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Fuck Buddies can anyone tell me ?

(120 Posts)
Honeysucklerose Thu 01-Aug-13 06:55:30

Been wondering and what is it that is required when someone has a Fuck Buddy ?, curious really not come across this before.

goodasitgets Fri 02-Aug-13 13:43:06

I know. I try not to think how long it's been because I feel old. Technically it's only 13 years of sex but we first kissed age 13...

Honeysucklerose Fri 02-Aug-13 13:44:05

Thank goodness Goodasitgets, you are fortunate and nothing to blush about it obvouisly works for both of you !

Honeysucklerose Fri 02-Aug-13 13:45:14

Aww sounds like you have known one another for a long time lovely !

goodasitgets Fri 02-Aug-13 13:45:50

Yeah it's a v odd situation. It's not emotionless, I've had sex that isn't at all emotional before and it's not like that with him, we are very loving and laugh together etc

Viviennemary Fri 02-Aug-13 13:48:48

This might all sound very well and a good idea all round. But there have been a few threads when relationships have started out this way and then one person wants more. Personally, I think it's a recipe for disaster.

Missbopeep Fri 02-Aug-13 13:50:05

Dahlen you need to do some research on this. It's out there if you want to look but be warned that even amongst the experts there are some differences of opinion.

I think the OP started the thread to ask about FB. These are different IMO to FWB.

The latter are friendships or casual non exclusive relationships that might develop and might not, and include sex. I find it hard to understand how most relationships don't begin like that unless each person says what they want and don't want at the beginning- and even then we all know how feelings change.

A FB on the other hand again solely IMO is someone you meet with the intention of having sex with, you might have a drink/chat etc, but in between you don't think about each other, there are no emotions involved and no possibility of a relationship.

I have to admit I don't know many people who have been in either of those camps. Those that I do know were sometimes getting over a long relationship and really wanted casual sex with NS. But it's very hard to be sure that both people want that because no matter what people say at the start, feelings can change. I've known men who had FB or FWBs and the women turned into bunny boilers, and I'm sure the same thing happens the other way round.

Wishihadabs Fri 02-Aug-13 13:55:58

Who said the sex was emotionless. Obviously I wouldn't have sex with someone I didn't fancy and get on with at some level. But it feels less honest to manufacture an exclusive relationship just because you enjoy each other's company than just to get it together when you both feel like it.confused. In more than one case we were both coming out of long term relationships and a bit of friendly cuddles and sex was just what the doctor ordered. smile.

It goes without saying I always practice safe sex unless I know someone's HIV status.

DiaryOfAWimpyMum Fri 02-Aug-13 13:59:44

I don't know if mine was a FB or FWB but I used to meet up with a guy, I knew there would never be anything else other than us meeting for sex, we were (online) friends, hen after 5/6 months I drove to have sex with him meet him

he lives 50 miles away and I don't want a relationship with him and he doesn't want one with me and I got bored driving to see him tbh so havent seen him for almost a year, he still texts now and then but I cbarsed.

I find on dating sites most men are looking for this. It's okay if you're not looking to get involved.

Missbopeep Fri 02-Aug-13 14:02:25

I don't think anyone said the sex was emotionless.

I think what I and other people meant was that you didn't develop feelings for that person. In other words 'love' was never an option, or missing them, or wondering what they were doing, and wanting to be with them more than you currently were.

I doubt I could be a FB or a FWB because I've only ever had sex with men I've really, really liked and want to spend more time with- and who are available for something more than sex.

If though my circumstances ever changed and I was single, as a very mature woman, who didn't ever want to re-marry or co-habit, then I might consider it, but I still keep coming back to the fact that I fancy very few men and they have to do it for me intellectually as well as physically.

goodasitgets Fri 02-Aug-13 14:03:27

Someone further up thread mentioned emotional attachment, I was just posting in regard to my situation smile

goodasitgets Fri 02-Aug-13 14:04:55

I get you now smile
I've had men that I've fancied more and felt more for but somehow the sex seemed more clinical? Odd stuff love and sex and relationships!

Missbopeep Fri 02-Aug-13 14:09:32

Ok.

I'm afraid I can't understand how sex is an appetite waiting to be satisfied like other appetites, and not involve some emotional attachment.

Getting your kit off and being that intimate with someone is a pretty big thing , imo, [ as it was in a piece written by sex expert Suzy Godson, and I wish I could find the piece!].

