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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Finally happened. Drunk driving PIL in drunk driving crash

118 replies

Mixxy · 02/08/2013 05:18

At the worst possible time, the script-written inevitable happened. Lover of driving after a few FIL hit a crash rail on the UWS HW and was rear-ended by the driver behind. His car is a wreck.

Both him and MIL are okay. A few cracked ribs, whip lash, shock etc.
They were driving home after sitting Shiva with a few gins. All FILs fault. DH is still in shiva : I'm not Jewish so I tend to just help with food and stuff. Get a call around 10.30pm to ask for help at the hospital. When I arrived I was told, "anybody but you, you're just so judgy.

No other family members showed up to help. That was 3 hours ago.

OP posts:

Report

LoveBeingItsABoy · 02/08/2013 05:24

Are you still there and Tgey are still refusing help? If so go home.

evelynj · 02/08/2013 05:28

Ah, it's not good but at least no bad injuries. Same. Thing happened to a close friend of mine a few weeks back-she has a drink problem & it was a regular thing the drunk driving-couldnt talk sense into her so I'm quite glad that she'll not have a licence for a while.

No need for you to be 'judgy', (what a horrid thing to say to someone who's come to help), hopefully he'll see some sense when the sentencing goes through.

Practically will they be ok? Does mil drive? If not then you my have to think about how much assistance you are ready, willing & able to give them long term. Fwiw I think as part of the 'punishment' that things shouldn't be made too easy for someone after a drink driving offence.

Hope everyone's ok....

Mixxy · 02/08/2013 05:32

We have history on this issue! It was MIL who called me judgy. Shes 80 something!

Nobody else even picking up and me with my 5 month old at the ER as literally everybody else we know is sitting shiva.

Really insulted.

OP posts:

Trazzletoes · 02/08/2013 05:39

I'm sorry for your loss.

So glad that no one was hurt, though it does sound as if their pride was sorely dented and that's most likely why they reacted like they did.

I hope they got a lot more polite in the intervening hours if you stayed.

hesterton · 02/08/2013 05:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mixxy · 02/08/2013 05:58

Nobody has phones on at the watch. BIL and SIL live like about 2 hours away, have work in the morning etc. After work will be a big deal tomorrow for sundown at the Shiva as well. I'm stuck with inlaws for a while. Baby is sleeping. I'm going gome jow but will have to deal with police matyers tomorrow as FIL blew over the limit. Jusy so fucking furious right now I could pop a child's baloon.

OP posts:

Chubfuddler · 02/08/2013 06:07

Let your husband deal with them, they're his parents.

And do not drive them anywhere whilst he is without a licence. "Anyone but you". Fucking cow. Let her walk.

Mixxy · 02/08/2013 06:15

DH cannot leave Shiva right now. Its one of his best mates who died and they are expected VERY MUCH to do at least 24 if not 48 hours there. I responded because I keep my phone on.

I'm at home now, but have to arrange to be there for my FIL and his bedsid www fucking arrest tomorrow. He is 83!!!

The reason they don't want me there is because I can barely contain my rage to scream " I told you so"!!!!

OP posts:

Longdistance · 02/08/2013 06:16

I agree. Let your dh deal with it.

Let the old buggers stew in hospital and deal with the police then.

Are these the ils who wanted to drive your dc in the car to an Indepedance day party, and have a few?

Maybe they can learn a lesson even in their old age. And don't give them a lift 'anyone but you'.

Kassett · 02/08/2013 06:19

I feel sorry for you that you have selfish and idiotic parents in law who think it's okay to drink and drive and put others lives at risk.

Chubfuddler · 02/08/2013 06:20

Screw them then. Why do you need to be there if they don't want you and are so rude? They're being cared for medically, I'm sure they are capable of ringing a lawyer if they need one and when they get discharged they can ring a cab. Leave them to it.

