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Ex lets himself into my house, 99% sure of it.

(116 Posts)

My ex just came round to deliver his maintenance - the princely sum of £10 a week (and he always want to know what it will be spent on, as if I might lavishly blow it all on £10 worth of cocaine and diamonds...)

I saw him get out of his car - and walk straight round the back of the house, where he would have noticed the kitchen window open and the smell of our dinner cooking in the oven. So he walked back round and knocked.

We are normally out on a Saturday afternoon... The other relevant piece of information is that he has a key to the back door. I know this because I gave him a copy for emergencies when we were together, but he would use it to just let himself in anytime, so I took it back. From the amused look on his face when he handed it over, I suspected he'd had a copy made. Now I'm 99.999% sure he did.

I feel violated in a way, that he probably comes for a snoop around when we're not here. But there is no point saying anything, as he'd make such a fuss about being unfairly accused it's not worth it. I wish I could have caught him letting himself in.

Should I just get in the habit of leaving a key in the back door when we go out, to stop him getting in? Is there anything better I can do?

newbiefrugalgal Sat 03-Aug-13 13:19:06

Change the locks. If he asks why just say it jammed and wouldn't work.
The cost is worth your piece of mind.
Maybe save up his £10 payments! sad) sad)

Change the lock? At least you'd know he couldn't get in then. Give a spare key to a trusted friend or neighbour for emergencies.

WeightyKaty Sat 03-Aug-13 13:20:03

Why can't he transfer they money straight to your bank? Why is it such a pathetic amount!

eurochick Sat 03-Aug-13 13:20:15

Just change the lock. It shouldn't cost much.

VodkaJelly Sat 03-Aug-13 13:20:19

You can either change the lock and stop him from getting in or rig up a cctv camera in your kitchen and see if he does enter your house.

Have you had any feelings before that somebody had been in the house? Things moved or something "not feeling right". I always know when some one has been in the house (DC's popped home when I was out).

If he has been entering the house then ring the police

cocolepew Sat 03-Aug-13 13:20:36

Change the lock without telling him.

ProphetOfDoom Sat 03-Aug-13 13:21:04

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shellywelly1973 Sat 03-Aug-13 13:21:36

Change the locks!?

Tell ex to get lost & pay his so called 'maintenance' into a bank account.

Seriously take some control!

Passthesaltdear Sat 03-Aug-13 13:21:43

Change locks and report him to police for burglary

Mum2Fergus Sat 03-Aug-13 13:23:29

Change the lock...or when you go out leave your key in the back door so he can get his in properly from outside. There is always the old cello tape a hair across the door somewhere unobtrusive and see if its still intact when you get back trick smile

Bant Sat 03-Aug-13 13:24:15

Before you go to the expense of changing the locks, can't you do something like put a piece of sellotape or wet tissue paper or something across the inside of the door you think he uses and leave via the other door? That way he'd unknowingly break it and you'd know for sure that someone had come in through that door.

Changing locks is expensive, you might as well get proof first

Apileofballyhoo Sat 03-Aug-13 13:24:28

Or get a bolt fixed to the inside of the door and bolt it when you go out. (Might be cheaper than changing the lock.)

Yup change the lock. Both infact. If you think he has been snooping around could he have had access to a spare front door key?

I wouldn't even bother accusing him. He won't be able to say anything about it because why should he know about the lock being changed if he doesn't have a key.

Alternatively, and I've done this on a cupboard outside my flat. A rape alarm, attach the pull cord to the door and the alarm part to the frame. If someone opens the door it will trigger. Should give him a shiter if anything!

AnyFucker Sat 03-Aug-13 13:25:54

Why does he have to deliver the tenner in person ?

This isn't 1979

Supertrooper88 Sat 03-Aug-13 13:25:59

Ideally change the lock and you don't need to say anything unless he asks and then make something up like it jamming. A cheaper or short term option would be to put a bolt or two on the door but you would need to remember to use them.

Why give your ex a key for emergencies??

Get a bolt and give the front door key as a spare to someone else.

cozietoesie Sat 03-Aug-13 13:29:03

I find it hard to imagine officially why he not only has to deliver it in person but why it has to be done on a weekly basis.

Tell him you'd like £40 a month transferred to your bank - and change the locks.

McBalls Sat 03-Aug-13 13:29:53

Absolutely change the lock, but I wouldn't do it til after next weeks maintenance drop-off.
I'd ask friend/mum to have dc, slip into convo that i'd be out if poss, and then just wait in with a good book.
I would have to know, and know that he knows he'd been caught. And then I think I'd go to the police.

Passthesaltdear Sat 03-Aug-13 13:30:05

gringringrinAt Anyfucker

LilyBossom Sat 03-Aug-13 13:32:20

change the lock and go to the CSA?

Anniegetyourgun Sat 03-Aug-13 13:32:38

Well obviously he has to deliver the tenner in person so he can accompany it with a speech about what is acceptable to spend it on. OP admits herself she has a cocaine and diamonds habit. (Er, did I read that right?)

I say unless you're really, really poor, spend a couple of his own tenners getting the back door lock changed. There's a certain poetic justice about it, and peace of mind is priceless.

McBalls Sat 03-Aug-13 13:33:13

And yes, absolutely put a stop to dropping money round in person.
I wouldn't be surprised if he were the sort of inadequate prick who just won't bother if he doesn't get to dictate the way things are done but tbh I'd rather not have the money if it meant having someone like that in my personal space on a weekly basis.

scarletforya Sat 03-Aug-13 13:36:56

Such a pity there wasn't a large hairy man, bollock naked stirring the dinner.

Change the locks and tell him to lodge the money.

Ezio Sat 03-Aug-13 13:39:14

I think you might be right, but you need to make sure first, put some sellotape over the door, if its broken or unstuck, the door has been used,

also if insists on bringing it around, why not post it, also if he leaves it when your not there, where does he leave the money.

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