I don't know how people can do it, as if it was just having a cup of coffee. I am pretty sure that in general men can do this more easily than women, and I'm also pretty sure that a lot of online dating is based on this, especially with men who are not really available for a relationship ( ie married, committed or just players.)

scrazy Fri 02-Aug-13 14:10:08

I've had FB's in the past, although we didn't call it that. The ones I didn't dump after a few weeks I got hurt by. Feelings developed and the only wanted me for a shag, horrible situation, but I was young and got over it.

Had what the guy thought was a FWB situation recently, again my feeling developed and I wanted to be his gf, he wanted to see other people, horrible situation and not sure I can get over this one.

moomoo1967 Fri 02-Aug-13 14:10:08

My experience of one was when I got chatting to a bloke on POF, we met up for a drink. Neither of us wanted a full blown relationship but we did want to have a bit of fun now and again. It suited us both at the time, he never used to sleep over. We just used to meet when DD was at school. The fact that he ran his own business probably helped with that. He always said that if I met somone not to worry about him, which is eventually what happened. And 5 years later I am still with the bloke that I met. It was all very amicable. I would say that the situation doesn't harm anyone as long as a FB is what you both want and no emotional attachment develops from either side.

goodasitgets Fri 02-Aug-13 14:11:44

I respect him, and I love him as in I've known him since we were 13, like anyone I've known for that long I would be upset if anything happened to him. I don't know if I'm in love with him, I really don't. But our situation is more complicated than most FWB/FB

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 02-Aug-13 14:12:31

Honeysuckle, reading between the lines on your post (please stop me if I'm wrong!) it sounds like you want a relationship but are scared of being abused again, which of course is a genuine fear and one which is not unfounded.

I don't think you really want a fuckbuddy do you? You want sex but you also want the other nice parts of a relationship, without all of the hurt that comes with an abusive one.

Have you ever heard of the Freedom Project at all? It's really great for helping you change your attitude towards relationships and start only accepting healthy relationships, from the start. It's designed for people who seem to only end up in abusive or unhealthy relationships, it can help you look at the way you react to things and also help you reassess what kind of treatment you will accept from others.

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 02-Aug-13 14:13:05

Freedom Programme, sorry! www.freedomprogramme.co.uk/

Wishihadabs Fri 02-Aug-13 14:14:18

I think the shackling of sex to romantic love is a tool of the patriarchy in order to treat women as property. It is possible to want to have sex with several people, you can only be in love with one person. You don't need to be in love with someone to have sex with them, you don't fall in love because you have sex.

niceupthedance Fri 02-Aug-13 14:15:35

Msbopeep - I suspect people do it because it's fun? Like other fun activities...

glendatheveryexcitedwitch Fri 02-Aug-13 14:16:27

I had a fb and it was the best thing that happened to my sexuality and improved relationships afterwards no end.

With my fb there were no expectations, no will he call me, no what does he think of me - I could be quite selfish.

We would meet up every 6 weeks or so after an exchange of steamy emails/texts and have a few glasses of wine and a chat first and it seemed like the most natural thing in the world to then go to bed (shower/kitchen/stairs) together, and after a cuddle and a coffee me or him toddled off with a beaming smile!!!!

With sex we had no inhibitions and could be as adventurous as we liked (fortunately it didn't ever cross the line - but had it there was no pressure and we would have chatted about it) he was my mr grey!!

There were never any feelings other than lust - he was too selfish, and narcissistic for me and when I found a relationship we chatted as friends and he become a flat mate for a few months with no awkwardness at all.

I was lucky that I met him and we had what we had - I know not every fb situation is the same, nor for everyone!!!

Wishihadabs Fri 02-Aug-13 14:20:25

My most successful fwb was far too wet and wussy for me in rl. But a wonderfully sensitive lover .

Missbopeep Fri 02-Aug-13 14:21:03

Well, they are entitled to this 'fun'. Fun for me does not include taking my clothes off and doing very intimate things with a man I may hardly know, who doesn't give a fuck about me outside the bedroom, and who doesn't want to spend time with me apart from being between my legs.

But if other people like that, that's ok- up to them !

Honeysucklerose Fri 02-Aug-13 14:28:46

Yoni -you got me spot on A big thanks i will check out the Freedom Programme thanks you got to go out now catch you again i do appreciate it x

Missbopeep Fri 02-Aug-13 14:49:02

moomoo your description sounds scarily like someone I know of who's on POF ( the guy!) Lives SW? ( narrows it down a lot!)

valiumredhead Fri 02-Aug-13 14:55:05

I married minegrin

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