And I would in no way resist the urge to say "I told you so". People like them kill people. They're lucky they didn't.

pollywollydoodle · 02/08/2013 06:22

consequences ...

drunk driving+dh not available+you no longer available=tough, PIL sort police,transport out yourselves

Cabrinha · 02/08/2013 06:32

Leave them to it. Why do you even need to be there? He's over 18 so can deal with his own arrest. Transportation - call a cab. Those are nasty injuries at that age, but they'll live.
Hope the driver that rear ended then is OK. Don't give a toss about them - they got what they deserved.

Mixxy · 02/08/2013 06:36

Yes longdistance these are the 4th of July PIL.

I passed the bar in NY State, but I am far from legal rep. I worked om finance.

When I tell DH, all hell is going to break loose. This has been out joint concern for over two years. Where are my BIL and SIL!!!

Cops can arrest him. I'm just sorry my less injured MIL is 'staying by his bedside'.

OP posts:

OctopusPete8 · 02/08/2013 06:45

I would leave them to it,

and if your DH wonders why you didn;t stay tell them how rude she was, considering no-one else turned p,

So sorry, OP not nice to deal with.

SpecialAgentCuntSnake · 02/08/2013 06:47

Hopefully given his age he won't be able to reapply?

I read your 4th of July thread... Are they even sorry they could have very easily killed someone?!

Longdistance · 02/08/2013 07:14

I doubt they were sorry. With comments like 'anyone but you'. I hope your dh goes ballistic at them. They deserve it. And I hope fil never gets his license back, it'll serve him right.

Horrible people.

Walkacrossthesand · 02/08/2013 07:20

If your DHs phone is off, maybe you should turn yours off too for a while, just check it periodically for any calls/txts from non-PIL related people. As PP said, they are adults and perfectly capable of sorting out the mess they've got themselves into - besides, doesnt sound like they'll want you around anyway! Sorry your DH's best mate died.

ComtesseDeFrouFrou · 02/08/2013 07:23

I get the sense that you haven't actually said "I told you so" OP, although of course your face might have said it got you (I know mine would have) so, to be honest, they have got off extremely lightly.

In my family, this would have resulted in a massive shit storm on the guilty party, never mind the criminal consequences. In fact, I am pretty sure that my DF would have told to let them get on with it and not help at all.

ClartyCarol · 02/08/2013 07:28

Why do you have to be there for bedside arrest and whatever else? Seriously. Obviously they are in shock and all the rest of it but they've made it plain they don't want you there so I'd just go tbh. What can you do there? You hanging around seems odd under the circumstances.

And, no, you don't have to deal with police matters. They have brought this upon themselves.

ImTooHecsyForYourParty · 02/08/2013 07:46

Leave them to it. They deserve whatever they get.
I am only glad nobody else was injured.
Don't try to help them in any way.

FondantNancy · 02/08/2013 07:53

Take your baby and go home, OP. These people were nothing but rude to you over the matter of their precious party and your 'uptight' refusal to drink and drive.

They are bloody lucky they didn't kill anyone, my face would've had "told you so" written all over it. They don't deserve your help, leave them to their family.

I hope FIL never gets another licence.

tribpot · 02/08/2013 08:02

I can't understand why you're staying. They don't want your help, and they deserve to be dealt with by the police, whatever their age. I agree with Walkacrossthesand, turn your phone off and leave them to it.

merrymouse · 02/08/2013 08:02

They are very lucky they didn't kill somebody. Do what you feel you should for your own benefit, however, if they don't want you there I think it's fine to leave them to it.

wickeddevil · 02/08/2013 08:04

Is there any chance they might be more remorseful when they have sobered up? I read your 4 th July post so am prepared for a no on this one, but thought I'd ask.
Your PIL clearly have a drink problem and now they will have a transport problem.
You have the right to be utterly pissed off with them, and I hope you have someone in RL to vent at, while your DH isn't around. If not please vent here. I can only imagine how angry you must be.....
The situation does validate your view that PIL should not drive your DC anywhere. Ever.
Over to you DH on his return I think.

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