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Oh bugger. I think I'm in love with one of my best friends.

(331 Posts)
LucyWildelovesGru Mon 22-Jul-13 20:27:52

I've known him for years though we've definitely spent a lot more time together recently. He's kind and funny and smart. We get on incredibly well, we spend loads of time together and we never run out of things to say. We've got loads in common, and lots of mutual friends - he's perfect. I even like his parents.

And now I think I've fallen for him. We went to a wedding two weekends where neither of us knew many other people - as a result, we spent most of the time together and had a lovely time. And when I got home, I realised I don't want to just be friends any more, and I keep thinking about him and how much fun we had.

I can't believe I've gone and done this - he's so much a part of my life, and now I've got to either tell him how I feel and ruin the friendship if it's not reciprocated, or do nothing and try and get over it. Or, I suppose, hang around in the hope that he feels the same way. But I don't have any real evidence that he does.

I have absolutely no idea how to go about this - I've even been googling "ways to tell if he fancies you" which is absurd given my age and the fact that all the articles say things like "try and sit next to him in class and see what happens". But I've never been in this situation before - got married at 25 to the boy I'd been going out with since school, and haven't dared go on a date since we split up two years ago.

I know he isn't dating anyone else, and that he hasn't had a serious relationship since his girlfriend died about five years ago. But that doesn't mean he's interested in me, of course.

Please, tell me to get a grip and get on with my life. Or to get a grip and tell him how I feel. Or give me a list of "ten ways to tell if a forty something bloke who's unfailingly polite and interested in everyone he encounters likes you more than he likes other people" so I can work out whether he likes me back.

beaglesaresweet Mon 26-Aug-13 12:44:06

Body language does have it place though, MadeMan, most people aer not so in control of their expressions, and not such good actors as to pretend. What I'd say though, mild fancying and attarction that they DO feel, often isn't strong enough to actually take the plunge - and there are usually good reasons why they don't see you as a relationship material - wrong age, no interests in common, personality not quite 'there' - even if there is genuine degree of physical attraction. Lots of people do get confused between just being fancied a bit (genune and reflected in Body L), and being seen as a potential partner.

beaglesaresweet Mon 26-Aug-13 12:45:57

its place

And good idea, OP, to go no contact for a while, he may reveal what he really feels or doesn't feel as a result. If he says he misses you and asks why though, I'd tell him.

noobieteacher Thu 29-Aug-13 16:44:34

Oh this is so awful. Just got back from holiday to catch up. What an absolute nightmare for you. You'd think he would give off signals to the right person - how can he be giving them off to both you and her?

Or is the other woman just pushy and has 'claimed' him?

I think you should try and spend more time with him to clear the air and find out where you both stand - losing this friendship will be awful for you and for him as well and you should fight to keep that at least. I think it will be messy but the alternative is pretty grim.

My guess is though, if he's passive and 'decent' he won't want you around much if that's what his partner wants.

evelynj Sat 31-Aug-13 12:16:51

Ah boo sorry to hear. This. Not convinced this is the end though. Also Op, I just enjoy reading your posts. You sound nice & sounds like you have a pretty fun life so keep us updated and good luck!

Remember, all's well that ends well. If it's not well, it's not the end smile

AndAnother Thu 12-Sep-13 19:56:40

Any update OP?

Screwfox Thu 12-Sep-13 23:55:17

you know love isnt supposed to be this hard.

if it aint working - bin it

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