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Am I being emotionally abused very confused :/

(150 Posts)
Inthefog Thu 01-Aug-13 09:30:40

Hello
I'm a member but have name changed for this.
My husband has basically been caught cyber cheating on me a few times these were a few years ago but i only found out recently.
He was also flirting and messaging women at work all this info was drop fed to me over the past two years.
Which is why I think I'm still here he is the last person you would think would cheat although he says he never cheated physically the stuff I read and found was disgusting.
February he smashed the house up because I went out without him smashed up my things.
Recently his behaviour has gotten worse he constantly checks my phone and logs into my Facebook accuses me of having affairs and looking at other men.
A few nights ago I went out to watch a show and he said he wanted sex when I got home , my younger sister wanted to stay over and he went ballistic like a lunatic going mad saying 'he wanted pussy' and how would he get it with my sister here. He argued on me for a good hour over this in the end my sister did not stay.

When I got home he got out of bed and sat waiting for me I said I didn't want it had been at work all day and had been out and was tired but he jus wouldn't listen said he wanted it etc. I ended up just walking upstairs like a robot and lay there I didn't want it an after he goes that doesn't count what just happened you made me feel like I raped you.
The sex thing is a constant thing that happens I say no but he still gets his way and I end up doing it.

He blows up for the slightest thing he's meant to be going out next week with his friends and our children are staying in Wales with their nan I said I might go out to but he just went mental over it saying I can't go
Out. I'm taking the piss thinking I can go
Out again and he would rather us go out together instead as he feels he can't go out now as he will be worrying where I am all night.
We went to a wedding and he accused me of looking a other men all might an had a huge row when we got home.

He never used to be like this but since I caught him out with his cheating he's just getting worse he actually told me the other day he wa going to burn my face with acid if I leave him so I'm scarred for life.
He made out it was a joke afterwards but it was far from funny to me. He sits there staring at me even while I watch TV and when I ask him to stop he says he does it because I'm so beautiful.
The other night we were watching something and a woman was being drowned and again he said he was going to do that to me.
Just last night he Said if I ever leave him thy he will stab me in the face.
I went to bed early and he was moaning about that and started arguing on me again about next weekend he said its my fault and I know how to push his buttons.

I start to dread him coming home he's like a man possessed with me I'm so bloody embarrassed I don't know how it's got to this after ten years together.
I feel like its maybe this is normal and Im blowing it up an making it worse than what it is.
I never thought I would stay with someone who cheated like this but thought we could get past it but if anything his behaviour has got worse.

He blows up over the slightest thing I do that upsets him an he he said he's wrote down everytime I've gone out. He really treats me likes sex object a lot to and says derogatory things to me.
He's not the man I married I'm 27 now I feel trapped I just want to get out but I've got no where to go and he puts on such a nice act all the time I'm really confused of what he's doing is normal or not.

I know this is a ramble but had to tell someone what's going on thank you

Inthefog Thu 01-Aug-13 10:32:12

I don't like him being around me he goes at me asks why I'm quiet and why am I in a mood it's constant I can't get a moments peace he's in my face all the time. I don't know why he's being like this he's off work for a week next week and I'm dreading it I know he will just harass me all day.

Inthefog Thu 01-Aug-13 10:35:29

I want to get out but don't have much money I don't like the thought of a refuge I was in and out of them as a child as my stepdad was abusive. I don't know where to go my mom has three teenagers at home still.

colditz Thu 01-Aug-13 10:36:10

He can't harass you if you're not there.

He's going to hurt you, and he'll probably do it in front of the kids.

colditz Thu 01-Aug-13 10:38:02

You won't be in a refuge long. And can I say how completely unsurprised I am that you grew up watching your mum being abused? Because a NORMAL reaction to your husnads behavior would be to leave immediately and inform the police, and don't allow lone contact with the children, and yet you're not doing any of that yet.

Hassled Thu 01-Aug-13 10:40:00

A refuge has to be better than the life you're living at the moment. And it won't be forever.
I agree that it sounds like his mental health is fairly rapidly deteriorating - please just get out of there.

Inthefog Thu 01-Aug-13 11:20:55

Thank you yes your right I grew up in an environment that was not healthy. Didn't think it would happen to me.
I am going to leave because I think next weekend when he gets home he will do something after a drink.

Inthefog Thu 01-Aug-13 11:21:54

Thankyou for your support it's good to get validation that it's not right what he's doing.

