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Waves is determined to keep winning now that Acrobat has arrived.

(989 Posts)

Here is my new thread

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/1866605-Finding-the-strength-to-wave-goodbye?msgid=41890054#41890054

Please don't all get mad at me, I'm in pieces as it is sad

nemno Wed 25-Sep-13 13:41:17

I usually just lurk on your threads Waves because I have no useful thoughts compared to your wise regular contributors. But it is both sad and expected to see you doubt yourself so now. The reason I follow your thread is that I find you very inspiring. The fact that you feel low now makes you no less so. The strength that you have is still there but at the moment, when the immediate and multiple crises are over, it is inevitable that this is the point when it all gets to you.

If I were in your community there is no way that I would believe the rubbish that your twunt is coming out with. He says stuff about you but you show everyday what and who you are; no contest.

Wishing you every good wish x

BerylStreep Tue 24-Sep-13 22:22:50

Donkeys does have a point about the weather though.

And don't forget about the bastard midgies.

Waves anyone who thinks the worse of you really isn't worth caring about their opinion anyway. And in any event, I'm sure they don't.

themidwife Tue 24-Sep-13 15:18:03

You HAVE had the shittiest of shitty shitsville years imaginable. Of course you're utterly worn down & exhausted. And yet despite the year you've had, the arsehole behaviour your ex has produced, you have still someone managed to have a beautiful healthy baby, breast feed brilliantly, care for your 2 other children, do the house up, make ends meet by taking in lodgers & get offered 2 amazing jobs most of us could only dream of!! YOU ARE NOT WEAK!! You are amazing. If you want to leave the area, turn down the big job & contact the Scotland company & see if you can renegotiate. Do what is best for you & your family. Forget what your mother wants, or twunt wants. Do what is right for you. By the way, I bet NO ONE believes his lies about you. People are usually pretty good at smelling a rat. thanksthanksthanks

DonkeysDontRideBicycles Tue 24-Sep-13 13:08:30

waves nobody blames you for feeling a bit wobbly, everything is zipping along, such big changes, and when things are looking up after a prolonged stressful period you almost wonder when they'll come crashing down.

Just my two penn'orth but we all know how valiantly you coped, escaping the mayhem twunt inflicted doesn't have to mean uprooting and getting physically as far away as you can, the main thing is to get him out of your head. His shenanigans won't hold you back locally, we can't any of us stop other folk wondering or supposing things about us. Give it a while, anything will die down and just by being you, anyone who matters who gets close will only value you for who you really are and what you do. Certainly not pay heed to rants or tales from ex. "I married her then walked out as soon as she got pregnant". Mmm, classy. His loss, waves, not yours.

Btw maybe a move to Scotland would be too drastic - lovely people, some amazing scenery, but such a long way from any positive influences where you are, and seriously I think the change of climate would drag you down.

PyroclasticFlo Tue 24-Sep-13 11:24:38

flowers flowers flowers flowers flowers

Waves my lovely, you are doing so well, and there is SO much going on, of course you're going to find it hard at times. There isn't a person on the planet who would be coping any better than you.

I also echo what the other ladies are saying - you've done NOTHING wrong, and other people will know that. Twunt is the weak, stupid person here who let you down and all the DCs. He left when you were pregnant. Anyone who hears even part of the story will know the truth about who was in the wrong, don't you worry.

One step at a time, you'll find the strength to keep moving forwards. Look how far you've come already.

Take the job you want and hold your head up high. You have no reason to hide. Be proud. You're amazing.

And by the way, if I were you I'd find a good therapist who can help you talk to that voice in your head that's telling you that you 'can't keep a man' so that you can tell it it's wrong. You are good enough. You are MORE THAN good enough. And you're WAAAY too good for that twunt.

Please divorce him. Cut him off, stop him dragging you down. For your DCs sake as well as your own.

A little quote from a woman and writer whom I always turn to for advice - SARK - You are enough, you have enough, you do enough.

Repeat it until you believe it.

flowers flowers flowers flowers flowers

JaxTellerIsAllMine Tue 24-Sep-13 09:28:57

springy and strawberry - I echo what you are saying.

Waves, you did nothing wrong. NOTHING at all. You will be stronger, you will be more able to spot a twat at 50 paces and your DC will all be better off without him in your lives.

Its still early days.

tobethatis Tue 24-Sep-13 07:58:47

springybuffy - SECOND THAT!

MissStrawberry Tue 24-Sep-13 07:39:01

Is it too late for the job in Scotland?

Do you feel you have a support network where you are?

YOU did nothing wrong so please don't feel you have to hide away.

I hate this man for what he is doing to you. Don't give him anymore thought. TBH when I saw your wedding photo I was shock as you are so far out of his league you aren't even on the same solar system grin.

tribpot Tue 24-Sep-13 06:36:05

Waves, Big Job offers the possibility to move, doesn't it? I wouldn't disrupt your support network in the early days but once you get a better feel for the place I would be upping sticks.

In terms of not taking the job in case the random is there - this is you panicking again about the enormity of the changes you are making. Looking for reasons why you're not good enough to do it. Just breathe through it - you can completely do this.

