Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide, which can point you to expert advice and support.

Ex lets himself into my house, 99% sure of it.

(116 Posts)

My ex just came round to deliver his maintenance - the princely sum of £10 a week (and he always want to know what it will be spent on, as if I might lavishly blow it all on £10 worth of cocaine and diamonds...)

I saw him get out of his car - and walk straight round the back of the house, where he would have noticed the kitchen window open and the smell of our dinner cooking in the oven. So he walked back round and knocked.

We are normally out on a Saturday afternoon... The other relevant piece of information is that he has a key to the back door. I know this because I gave him a copy for emergencies when we were together, but he would use it to just let himself in anytime, so I took it back. From the amused look on his face when he handed it over, I suspected he'd had a copy made. Now I'm 99.999% sure he did.

I feel violated in a way, that he probably comes for a snoop around when we're not here. But there is no point saying anything, as he'd make such a fuss about being unfairly accused it's not worth it. I wish I could have caught him letting himself in.

Should I just get in the habit of leaving a key in the back door when we go out, to stop him getting in? Is there anything better I can do?

WhiteandGreen Sun 04-Aug-13 01:31:07

You don't want to be in a position of putting spy cameras up in your own home. Just put a bolt on the back door.

WhiteandGreen Sun 04-Aug-13 01:31:59

You don't want the drama of catching him, you just want him to stop.

PedantMarina Sun 04-Aug-13 02:18:11

Am I reading this right? On paper, he's unemployed? Yet he's getting cash-in-hand jobs?

If so, I think the CSA should be your SECOND phone call, the first being: 0800 854 440 or online

Has it occurred to you that if he's letting himself in to your house, your computer may be hacked, etc? Please also get a friend who's Very Good with Computers to have a look over.

Finally, may I ask where you can even get cocaine and diamonds for only £10? It's, errm, for a friend's birthday, yeah, that's it.

Caster8 Sun 04-Aug-13 07:51:13

What is wornf with proof WhiteandGreen? Better than not knowing and wondering.

Caster8 Sun 04-Aug-13 07:51:41

wrong not wornf!

TweedWasSoLastYear Sun 04-Aug-13 09:20:35

Just buy 2 second class stamps and lick them and fix them across the door and the frame , either high up or low down.
Colour them with a felt tip if they stand out like a sore thumb.
They will tear apart if he comes in when your out.
Otherwise , change lock front and back plus make sure they are BS3621 locks as your contents insurance probably requires them.

If you can deadlock your front door and leave all the windows closed then just lean a book against the back door.It will be impossible for him to re-lean it from the outside when he leaves unless he goes out the front door - deadlocked with a Chubb , or a window - will have to be left open as cant be latched down from outside

clam Sun 04-Aug-13 09:53:11

Why does she need to faff about with stamps/sellotape on door jambs and so on? That would only confirm what she already knows, that he's been coming into her house.

And PedantMarina, the cocaine and diamnonds reference was a joke, right?

PedantMarina Sun 04-Aug-13 11:19:55

clam (mmmm, clams, gglllhhhhh >drool<): Of course it was.

burberryqueen Sun 04-Aug-13 11:24:48

cheapest and easiest just to fit a bolt to the back door surely?

LadyMilfordHaven Sun 04-Aug-13 11:30:24

Lol at insistence on second class stamps.

clam Sun 04-Aug-13 11:38:16

No, I meant the OP's original reference to it of course was. Your post seemed to indicate you had taken it seriously.
Seems not though.

You're right, I have ordered some sash jammers for the back door, I like the security aspect of them anyway (having read how easy it is for thieves to break a cylinder lock), and in the meantime I'm just leaving a key turned in the lock when I'm out.

He's not claiming benefits, he didn't like the having to look for work part of Jobseekers, so just stopped claiming.

And he won't have hacked anything, he's techno-clueless, plus I have password protection on my computer.

Rooners Sun 04-Aug-13 15:12:19

Clam I think the point is that she needs to confirm he's coming in before she can take decisive action to keep him out, and/or report him to the rozzers.

PedantMarina Sun 04-Aug-13 23:19:15

Clam I have no idea what cocaine and diamonds cost. I'm more of a fan of emeralds, and none I've seen lately cost about £10.

And I've [almost] never had to pay for cocaine (the main era I knew about it was about 3 decades and 4 dress sizes ago), so don't know for sure, but suspect it wasn't £10 even then, let alone now.

So, if you just misunderstood that I was propping up OP's sense of humour, well, I'm sad. You&I seem to be on several threads where our thinking is similar, so I don't generally believe you think I'm That Stupid (or, indeed, that You're That Stupid). In which case, I just have to believe and (if not necc respect) completely dig that you typed that post-gin.

clam Mon 05-Aug-13 00:24:10

OK, OK, hands up. I was being a pratt. Sorry grin

PedantMarina Thu 08-Aug-13 16:13:24

Clam, I'm only upset because you didn't share the gin. I think you can get kicked off Mumsnet for that and failing to give MNHQ their cut

Join the discussion

Join the discussion

Registering is free, easy, and means you can join in the discussion, get discounts, win prizes and lots more.

Register now