StickyProblem Thu 01-Aug-13 11:26:29

It really isn't nothing inthefog it sounds awful sad . Get out of there as soon as possible. xx

MaMaPo Thu 01-Aug-13 11:34:29

OP you sounds so deep in this and it has come on so gradually that you're having trouble seeing your situation clearly.

Telling other people, telling the police, contacting Women's Aid, planning to leave, staying in a refuge - all of this must feel very scary. But what you've written down is truly scary, and you're living it every day.

Please make plans quickly and quietly to leave. Do not tell him about them. Make sure the police know about his threats. NEVER feel like you can't call the police if he really becomes frightening or makes you feel scared for your safety.

This society has become very good at making domestic violence feel like a problem only for the victim - what's behind closed doors etc. But you should not have to live like this and it is not your problem how he feels if he loses you and his children due to his abusive behaviour.

You are worth more than how he is making you feel. Please act quickly. Thank you for being brave enough to come on here and ask these questions - you have done the right thing.

Good luck.

Inthefog Thu 01-Aug-13 11:44:29

I'm packing now I'm going today speaking to you guys made a switch go off hope I'm making the right move but can take anymore of this life x

SunshineBossaNova Thu 01-Aug-13 11:53:01

Hello lovely have just seen this thread. Best of luck OP, you don't deserve this abuse flowers

Well done. You are doing the right thing, for you and for your children.

thistlelicker Thu 01-Aug-13 11:55:04

Op u must let us know if u need anything

YvyB Thu 01-Aug-13 11:58:38

Yes, op, I think he could physically hurt you. It starts as words, then you get a raised fist, then its a push (cos that doesnt count as violence, does it?) And that is physical abuse. Please get out. Get your children out and get out.

YvyB Thu 01-Aug-13 11:59:53

Just seen you're going to leave. Well done. That is the best gift you could ever give your children. Please let us know you are safe.

Madlizzy Thu 01-Aug-13 12:04:44

The very best of luck to you and stay safe. When you're gone, get a new sim card for your phone so he can't contact you. x

FairyThunderthighs Thu 01-Aug-13 12:11:17

It's so so sad that people live like this, thinking it's probably normal so they should just put up with it. sad

Hope you are making a plan to leave now OP. It will be the best thing you ever do, I promise.

Pozzled Thu 01-Aug-13 12:12:54

OP please do leave, but make sure you seek help very quickly- women's aid and the police. This man has threatened to harm you, do not underestimate him or assume it was just something he wad saying. Once you're away from him, you need to make absolutely sure that you don't put yourself in a vulnerable position- don't meet with him 'to talk', don't believe any promises that he might make of changing. And see a solicitor very quickly about arranging supervised access to the DCs- I wouldn't want him taking them off on his own.

I'm sorry to scare you, but as an outsider reading your posts is chilling. This excuse for a man sounds dangerous.

Pozzled Thu 01-Aug-13 12:13:19

OP please do leave, but make sure you seek help very quickly- women's aid and the police. This man has threatened to harm you, do not underestimate him or assume it was just something he wad saying. Once you're away from him, you need to make absolutely sure that you don't put yourself in a vulnerable position- don't meet with him 'to talk', don't believe any promises that he might make of changing. And see a solicitor very quickly about arranging supervised access to the DCs- I wouldn't want him taking them off on his own.

I'm sorry to scare you, but as an outsider reading your posts is chilling. This excuse for a man sounds dangerous.

Jan45 Thu 01-Aug-13 12:17:11

Well done on leaving, what's the plans? The guy needs locked up, he sounds like a complete psychopath.

Inthefog Thu 01-Aug-13 12:20:47

My mom is coming now to get my stuff for me I'm staying there tonight and going from there.
I'm not going back this is it Thankyou everyone in scared but Im following my instinct here I fear he will do something to me if I stay.

SlightlyItchyBraStrap Thu 01-Aug-13 12:25:04

Saw this thread earlier, was coming back to tell you to get out without delay. So glad you have done. Hope you stay safe and do update if you need support.

Don't post your plans here - they can only put you at risk.
Best of luck with everything - don't let anyone on the outside tell you that you've done the wrong thing

GoSuckEggs Thu 01-Aug-13 12:27:33

.

colditz Thu 01-Aug-13 12:33:33

Don't forget birth certificates, bank statements, passports, driving licences and other car details, child benefit number proof, any wage slips. You'll need these if you need to claim benefits.

Stay in touch with MN, many people here have been in your shoes.

In the next few days he will promise to change, then probably threaten to kill himself if you don't let him take his children somewhere away from you. Neither of these is likely, what is likely is that he will kidnap them, so pleeeease don't let them go

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