AndMiffyWentToSleep Tue 24-Sep-13 05:13:02

Aw Waves, you're not weak and people won't think you're a psycho.
You needed a good cry - ups and downs are normal.

springybuffy Tue 24-Sep-13 00:15:13

Hang on a minute - he left you when you were pregnant. I don't think there are many people who would look at that without drawing just one conclusion: what a shit. People aren't stupid, waves.

You also may find that people could see he wasn't all he appeared. It's surprising how canny people can be.

So less of this 'can't keep a man' business (is that your voice?).

of course it's hurting you so much - it's only been 5 minutes for goodness sake shock . Give yourself a break, lovely. What you've been through has been absolutely horrific, no wonder you're flopping about a bit.

I reckon that you needed to offload a bit of the cargo in time to go forward into this job. re the job: there will be other opportunities if you feel that relocation is what you want. In the meantime, you don't have to stay loyal to your current company for the long haul if it doesn't suit. Your and your family's needs come first, before any job.

Keep going, lovely. Have a good howl - it had to come out at some stage xxxx

mistlethrush Mon 23-Sep-13 23:35:47

Waves - I am ABSOLUTELY sure that they will soon work out that you are not the person that he painted. That you are an honest, trustworthy, strong person, a tiger mother who is not going to allow anyone to mess up her family's future.

The trouble, a trouble, with living in a small community is that there is no escape. I really really wish I'd not declined the good job opportunity in Scotland. It would have been far more of a struggle in terms of childcare and building a totally new life, but I could have escaped. I feel so sad. I don't want to go out and about because I know twunt was saying such horrible things about me to so many people. He finally actually admitted to one one night stand with a random, which suggests to me that there was a hell of a lot more than that going on. I don't want people to see me and think that I am the crappy person who can't keep a man, who is the psycho he painted me. Or know that any person in the street could be the "random". I can't do it. I don't want to take the job anymore in case someone there is the random.

Why why why is this still hurting me so much. I want to switch it all off and it won't stop. And I am so sorry for my uncharacterful weak and worn down posts this evening. I don't feel strong, I feel on the edge of a precipice.

BerylStreep Mon 23-Sep-13 22:47:54

Oh, I could come over all Christina Aguilera, but it really is true - what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I can vouch for it - don't want to go into details here, but after a horrifically shit time in my life, it made me the person I am now, and I came through it. And I'm not even a fraction as strong or awesome as you are.

But all in your own good time. When you started this thread C was only a few hours old, so one step at a time. Now look, 974 posts on!

MissStrawberry Mon 23-Sep-13 21:32:27

Nothing, nothing, is harder than going through a pregnancy alone fighting for your baby while looking after your other children so divorce is shit, hard and upsetting but you have done much harder things. Your solicitor should do most of it.

IAmNotAMindReader Mon 23-Sep-13 21:26:54

Yes you have had a shit year, but its a solid foundation to build on and a learning experience. If you can come through all of that, survive all he put you through then you can survive anything.
Now is the time to deal with the feelings surrounding it so it doesn't continue to poison your life. Cut all remaining emotional and physical ties and let him sail on his way with no residual feelings for him one way or another. While you sail on with yours building a bright new future for you and your children.

And I can't even phrase a sentence grammatically!

I can't stop crying. Crap. I should never have started. Just reading back these threads and twunt's texts. It's horrible. I've have had the absolute crappiest year.

AgathaF Mon 23-Sep-13 21:14:38

Oh waves. You are right, you must divorce him - in your head as well as on paper.

You are a sterling woman. You cope so well - bloody hell, you have a new and super impressive job whilst still having a fairly newborn baby. You don't need his extra baggage around your neck. You know that though.

I reckon just take the plunge and do it. Get the divorce underway. This is the painful part - the thinking about it. Once it is underway you can let it roll.

Mums results were fine, and I also managed more decluttering. Such a relief. Tomorrow I hope to make a banana and walnut loaf (or 2) as I got a huge bag of very brown bananas for 50 pence this afternoon. And do some other bits and bobs around the house.

I cried and cried and cried before. Maybe I needed all the things from today to have happened? And I actually howled, not just silent tears. Now I'm laying I'm bed with a snoring baby on my shoulder, and thinking I'm actually going to have to put him down and finish packed lunches and do some washing up. And probably start a new thread. I know I need your support still, despite all the good things. Mainly because the suggestion that I divorce twunt ASAP actually fills me with utter dread. I know I know I know that I have to. I really do know this. But I can't quite explain why it feels like such a hard thing to do. Such a massive step. But to not do so will leave me struggling in a stinky mud pool or quick sand or something like that. I know that if I don't completely cut him out he WILL reel me back in, and my heart will be shredded and my children, all 3 of them, will have been totally let down. By me.

WingDefence Mon 23-Sep-13 20:12:18

Ooh and new thread needed soon?

WingDefence Mon 23-Sep-13 20:11:46

Well done again! smile

ChasedByBees Mon 23-Sep-13 19:23:02

Well done Waves! flowers

themidwife Mon 23-Sep-13 16:55:50

Congratulations! Now just to divorce the twunt before he interferes with your plans!!

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