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Fuck Buddies can anyone tell me ?

(120 Posts)
Honeysucklerose Thu 01-Aug-13 06:55:30

Been wondering and what is it that is required when someone has a Fuck Buddy ?, curious really not come across this before.

ALittleStranger Fri 02-Aug-13 10:06:40

I have no problem with the FWB dynamic. I think my objection is really one of labelling: What people are talking about it as relationship where you don't see a future together. Maybe as adults we need a way to describe the "going out" relationships we had as teenagers, or be more European and embrace the concept of a lover.

But most set-ups people describe as FWB just seem like a casual relationship, but we're all so bloody terrified of the relationship word. I just think people need to be more honest. It's like we can't get our heads around the idea of a relationship that doesn't involve wedding bell fantasies, and that's a backward step in my view.

I don't understand people who say they are looking online for a FWB etc. It's not a FWB if they're not actually your friend...

TheSecondComing Fri 02-Aug-13 10:07:19

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Missbopeep Fri 02-Aug-13 10:18:32

With respect I don't think BMW6 was a FB situation- it was more a one night stand which developed. If each of them had been open from the start and said ' i have no romantic feelings for you , never will, and don't ever want any attachment with you' then that imo is a FB.

I hate to get into the feminist argument here but better people than me ( more knowledgeable about sex etc) such as Suzy Grigson, has written quite a lot about FB and believes that by and large it doesn't work for women because our hormones kick in- we create a bond with a guy we sleep with.

Many moons ago , when single,I had a kind of thing ( almost) with a guy who wanted a FB but was wary because in his words ' it would change things between us' and he fully acknowledged that it was very hard to tread the line between being good friends and having a shag now and then, and being good friends, shagging and neither person wanting more.

Missbopeep Fri 02-Aug-13 10:22:41

That should be Suzy Godson- sorry.

niceupthedance Fri 02-Aug-13 11:53:16

Aren't FBs and FWB different things? I don't socialise with my FB, we're not friends, we're lovers. We still have meaningful conversations, laughs etc. just not in a bar or restaurant.

Honeysucklerose Fri 02-Aug-13 12:00:03

How about woman in her 50's been really abused in the past with relationships ............been single for a while , misses sex naturally , but does not work in an environment to meet any new males .................so what are we to do?............stay celibate ?, I know t is a hugely controversial topic but I think for some people it may suit there needs , maybe for the short term who knows , but it boils down to us being human and having a basic human need when all said and done.

Wishihadabs Fri 02-Aug-13 12:07:28

I'm not sure I've ever had a fb. But I have had sex with several male friends without
a) Falling head over heals in love
or
b) messing up our friendship.

Some of them it happened just once others more than once. I for one and most of my girl friends were more than capable of having no strings sex.
Atm I have a very happy sex life with DH, but if that relationship broke down I have a few good male friends that I'd be touch with...

Wishihadabs Fri 02-Aug-13 12:11:33

Just googled FWB I guess that's what I have enjoyed in the past.

Wishihadabs Fri 02-Aug-13 12:11:47

Just googled FWB I guess that's what I have enjoyed in the past.

Honeysucklerose Fri 02-Aug-13 12:16:08

Yea I agree wishihadabs, A FWB would be so much better and hopefully last longer than a FB !, tis a funny world we live in now I tell you, but guess it is nothing new , people been doing it for hundreds of years , it is just we talk about everything now on cyber space!

Wishihadabs Fri 02-Aug-13 12:22:25

Best sex I ever had was fwb.We still see him and his dw occasionally. Don't think either of us have a problem with that.

Honeysucklerose Fri 02-Aug-13 12:44:13

Sounds all good wishi !

YoniBottsBumgina Fri 02-Aug-13 12:49:38

I think it works for some people, and not for others. It wouldn't work for me because I don't feel sexual attraction for somebody unless I like their personality enough to want a relationship. For me, sex = a relationship. For others, sex is just sex.

Honeysucklerose Fri 02-Aug-13 12:56:43

I know I am the same wish i wasnt sometimes ......................thats life what works for one doesnt always work for another ho hum......

Missbopeep Fri 02-Aug-13 13:13:46

Honeysuckle- haven't read all the new posts- but is this you you're describing?

If so, I'd say get over the abuse with counselling and decide if you want a relationship or not in the long term.

I don't see how age is a factor- loads of mature ( or younger) men out there.

Or- to really avoid complications, book yourself a male escort- that makes it very clear what each person wants- straightforward transaction with no horrible things called emotions involved. smile

Whothefuckfarted Fri 02-Aug-13 13:19:49

99/100 times Fuck buddy situations turn sour.

One person pretty much always gets too emotionally invested in the other.

Notfootball Fri 02-Aug-13 13:20:07

I agree with Yoni that for some sex is just that and others can only have it in a relationship. I am able to separate the two and I think that is why I found it easy to have a FB. I respect and accept both sides of the coin, neither is better than the other.

Notfootball Fri 02-Aug-13 13:24:12

I would be interested to know if anyone has had a fuck buddy situation turn sour. Not every outcome can be perfect, though I don't think it's as high as you say Farted. Not unless there are a shedload of MN fuck buddies keeping shtum.

Honeysucklerose Fri 02-Aug-13 13:29:16

Miss Bopeep - you give us food for thought!

madamginger Fri 02-Aug-13 13:31:13

Before I met dh I had 2 FWB. One was a good friend and it scratched an itch, It would have been nice to take it further but we were both very young and going in different directions.
The other was a guy I knew from the local bar scene, he was gorgeous to look at but soooo not my type. We had a few laughs and went our separate ways the next morning.
Neither of them expected more (or got it)

goodasitgets Fri 02-Aug-13 13:32:55

I've had the same one for 16 years blush

Honeysucklerose Fri 02-Aug-13 13:35:37

Oh as goodasitgets you sound sad hope your okay , did it not end well?

goodasitgets Fri 02-Aug-13 13:39:44

No not sad - we are still going after 16 years!!! Mainly blushing grin

Dahlen Fri 02-Aug-13 13:40:30

Hmm, not too sure about the hormones thing. Isn't oxytocin the bonding hormone? I thought that was released at orgasm. Men and women both have orgasms, and since sex seems largely to be defined by the male orgasm rather than the female one hmm I'd say men probably have more oxytocin stimulus than women. Although women can have more than one I suppose...

Love/lust is certainly a chemical process and has evolved to encourage us to pair bond as a means of continuing the species, but we're not completely at the mercy of it. I've seen nothing to suggest that men are better able to divorce feelings from sex than are women. In fact a lot of the more recent research suggests just the opposite.

That said, I think very few people - male or female - are truly capable of having completely emotionless sex. I think for most people the spark that ignites lust is the same thing that makes us interested in that person as a person. That's not a value judgement BTW. I'm all for people having sex in whatever way they please as long as they're careful. It's just IME FB/FWB situations often go wrong, which isn't to say always, although it's usually down to lack of self-awareness by one or the other; those who know themselves well and know their limitations tend to do quite well out of it.

Notfootball Fri 02-Aug-13 13:41:09

16 years! Well, if it ain't broke...

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