
worrybynature Sun 04-Aug-13 10:16:16

I'm getting married a week today. Dp's stag was last night. He knows how I feel about strippers, and that I don't agree with it. He had a lap dance in a stretch hummer. I feel disgusted thinking about a naked woman grinding on his lap- I feel like he has been unfaithful. How do I get over this?

CVSFootPowder Sun 04-Aug-13 10:52:45

Strippers don't generally tolerate that sort of thing!

That is a very naive view of what goes on with a lot of strippers.

HellonHeels Sun 04-Aug-13 10:52:56

dear lord what a vile story sad

the best man sounds repellent. you do not have to "get over it" your P needs to make an effort to treat you properly. It doesn't sound as though he has the maturity to be making a (hopefully) lifetime commitment.

sad for you OP

ALittleStranger Sun 04-Aug-13 10:53:17

Did he really lick her? From what I know of male friends who have had lap dances that would be very, very unusual. His friends may be winding you both up.

worrybynature Sun 04-Aug-13 10:53:35

The best man def stirring with the minge licking comment! How hurtful. Apparently though the stripper did say they could touch her if they all paid £10

Ledkr Sun 04-Aug-13 10:53:46

Oh dear what a nightmare.
It's a big thing to call the wedding off this late but at the same time the fact he has mates with this appalling attitude would concern me more. That and the fact that he's not in anyway trying to understand how you feel about it and make amends.
This is not the kind of man I'd want to marry tbh.
Can you stay with a mate for a few days to get some thinking time.
Maybe you could tell him you will be checking out a few hit guys while you are away and giving their cocks a quick suck just for your own pleasure

Cheeseatmidnight Sun 04-Aug-13 10:55:35

This is really horrible for you as you feel like this about strippers and he knew. Did the best man know he was not supposed to organise a stripper?

Just to put the cat amongst the pigeons... If your dp hadn't made your position clear to his friends then a stripper climbs into the limo and surprises your dp, he would have found it virtually impossible to stop it.

I know he should stopped it and I know he has disrespected your wishes, but he didn't book it.

ALittleStranger Sun 04-Aug-13 10:55:40

Personally I wouldn't class this as cheating. I hate stripping and lap dances as I think they're degrading and misgynistic, but it's not cheating. I'd view it the same as if my DP had abused a homeless person for a "laugh" on a night out, or used a racial slur.

newforest Sun 04-Aug-13 10:56:02

Did he really do what the best man said he did, or was he just winding you up because he knows you wouldn't like it? A stripper wouldn't bother me in the slightest, but actual contact certainly would! That's not on.

MaBumble Sun 04-Aug-13 10:56:32

Oh I'm so sorry. My DH went on a stag do (his brothers) and it ended up in a lap dancing club, before were married.I was really upset. I surprised myself how hurt I was. It took a bit of time, tears and a lot of talking - but eventually he got it. There was no stag (or hen) do before our wedding - we did have a good night out with friends.

I didn't spell it out, but lap dance = no wedding.

If you do decide to go through with it - and I'm guessing that will all depend on his actions now, get rid of that bastard of a best man, he should no longer be invited.

That was deliberate shit stirring, the complete and utter arse hole!

Ledkr Sun 04-Aug-13 10:56:32

Imagine what type of prick is so desperate to touch a woman's fanny and boobs that they'd pay a tenner to do so?
All men aren't like this you know op.
maybe you need to wait for a decent one to come along.

worrybynature Sun 04-Aug-13 10:58:24

Best man knew my feelings. So did DP. I agree that dp didn't have a choice to look at the stripper as she was in the limo, but he did have a choice about her getting on top of him. She also tried to pull his trousers down.
Dp says he would have no problem if a male stripper put his naked willy in my face and gyrated on my lap?! But I wouldn't want to do that as I love dp?

EvaBeaversProtege Sun 04-Aug-13 10:58:45

I couldn't marry this man & try to build a marriage on this foundation.

One week before his wedding & he's in the back of a car with a stripper. No way.

And I'd describe myself as easygoing & open minded but no way would I be tying myself to a man who licked someone else's genitals!!!!

dontputaringonit Sun 04-Aug-13 10:58:51

Is your DP remorseful OP? Sorry I can't tell

shameshame Sun 04-Aug-13 10:59:52

Eva - think we have established it is highly unlikely he licked her genitals! Just the stags trying to wind up OP!

Ezio Sun 04-Aug-13 11:00:39

That lapdance, although so degrading isnt the issue, its the downright nasty shittiness, and your idiot groom didnt say a word to stop it.

I'd tell your groom, that he needs to lose the best man or no wedding.

TurnipCake Sun 04-Aug-13 11:01:23

Dp says he would have no problem if a male stripper put his naked willy in my face and gyrated on my lap?!

Hahaha, of course he wouldn't hmm

OP, it sounds like you need to not be in the same space as these two at the moment, do you have a supportive friend or family member you could go to for a couple of days just to clear your head and not be around the toxic bullshit they're trying to feed you.

worrybynature Sun 04-Aug-13 11:01:32

Dp says he is sorry, but that's all very well to say it isn't it! He still did it 12 hours ago? He kept saying sorry, but it's happened we need to move on... But why do it in the first place?!

BellEndTent Sun 04-Aug-13 11:01:56

I would see this as carte Blanche to go out one night and have some fun with a naked man. Even if you don't fancy doing this, I'd certainly suggest to him that you might.

EvaBeaversProtege Sun 04-Aug-13 11:02:02

And actually, a stripper in a club I might be able to 'get over' but climbing into the back of a car & practically sitting in his face, I couldn't.

CVSFootPowder Sun 04-Aug-13 11:02:04

Dp says he would have no problem if a male stripper put his naked willy in my face and gyrated on my lap?!

How terribly reasonable of him! What about getting your minge licked? You licking strippers balls?He's ok with that too is he?
Look he is going to say whatever he can to minimise this.

The issue here is whether or not you can get past this. And I agree with those who say the best man shouldn't be in the wedding.
And I am still very surprised that they're all talking about this, most guys keep it as quiet as they can.

worrybynature Sun 04-Aug-13 11:02:29

Even my mum is of the attitude that this is just a right of passage for the stag and I need to get over it!

TurnipCake Sun 04-Aug-13 11:03:47

Indeed, what exactly are they getting out of this by bringing it up, taunting you about it, minimising and telling you to get over it, all in the space of a few hours that you've know? That is beyond cruel.

shameshame Sun 04-Aug-13 11:04:24

'why do it in the first place?'

In short: shitloads of alcohol and a bunch of dick mates.

lottieandmia Sun 04-Aug-13 11:04:57

Poor you OP sad I'd be gutted

TurnipCake Sun 04-Aug-13 11:05:09

Sigh, some people still have the 'Boys will be boys' attitude in this day and age, OP. You need space to seriously think about whether you want to legally commit to someone in wake of all this new information you have about him.

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